@deceitanon 4
Eddie leans into Remy's hand when he rubs his thumb against Eddie's cheek.
He takes some deep breaths at first they're shaky, but slowly they even out and he relaxes.
His heart rate settles again, and his body loses that tension.
"It was so hard..."
He leans into Remy, face in his neck again.
"I didn't want you to know that yet..."
His purring softens and slows.
"..."
He's quiet for a while.
"Almost lost... Four times..."
He admits hesitantly.
"I... Volt was there."
Only reason he's still here.
"I'm so glad he was... I'm happy I'm still here..."
He takes a deep breath.
"Got to meet Ari... Now you... I have friends who actually give a shit... I got to actually be myself..."
Ari must be who used to live here.
"... Fucking hell that... That wording. Maybe causes I lost so many other fights the thought of winning the worst one hits so much harder."
He chuckles slightly, a bit shaky still.
"A lot still hurts. Some things in your head just don't leave..."
...
"Ptsd..."
He says it quietly. A hesitant offer to ask for elaboration. Willing, but hesitant none the less.
{Remy puffs warm breath onto Eddieās neck, as if itās something he knows grounds himself}
āIf you wish to talk about it, in all earsā
Eddie leans into Remy more at the warm breath. He likes warmth in general.
He thinks for a while, silent.
He's silent for a few minutes.
He takes a deep breath and then talks.
"... Some things I'm not ready to say still..."
But he would like to share some others still.
"I started this bar I think... 50 or 40 years ago. Time isn't something I remember wellā uh... Wasn't very social, but I ended up in this friend group a few years in. Seemed good, but looking back I missed a lot of red flags."
He fidgets with one of his hands by tapping his fingers together.
"Notable context is that I'm trans." That he isn't scared to say anymore. "Which I didn't really accept until a while into that friend group... I... I trusted them... I thought it'd be good to tell them first."
He pauses again.
"Quickly became the joke in the friend group... Then a punching bag pretty much. Was scared they tell people, so I did nothing."
...
"Tried to fight back one day and... Grabbed me. Held me down. Beat me. Hell they set alcohol on fire after pouring some onto me... Few... Stabs, but kinda got lucky to live."
Those are where the injuries happened.
"I kind of just laid there... I don't remember how long. Couldn't go to a human doctor."
He's partially zoned out, wanting to say this, but not wanting to cry.
"I closed the bar, intending to just take time to heal, but... Alcohol started feeling like comfort... Pain killers never did enough..."
He pauses again.
"Wanted to feel anything else so..."
The scars on his arms.
"Volt met me during that time. In the alleyway next to the bar, drunk..."
Hence why they didn't want to say.
"I tried so hard to push him away, but he's a stubborn asshole..."
He takes a minute to breath again.
"He saved me a few times, god he'd watch me for weeks or months after... Really did almost did lose one time... You know how ancient dragon blog can make you immortal? Heals you first."
... Implications are there.
"I think that's when I really snapped out of it... Seeing the way Volt was looking at me in that moment."
He takes a deep breath.
"Sure as hell wasn't linear, but slowly got through that all. I don't drink alcohol at all anymore. No use in painkillers when they don't even work now, so same deal... Volt was there for me when I actually accepted being trans back then, helped me when I transitioned..."
He smiles softly now, actually at better memories.
"God, fell in love at some point... Still some things happened, pretty sure we get anxious as fuck when we can't see the other now."
"Both of us moved into my loft eventually. Got married early december..."
...
"Sudden noise scare the shit outta me because of a lot of that. Get scared of being attached to someone, scared of loving someone... Gotten better... Shattering glass specifically gets to me. Smell of burned meat..."
He finally finishes talking. Just breathing.
{Remyā¦ looks angry}
{his red eyes glowing with his dark black sclera..}
āIāll kill them..ā
{He mutters, his tails swaying dangerously, as if the thought of someone being the cause of Eddieās pain is hurting him!}
{He growls against Eddieās neck}
{There is that Kitsune anger that is told in stories}
Eddie holds onto Remy tighter.
"No."
... He says it sternly.
"Chasing the people who hurt me only makes it feel like I'm not moving on. Thinking about them and the hurt rather than moving forward... I certainly didn't get to where I am today by constantly thinking about that. I did at first... But was never helpful."
He purrs quietly, humming softly, a tune that feels familiar to himself, something he's hummed so often it comes naturally.
...
"And I'm here now. I'm okay. I'm safe... If anything the best way to spite them was moving on... Proves them wrong."
He doesn't care to go after them. All he cares about is being here now.
āHow! How can you say that! When you live in so much pain! Because of themā
āYour pack left you! Tortured you!ā
{Remy.. didnāt seem like he was just talking about Eddie anymore}
{Remyās shoulders are shaking, his body heat amps up.. until he hears the soft humming and purringā¦ he slowly lays back down on top of Eddieā¦ going silent, calm and tame now}
Eddie hums for a while longer, then gently starts petting Remy's ears again if he lets them.
He connects the dots here after the few bits in conversations.
"..."
"I have Volt. I had Ari too for a while. I have new friends that make me feel safe... I have you."
He has a new pack so to speak.
"..."
"We won't leave you either... We want you to feel safe too, you know?"
'We.' He refers to Volt as well. They're kind of a package deal.
"It's okay."
