Papa Can You Hear Me

The most difficult part of hiding a sword, I imagine, would not be in the actual hiding, but in squashing down the phenomenal urge to tell absolutely everyone that you *HAVE* a SWORD

Me as a super cool secret agent: (leaning in to a stranger on the bus) hey I bet you can't guess how many awesome knives I have right now

O shit this is Deadpool

Video: Deadpool Pancake Art

@knitpool have you seen this magic?

Yes. I think it’s in my queue, but here, let’s expedite this.

@deadmemepool

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

… you know what I’m asking, and you’re dodging. It’s concerning

How was there a tiger!?

Well I wasnt really able to ask it what it was up to

Please tell me you did not go into a zoo for the sole purpose of fighting a tiger

That seems incredibly rude and no I dont think I have done that thing

Then how on earth did you lose a fight to a tiger?

How would I not loose a fight with a tiger its a tiger

Do you think I chose to get into a fight with a tiger I get that you've probably lucked your way out of any tiger situations (still not a superpower) but for most of us the choice lies firmly with the tiger

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

… you know what I’m asking, and you’re dodging. It’s concerning

How was there a tiger!?

Well I wasnt really able to ask it what it was up to

Please tell me you did not go into a zoo for the sole purpose of fighting a tiger

That seems incredibly rude and no I dont think I have done that thing

Then how on earth did you lose a fight to a tiger?

How would I not loose a fight with a tiger its a tiger

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

… you know what I’m asking, and you’re dodging. It’s concerning

How was there a tiger!?

Well I wasnt really able to ask it what it was up to

Please tell me you did not go into a zoo for the sole purpose of fighting a tiger

That seems incredibly rude and no I dont think I have done that thing

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

… you know what I’m asking, and you’re dodging. It’s concerning

How was there a tiger!?

Well I wasnt really able to ask it what it was up to

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

… you know what I’m asking, and you’re dodging. It’s concerning

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

Wade what did you do

I thought I made it pretty clear

Technically, ive never lost a fight to a tiger.

cant relate

the only reason anyone should own a fax machine is to use it as a heavy weapon

Hey! Let Doug enjoy his retirement!

….are you talking about the tax machine? Is the fax machine’s name Doug?

Yes! And he worked here loyally long enough that, were he legally recognized as a person, he’d be entitled to the full vested pension, so can we not just chuck him at goons unless absolutely necessary?

It was ONCE and anyway what if Doug WANTS to be a superhero? 

I don’t think being a superhero usually involves getting tossed at bad guys…

Isn’t that essentially the same as “Get Help”?

I just cannot imagine a point in time where it still had a use and also the technology required to make it sentient was available

the only reason anyone should own a fax machine is to use it as a heavy weapon

Hey! Let Doug enjoy his retirement!

….are you talking about the tax machine? Is the fax machine’s name Doug?

Yes! And he worked here loyally long enough that, were he legally recognized as a person, he’d be entitled to the full vested pension, so can we not just chuck him at goons unless absolutely necessary?

It was ONCE and anyway what if Doug WANTS to be a superhero? 

I don’t think being a superhero usually involves getting tossed at bad guys…

Isn’t that essentially the same as “Get Help”?

@thor-the-asgardian-meme

@wade-memeson @deadmemepool please tell me you at least knocked the ninjas off the boat

Of course I cant sell a boat thats crawling with Ninjas can I

your ability to dodge things seems to be getting exponentially worse and you should be worried about that

Why would I dodge im making good money from these projectiles