Happy birthday to my one true kin, Kevin Day, my 35 year old kind of a mess boy.
I will be drinking the whiskey thatβs been in my car but also eating one apple for him today.
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@deaddrunkroach
Happy birthday to my one true kin, Kevin Day, my 35 year old kind of a mess boy.
I will be drinking the whiskey thatβs been in my car but also eating one apple for him today.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
WHEN IT HURTS TO ADMIT IT Prompts
β‘ βI donβt know when I stopped feeling like myself, but I know it wasnβt all at once.β
β‘ βI keep waiting to miss this life more than I hate it.β
β‘ βI donβt even know if Iβm sad or just tired of pretending Iβm not.β
β‘ βYou ever wake up and realize youβre living a life you didnβt mean to choose?β
β‘ βI donβt hate you. I just donβt recognize who I am around you anymore.β
β‘ βI thought if I ignored it long enough, it would go away. It didnβt.β
β‘ βIβm not asking you to fix it. I just need you to stop telling me itβs fine.β
β‘ βI keep telling myself this is enough, but it never sounds convincing.β
β‘ βI donβt know what I want, I just know this isnβt it.β
β‘ βIβm scared that if I stop, everything Iβve been holding together will fall apart.β
β‘ βI donβt want to leave. I just donβt want to stay like this.β
β‘ βI donβt feel brave. I feel cornered.β
β‘ βEvery time I say Iβm okay, something in me flinches.β
β‘ βI donβt know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful.β
β‘ βI keep thinking there has to be more than just getting through the day.β
β‘ βI donβt trust myself to make a decision because what if I regret all of them?β
β‘ βI donβt know who Iβd be if I wasnβt needed all the time.β
β‘ βI thought being strong would feel different than this.β
β‘ βI donβt want to disappear. I just want the noise to stop.β
β‘ βI donβt know how to ask for help without feeling like I failed.β
β‘ βI keep hoping something will force my hand so I donβt have to choose.β
β‘ βI donβt know how to leave without hurting someone.β
β‘ βI donβt want to be the reason everything changes.β
β‘ βI donβt know if Iβm scared of losing this or scared of keeping it.β
β‘ βI feel like Iβm watching my own life instead of living it.β
β‘ βI donβt know how much longer I can carry this and still call it living.β
β‘ βI keep thinking tomorrow Iβll feel different. Tomorrow keeps showing up the same.β
β‘ βI donβt know if Iβm asking for permission or forgiveness.β
Iβm not well and I donβt know what to do
At this point, I would take a cancer diagnosis over not knowing wtf is wrong with my body. Just anything with a name that leads to steps of things to do that aren't just a doctor going "idfk, take these vitamins and other low-grade drugs and see me again in 6 months and also fuck you bitch" on repeat for the rest of my life.
"why am I feeling so agitated and aggressive, not sleeping, disregarding my responsibilities, coming across as really angry and/or intense...."
*remembers I am bipolar*

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Whoops!
Sorry, I thought you cared and that I wasnβt too much.
Itβs my favorite delusionβ¦
Back to our regularly scheduled programming
Random bad Guy:"I have evidence you are cheating on Soap. You are going to do what I want or I send him a Video of you kissing Ghost."
Roach:"he also kisses Ghost."
Random bad guy:"what?"
Roach:"we all kiss Ghost...he needs it. if we don't he thinks we hate him."
Random bad guy:"the fuck?
IT'S OFFICIALLY THEIR DAY
Rant
I think what Iβm struggling with most about having chronic pain is that,
I was just starting to get my life together, I was working and my mental health was getting better. I was making plans, and starting to like being alive.
But now Iβm in constant tears due to the pain in my knees being so bad I canβt walk without feeling like Iβm going to fall at any moment, my 10 years of bulimia has given me GERD so I canβt eat normally anymore, I canβt sleep normally cause Iβm just always in fucking pain.
Iβm 21 in 2 and a half weeks and I canβt run anymore, can barely walk, canβt dance and Iβm so so so tired of being alive. Itβs just continuing to drain me, and I didnβt have much to start with.
I was clean from self harm for almost 6 months but I just canβt do it anymore, I gave into the voice in my head and Iβm so close to fully giving into it.
My brain wants me dead and Iβm starting to agree with it.
+
The doctors have no fucking idea why Iβm in so much fucking pain which is also so fucking disheartening
I just want to be okay again
I want someone to fix me
I want freedom
+
Its been 3 almost 4 months.
They still have no idea whatβs wrong with me
My friends left me
Im alone again
And Iβm really thinking of taking that big sleep ya know
Just to see what happens
Who knows
We might get a wedding and a funeral this year.
...
So It's been two years.
Here's a brief update.
Still a medical mystery, and found out that two of my friends actually hated me,,, sooooo they're gone completely out of my life thankfully.
I'm working again but now as an administrative assistant.
I've been on Testosterone for almost 3 years and I'm feeling better mentally.
I'm Two years clean of SH and it's really great to be able to wear short sleeves again.
I released Music and I've been through a lot of bullshit these past three years,,, but I'm okay.
me 8 years old hoping something bad happens to me so that i'll finally get attention not realizing something bad in fact did happen to me but no one noticed lol

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
your child had to learn to love themself after years of hating themself because of constant criticism, they had to learn to love every part of themself, their βflawsβ and who they are. if the only love they ever got was from themself, then maybe you didnβt do such a good job as a mother
Reblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves
specifically this kind of bonk.
Hades as John Mulaney quotes compilation
trying to figure out this wet mop of a man's design
Malevolent fanart

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
family members will be like π i do not see it π about the years of trauma they caused you growing up but then will never let you forget how moody you were when you were 14
please bring back 2014 indie pop (i could care less that a few of these songs were pre or post the 2014 era if the song fits it fits)
cecelia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness
i wanna get better by bleachers
cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant
ways to go by grouplove
girls by the 1975
miracle mile by cold war kids
take a walk by passion pit
little talks by of monsters and men
tongue tied by grouplove
midnight city by m83
undercover martyn by two door cinema club
i can talk by two door cinema club
young blood by the naked and famous
kids by mgmt
1901 by phoenix
young folks by peter bjorn and john
daylight by matt & kim
animal by neon trees
stolen dance by milky chance
out of my league by fitz and the tantrums
talk too much by coin
greek tragedy by the wombats
chocolate by the 1975
anna sun by walk the moon
everybody talks by neon trees
what you know by two door cinema club
dancing on glass by st lucia