I'm Rotting I'm Dying

Everytime I feel like I’m ’normal’ I’m always reminded that I’m not. Every time I miss social cue, every time I miss a look of disinterest, or a joke or an uncomfortable expression or someone upfront telling me I’m strange, I’m reminded that I’m merely wearing the costume of neurotypicals, I’m not one of them. People see that costume, the only reason they don’t point it out as bluntly as others do is just out of social obligation. In truth, they’re uncomfortable in my presence and in my oddities. No matter how hard I try.

i hate having autism. its making my life so fucking difficult. i had to quit my job today because it was just getting to be too much, mentally and physically. i cried five times yesterday thinking about going in this morning, and i finally quit. i feel like such a fucking failure. i hate being a big girl i wish i could just be little

You can survive your childhood and escape the horror of your parents by creating and existing solely in a rich inner world in which you contain all your thoughts and feelings and this will not have any effect on your relationships as an adult

enough is enough.

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

accomodations are important but i think they miss the point of this post. sometimes you can't do it. at all. someone needs to do it for you or it will never happen.

"and then you force yourself anyway" folks im starting to think some of you really do not understand what it means to not be able to do things.