Freak Of Nature

I have been having extreme ptsd memory gaps, possibly due to triggers and stress. But, it’s fucking up my promises, goals, and endgame I made to myself. With the help from my out patient clinic I truly hope we can figure this out. Possibly, get a note pad of reminders because I don’t think I experience this so extremely before. I guess that is result after narcissist abuse, which ended July of last year. How can I forgive and move on if this is what he left me with. I’m sorry I doubt I’ll ever forgive this person. Actually, I’m not sorry but I know I can heal from this. I don’t have to forgive anyone who intentionally hurt me. Even when the saying goes ‘forgiveness is for yourself’ I can heal and I can forgive myself for enduring the pain so long. But I do not have to forgive anyone, that intentionally harmed me. I believe no one has to.

It’s just like. Now you should really be afraid of living life as an avoidant. Because who else is really going to fight for you that hard once they learn all your secret flaws? I mean, of course, maybe someone if I did. Yet, I don’t know why I feel it in my bones. I doubt it. Once you came far enough to figure that out. It’ll be too late, which will make you truly never change, and all you’ll be is an avoidant. I feel like the universe is like, “Have you learned your lesson yet? I have 5 more dreadful humans similar to that if not.”