She/her (singular), they/them (plural), other pronouns available as DLC Game dev, programmer, writer, musician | 22-year-old autistic transfem Currently working on: ASWTESCY (send commands!!), Inscrybed, some musical experiments
I'm Meadow, a game dev/chiptuner/writer/pixel artist who posts about that occasionally but mostly uses this blog to reblog things; a proper tagging system might exist eventually
This blog has changed a lil bit since its creation to be a lot less fandom-oriented so I'm gonna replace this paragraph when I feel like it
I also run a little interactive web adventure, you can find it at @aswtescy-adventure! It runs on reader commands, so feel free to submit one ^^
Also I'm actually several things, more on that below the cut
System intro
πΎLux (they/she)
The one writing this whole post, I'm one of our hosts and the most active poster, I also have a sideblog at @normalest-lux-ever, be warned because it does have (tagged) NSFW and (tagged) Negative Opinions
βοΈSummer (she/her)
Our caretaker, another of our hosts, and my twin sis, Summer is basically a constant beam of sunshine that everyone loves, she likes writing and art the most out of all of us, and she also loves animals and anything else she thinks is cute or pretty; she has a sideblog at @all-that-summer-had-to-say where she mostly posts about writing or reblogs anything she finds cute, be warned because she does think bugs are cute but she tags them appropriately
πAutumn (she/her)
Our third and final host, Autumn was discovered much later than Summer but together the two of them make up the September subsystem; Autumn's pretty similar in a lot of ways but more free-spirited and with more of a backbone, she also likes working on music and UI design, and is better at relaxing than Summer
Autumn here!!! I also like political theory and RPGs, and I have a sideblog that's mainly for posting about my interests at @autism-season (β βΏβ ^β βΏβ ^β )
πSeptember (she/her, maybe plural they/them?)
We usually have one person in our sub-front at all times and switch infrequently, but sometimes we co-front and merge into a single presence in the front! It's kind of like fusion from Steven Universe, in a way?
Also, we're dating!!!
πJenny/Morgan (she/her)
Formerly a co-host but she's faded more into the background in recent months, Jen is great at exercise, manual labor, kissing me (Lux), and sounding like she swallowed a thesaurus; she's also pretty good at communicating with the current fronter or co-fronting, usually me but she's hung out with Summer and Autumn too
πWinter (any)
Our anger holder, we've had some conflicts but we're generally pretty cool nowadays, kinda the only one to have any masc leanings but ze's indicated some interest in femininity, she hasn't really had much of a chance to explore gender yet tho so he uses any pronouns for now
β¨Loop (they/them)
Fictive from In Stars and Time, they mostly talk to me (Lux) and encourage me when needed, they also love talking to other Loops
πMew Mew (she/her)
Fictive from Deltarune, adding myself to our pinned because I formed after it was written! I'd say more about my identity, but I don't want to spoil the game for anyone, mew...
π£Maddie (she/her)
Fictive. Figuring myself out. Ask me later.
πΌDaisy (she/it)
Ouppy
πViolet (she/her?)
Smaller version of me (Lux), she's only come out a few times, she's kinda me and kinda not, idk I just try to make sure she's safe and happy when I see her
πLuci (she/her)
Missing person, presumed to be some snapshot of our 16-year-old self but hasn't been heard from in a while
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
even like just laying down and daydreaming, or thinking and planning future projects in your head, that requires some amount of mental energy and many people do not have that much energy. if you've never felt such a lack of energy then I envy you
i have a copyright related question that i was hoping you could help me wrap my head around, because i agree with you basically all of the time on that matter, but something about this specific scenario is giving me a bit of a hangup (not that we should KEEP copyright because of this specific scenario but that i dont know what should be done instead). i also apologize in advance there definitely used to be a post about this that i wish i could link to but i cant find it so this ask is going to be very long. the long and short of it is there used to be a "band" called new jersey weather report. they released an album and some other stuff, there were related side projects too. they sold their stuff on bandcamp one of my good friends has 1 of 12 cassettes ever produced by them. they were part of a virtual festival in minecraft, and the vod got flagged for copyright infringement for a completely different band. as it turns out, all of new jersey weather report's (and all of their side projects') music was completely stolen from other groups - i know white oak and the planet you were 2 of them but there may have been more idr. and by completely stolen i mean absolutely no editing, just changed the names of the songs, and no attribution to the original artists at all. and i know this kind of thing happens legally all the time under the current copyright system anyways and we dont have any recourse for it now either. but it seems like... disingenuous to say that under a copyright-less system that it would be perfectly acceptable to do exactly that? like if we didnt have copyright, and njwr did what they did, but this time just no one ever found out. does that make it ok? and like im framing this around njwr because its something that i know happened but i guess it would apply to anything subject to copyright - if i just started printing like, the shining, or the name of the rose or whatever, but changed only the title and said i wrote it, is that just... fine?
