Positivity.

"Passing cars and security lights 

Guide my way home through the night 

I feel safe here 

And the neighbours aren't close enough to hate me 

And tonight I'm getting young drunk 

Walking down the streets where I grew up 

Knowing that they're to blame

And all the red brick fences look the same 

And I've finally found a home 

In a handful of people I was lucky enough to bump into 

"I'm just sitting here waiting for the sun,

it's 5am and my friend said to call her when it comes,

Oh lady <???>, lady don't know what she wants,

she's got boys running round her body all day long,

Bitch, don't come to me in tears,

I haven't heard from you in years,

Don't you tell me that you miss me,

You're a great pretender." 

Back to music.

"I'm borderline happy, and I'm borderline sad

I'm borderline good and I'm borderline bad

And I can't get rid of this singing fear

You saw me out and my head gets clear

I live my life in shackles, but I'm borderline free

I used to be blind and I still can't see

In a round and round till you change your mind

I woke up this morning

It was extremely cold outside

The clouds were really gray

And I looked at the clock

And it was 12

And I thought the clock was tricking me

But I just slept for a really long time

The next thing I did was have a shower

And I felt safe because I wasn’t in the wind

And while I was in the shower my phone was ringing

Which is why I didn’t pick it up

I just thought I should tell you that

I called you back

You told me you got a job

I asked if you could get me one

And you said maybe

Then I became very aware that I didn’t do much

But I guess that’s kinda normal

These days I meditate. I sit on the floor, with earbuds using an app playing forest sounds, and I concentrate on my breathing. I breathe in, and out, and in, and out and just keep going. The idea is to remove all unwanted thought by focusing on experiencing breathing, of the cycle of inhalations and exhalations, of conciously feeling your body, to the exclusion of everything else.

Now I do it for 15 minutes, and I find by the third 5 minute section (my app sounds a gong every 5 minutes) I am calm, and all thoughts caused from my life, from outside influences, have ceased to bubble up to my consciousness, and that I am in a peaceful and meditative state. I come out of the meditation in the state that practitioners call mindfulness; a state where the only thoughts in my head are those I deliberately and consciously choose to exist.

It seems to me that the two actions, rocking and mediation, are basically the same thing. Repetition and concentration on a physical act to control thoughts that are ceaselessly clamouring for attention and to reach a state of peace devoid of said thoughts.

One, however, is socially unacceptable, while the other is even seen as socially desirable. Tell someone that you mediate, and they will be interested, will want to know more. Tell someone that you rock, and they will react with alarm and even fear.

One is nighttime me, and the other is morning me. Nighttime me can't do anything about the problem in the morning. After all, he doesn't exist then. All he can do is get a good night's sleep. So I sleep, and when I wake up, morning me is well rested and can deal with the problems of the day.