nourish the earth

when he suddenly hits you with a breakup so he can focus on himself because he wants to get better for himself finally but also does want to still probably get back together and still be married after... but he messed up and did this all while you were already planning a surprise visit as you got a nice job offer and found a really sweet place to stay a couple towns over for a month or two. soooo now you gotta just. politely reschedule plans or perhaps just. go through with them anyway but ignore him and enjoy what life in that bit of the world might be like eventually, and he can even visit if he gets the help he deserves towards coping with and overcoming his genuinely debilitating fears <3

I'm sorry, I've been lying through my teeth. On the inside I know I'm not worth anything at all... I have no idea who I am until people remind me or ask me to be someone or something for them... my doctors have assured me. "Autism, c-PTSD, PTSD, BPD. Immunocompromised, likely Lupus." as if this explains away everything... as if this makes it okay... I am too much work even for myself. My anxiety, my saddness, these hollow feelings *are* an ocean and I'm so afraid these tides rise and recede without any predictable pattern... I'm trying, I have to be. I just wish I could rest without guilt or fear... I'm so scared to be alone again.