Follow the Butterflies!

TL;DR In English this tweet would just be

wendy’s: 2 burgers for $2

me:

I was 13 and I was on a cruise for my Cousin’s quinceanera (Royal Caribbean gave discounts for those)

So My cousin was doing some stuff related to the event and didn’t have time to get food, so She asked me, my sister and a Family friend who was my age to go get her some pizza from one of the lower floors.

So we moved from the pool deck to get on the elevator.

Now we didn’t see anyone coming, so naturally I pressed the Elevator close button. and just as it was half-way closed, this crazy woman JUMPS IN, causing the the Elevator doors to sputter and then open.

The older woman, (who was a clear Karen as defined by now) was hella pissed. She makes a nasty snide comment “Thanks for holding the door” Clearly bitter and spitting venom. She was ready to give me a tongue lashing.

Now my 13 year old brain wanted to say “Sorry, I didn’t see you.” or “You blindsided us” But I ended up saying.

“I’m Sorry, Im Blind.”

The Karen’s eyes went wide and her mouth closed. She looked at me, unsure of how to respond to that.

Normally this would be an obvious lie. But I was wearing Sunglasses and she couldn’t see my eyes. I also wasn’t looking directly at her.

So the elevator ride was silent.

My sister and My fam friend were doing their best not to laugh.

A family got on and got off the elevator over the course of the ride.

The woman does make another snide comment.

“Why didn’t you close the elevator on them?”

I look down, not at her.

“I learned not to touch anything” as sad as I could.

Her face goes back to confusion. She is starting to think.

‘Oh s***. I think I have been insulting a blind kid.’

Unfortunately, I realized that we were all heading to the same floor.

I knew I was screwed once we got off on the floor. So, I made a gamble.

When we arrived on the floor, the elevator announced the floor number.

I stuck my arm out, Waiting, Praying my sister would understand.

She knew what I was going for. She took my hand and led me out of the elevator and away from the mean Karen. 

some nerd hired straight out of college: *types rapidly* she’s definitely got tumblr open on her laptop

ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”