After everything he went through, and the fact he implied there is still more... He's still so gentle...
āIā¦I..Iāll do anything for you..ā
{Remy admits, shakily}
āYouāre so gently.. so- so braveā
āYouāre far more than what i deserve Mon Ange- and Iām too.. scared to accept itā
Eddie smiles softly and thinks for a moment.
"... Okay, I have one thing I'll ask for right now then."
He pauses briefly, looking at Remy.
"Do it scared... Because part of it will always seem scary. More often than not you can't get past the fear until you do scared."
He smiles softly at Remy.
"You deserve more than you think you do, spark."
That nickname seems... Special.
{Remy hesitated before melting into Eddie.. his tails lay on top of them both}
āOkayā¦ā
{Remy grows silent}
{He doesnāt seem to plan on getting up from Eddie any time soon}
Eddie purrs quietly and buries is face in Remy's neck.
Volt stays there, still having the two of them pulled onto his lap. He gently cards his hand through Eddie's hair.
If Remy still doesn't up in half an hour Eddie would end up falling asleep. He feels exhausted from all the emotions, but also feels safe enough with Remy to not push himself to stay awake.
Volt smiles softly and looks at Remy.
"He feels safe with you. He doesn't like sleeping around others unless he feels safe with them."
Maybe now could be a good time for Remy and Volt to talk.
āā¦ā
āIām going to screw this all up yknow?ā
{Remy murmurs into Eddieās hair}
āMy anger will get the best of me one day- and I donāt know what will happen..ā
Volt still has that soft smile on his face as he shakes his head.
"I think you'll be quite alright... I like to observe how someone treats Eddie before I decide on anything with them."
And he seems comfortable having Remy around.
"I can tell you care for one. You helped me get Eddie back despite the fact he was your bounty. The little thing of swapping plates, the concern... Maybe you get angry on his behalf, but I do too sometimes."
He pauses briefly.
"Take it one day at a time... I can promise anger getting the best of you won't ruin everything. We have both lost our temper with each other several times in the past. Hurt sometimes, maybe nearly every time, but... Never left each other. I wouldn't have it any other way, and I know he wouldn't either."
{Remy nods slowly and looks at Eddie}
āThank you ChĆ©rā¦ Iāll.. try my best to be good for you and Eddieā
{Remy sighs and looks back up at Volt}
āHow.. arenāt you jealous though? Eddie said he loves me- while heās married to youā
"You'll do fine, love."
He smiles softly, and then chuckles slightly at the question.
"We're polyamorous. We're perfectly okay being with multiple people. Just that we're both aware and on the same page... Do consider us a package deal though, but perhaps that may take longer~"
That was genuine flirting from him this time.
"Ari actually... Was our wife... Or well didn't quite get that chance. She deserves that title though."
They've had a third in the past.
"I'm not jealous though. Perhaps a little possessive at times, but not jealous."
He smiles a bit more with an idea.
"Hmmm... Could I pet your ears this time?~"
He doesn't push.
{Remy yips in surprise and blushes slightly}
āSure- you can touch my earsā
{His tails wagging quickly, brushing against Eddie from time to time}
āI.. wouldnāt mind if you came with the package, Iād even say thatās even betterā
Volt chuckles and gently pets Remy's ears as he talks.
"Even better, hm?~"
He smirks slightly.
"Quite lovely to have you as well then, dear~"
His voice comes out quite smooth, though certainly still partially a mask. Weirdly enough that becomes a bit more obvious now. He's constantly masking, perhaps it even feel natural to him at this point.
Eddie nuzzles his face further into Remy's neck as his tails brush against him... He purrs louder as well.
{Remy chuckles and keeps his head down at Volt can pet his ears}
āYou think so? Iāve only been here for a day?ā
Volt smiles contently as he continues petting Remy.
"Hmmm... Sure enough~"
He chuckles slightly.
"I'm plenty sure we still have a good bit to learn of each other, but I feel plenty happy to have you here."
Probably more to learn about Volt right now. He's not really said all too much about himself, has he? He does talk about Eddie a lot though.
āYou.. do talk about Eddie a lot, which aināt such a bad thing, he- is one of a kind.. but what about you, ChĆ©r?ā
{Remy looks up with his eyes, meeting Volts eyes through his slightly messy hair}
āGot any hobbies? Youā the host at the bar, yes?ā
{Remy asks curiosity}
Volt pauses at that for a moment.
"... Sewing. That is primarily my hobby. I do host the bar, yes."
He looks back at Remy as well.
"Quite like makeup too."
For Eddie being vulnerable was primarily his past, and for Volt he seems hesitant to simply talk about only himself.
That is something his masking doesn't account for.
āI know nothinā about sewing, but makeup is something Iām very familiar with, though nothinā natural- more vibrant and color popā
{Remy notices the hesitancy, but doesnāt comment. Not yet anyways. He will just keep the questions simple}
āFixinā or anything when it comes to clothes, Iām clueless about, the last time I tried to alter something manuallyā
{He gestures to the messy cut tank top he is wearing- despite it looking good with the jagged cut on the bottom to make it a cropped top}
{he chuckles, sitting up a bit more now to have a better face to face conversation, The way Remy talks, as if itās a gift to be able to share anything. He doesnāt seem to mind talking about himself either, Remy never had the chance to feel comfortable enough to share his culture, or him personally..}
