❛&&. ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ? ❜

warning: some may be nsfw

❝ begone, thot. ❞

❝ OWO what’s this??? ❞

❝ i’m an adult virgin. ❞

❝ OOF OW MY BONES HURT. ❞

❝ welcome to my twisted mind. ❞

❝ i bless the rains down in africa. ❞

❝ why would you say something so controversial yet so brave? ❞

❝ THEN PERISH. ❞

❝ can i get uhhhhhhhh…. boneless pizza? ❞

❝ he’ll slip and slide on this banana peel! ❞

❝ i diagnose you with gay. ❞

❝ ball is life. ❞

❝ alexa, play ‘despacito’. ❞

❝ …..it’s free real estate. ❞

❝ coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just fine. ❞

❝ why are you booing me? i’m right. ❞

❝ he protecc, but he also attac. ❞

❝ hi, welcome to chili’s. ❞

❝ ___ has been dead for ___ slutty, slutty years. ❞

❝ anyway, here’s ‘wonderwall’. ❞

❝ mmmmmm steamed clams! ❞

❝ i won’t hesitate, bITCH! ❞

❝ pretzels is the same. ❞

❝ if she breathes, she’s a THOT! ❞

❝ WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE? ❞

❝ i wanna be a cowboy, baby! ❞

❝ FUCK yo chicken strips! ❞

❝ all according to keikaku (keikaku means plan). ❞

❝ i’d sell you to satan for one corn chip. ❞

❝ move, i’m gay. ❞

❝ it’s true, but he shouldn’t say it. ❞

❝ i never went to oovoo javer. ❞

❝ kachow! ❞

❝ guess i’ll die. ❞

❝ you know i had to do it to em. ❞

❝ oh, you haven’t heard?? ❞

❝ chipotle is my life. ❞

❝ YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD. ❞

❝ mmm mmm, creamy! ❞

                ‘ my brother can have all the fame , 

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞ ❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞ ❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞ ❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞ ❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞ ❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞ ❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞ ❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞ ❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞ ❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞ ❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞ ❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞ ❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞ ❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞ ❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞ ❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞ ❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞ ❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞ ❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞ ❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞ ❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞ ❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞  ❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞ ❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞ ❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞ ❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞ ❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞ ❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞ ❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞

           In this moment , I was a M A N of the darkest hour . A man that was getting ready tof a l l off the nearest cliff of HYSTERIA . Into a land of Chaos where Mercy only comes on J U D G M E N T D A Y .