💔Love is like being fucked with a knife💔

"I wish we met sooner" is such a gentle sentiment. I love you so much I not only want you in my future, but in my past too. I want to have known you when we were small stupid kids, have held hands together as we played outside. I want to have stressed out over exams together, nudging a mug of still steaming hot chocolate against your elbow to get you to focus. I want to have told you I love you before I did anyone else. I want to have held you in my arms when all those sad memories you describe to me were still fresh wounds. I want my past to have been full of you, and full of meaningful memories with you. I want my past lives to have been spent with you, whether as two lovers, or two housecats cuddling by the fireplace on a snowy day, or two flowers that just happened to bloom on the same day, next to each other. I want to have consumed your existence and intertwined it with my own since my birth, never to be separated from you for a moment. I want to have loved you throughout it all, for all time.

I gotta start calling myself Medium support needs more cause every time I hear low support needs autists talk I'm like oh we're not the same thing. What do you mean you learned how to look normal. Some of us were learning how to tie our shoes

& it's so annoying trying to talk about this cause if you don't phrase it as gently as possible you will get a thousand normal people descending upon you talking about how you're invalidating their struggles & you're just sitting there like Sorry. I have Difficulty Phrasing Things Gently Disorder. I couldn't talk until I was like five you got a head start on me, man

Lsn autistics get soooo maddddd when another autistic person has, like, a developmental disability

You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

..ouch… didn’t expect to be called out like that

My world ended when I lost you.