why does my future depend on me i dont like this

how do i stop it 

no one can pull me out from this suffocating feeling of loneliness

i make incredible promises to make people love me, and even if they love me, they are disappointed when i dont deliver

i used to be a good person, i will never be a good person again

i should not have let it come this far

people dont really care what youre going through, they just hope youre okay enough to still come through when they need you 

i dont even care for myself enough that the selves im betraying are not letting me lose to cry

i wonder what its like to not constantly feel a pain like this

and sometimes that sadness gets so deep in your heart, that you cant even cry

life is unbearable, but death is not so pleasant either

another day in my own personal hell

the memories, repressed are coming back, leave me alone 

im living a lie in a world not made for me, i either lie to the world or lie to myself 

i need you, i miss you

but mostly fuck my existence for making me love a person who doesnt exist