*missing the charging port on my phone* don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it

I would like a bloody Mary with breakfast

Get you a man that bursts into your apartment and asks if you have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness in your life as of late? Perhaps a series of intense or extraordinary events which, as of now, seem unconnected, with the exception of each being separately bizarre?  Perhaps every day before now had for the most part been humdrum and inane, your life a mundane un-bearing slob full of unfulfilling jobs, shallow depression, and boring, boring sex- then everything changed and your life became a swirl of interesting activity? 

If it isn’t my favorite assassin doing his amazing magic tricks again.