You've been in security for a while now, no? Any tips on dealing with aggressive men? The two that I have to deal with are family acquaintances that are all bark, no bite but nonetheless very confrontational when they feel they can get away with it.
It’s a difficult question to answer, because the best thing to do varies from situation to situation.Generally speaking, it’s a good idea to avoid giving angry/aggressive people hooks. A hook is a justification for their anger and a reason to escalate. Most people who are looking for a fight still don’t want to be the bad guy in their own heads, they will look for a reason to justify their behavior. They often want to feel like they’re the one being attacked and they’ll try to find an angle for this.Usually this is something small, like taunting you or insulting you and hoping for an angry response so they can get a fight going where you’re both involved. This way, they're not bullying you or giving you a hard time for no reason - they’re simply “responding” to your inflammatory behavior.A hook can be anything from an insult or a shove, to a mere look in their direction though, depending on how worked up they already are. The best way to avoid giving somebody these hooks is to always make a clear point of being the good guy: be friendly, be polite, and be genuine about it. Steer the conversation away from conflict. This is as much in what you say as how you say it, tone of voice matters. This person is looking for a reason to justify being mean to you, your job is to make that really, really hard. Example:You “look at someone wrong” who’s looking for trouble.They: “Hey, what’s your problem, man?”You: “Oh, sorry buddy, nothing, I just noticed I have the same shirt.”The escalation can stop there and then, because he does not have any hooks. There is no justification for going off on you now and it will make him look like a dick. People don’t like looking like dicks, even these types, remember that.If you don’t know what to say, ask questions - genuine questions, not rhetorical or sarcastic ones, and not questions loaded with judgment. In a heated situation, this is difficult, but it tends to work! Note, however, that this is one type of aggression - a social type, and that this approach will not work on all types. Some bullies don’t care about social justification for bullying, some people are so far gone that their hooks are internal, and some won’t care about appearances at all and just want to hurt somebody (either to impress a certain type of friends they hang out with or because they are sociopaths) - but what I describe here is probably the most common type of escalation.