if i just started printing like, the shining, or the name of the rose or whatever, but changed only the title and said i wrote it, is that just⦠fine?
i mean, i don't think that's fine--because you are lying to people. the copying is not the morally fraught aspect of this--i think it is completely morally fine to print the shining and evne to make money off it; it's when you start lying about the authorship that you start causing harm. i think this sort of deception has three direct and evident harms:
you are denying the original author credit for their work. it is natural, when you have made something, to feel proud and want to be recognized for it--it is hurtful to see people enjoying your work without feeling credited. depending on the context, being denied credits in this way can also be a material harm; in many artistic industries, credits and reputation are crucial to finding jobs and opportunities
you are denying those who enjoy the work the opportunity to understand its actual context. if someone reads the shining, they can go on to find the rest of steven king's ouvre; they can see what he has cited as his influences and go back and read those. the circumstances of a work's production, its position in an artist's broader body of work--all this epitext is shorn off completely when you deceive someone about the origin of a work
you are committing an act of vandalism against the culture more completely; if your version of the work becomes more notable than the original, you build a false citation into the history of the medium. you create a dead end, a cul-de-sac of the rich interconnectness of culture where something is put into a position it doesn't actually occupy. in the worst cases, where this behaviour mixes with e.g. colonialism, racism, etc. you participate in actively writing oppressed peoples and their culture out of cultural memory
but this has nothing to do with copyright; none of these harms are caused by the act of reproduction. an opposition to plagiarism is completely in line with a copyright abolitionist stance, because the harms of plagiarism stem from a particular intentional deception around crediting rather than from breaking copyright laws
In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
PLEASE dont forget the incredibly racialised aspect of transmisogynistic murders and violence i am begging yall to not forget the incredibly racialised aspect of transmisogynistic muders and violence. the trans women being murdered are most often black women! they are often sex workers! the murder problem exists at an intersection of yes transphobia and misogyny, but also racism and classism! transmisogynoir is a violent killer! PLEASE im begging yall to not forget the racialised nature of transmisogynistic murders and violence!!!
in addition, black people, obviously, are the most likely to face police violence and false imprisonment. sex workers even more so. black women in general are a historically degendered class. black people are more likely to be impoverished. black people are more likely to be discriminated against in so many aspects of life. black people are the first to get hurt and black people are the last to get listened to. remember to fight for black trans women when you are fighting for trans women.
if you keep stepping on somebody's toes for a long time at minimum they're probably going to start really hating you and at maximum you might cause them lasting damage.
if you do it on purpose you're a dick. if it's on accident but you keep doing it that person is still going to be mad at you because you don't care enough to try not to step on their toes
if you give a grovelling begging apology after accidentally stepping on somebody's toes one time you're going to make the whole thing awkward, but not giving a quick "sorry" before moving on is still kind of rude.
WHY WRITE AND MAKE FLAWED AND PERSONAL CHARACTERS WHEN YOU CAN JUST MAKE STUFF THAT IS CORPORATE FRIENDLY AND WON'T MAKE CISHET (MEN) PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
something that i dont think a lot of people realize about being a trans woman, especially an autistic trans woman, is that i have to mask literally all the time. and if i ever step out of line even a little bit, it will be used in the worst faith way possible.
if i show any emotion at all, even if its the mildest annoyance, its read as extreme anger which is too aggressive and violent, and that basically means im a man
if i express any sort of desire or say that i want something or even just over enthusiastically agree to someone else's suggestion, my want will be read as pushing my want onto others which will be read as persuasion which will be read as coercion which will be read as rape.
if i complain about how im being abused even the slightest amount, its actually my own fault and other people have it worse and im basically doing DARVO shit by talking about my own abuse, and i should learn to just shut up and take it.
but, here's the kicker. if i hide any of this in, if i try to make myself small and take up as little space as possible, if i try to be the world's most perfect doormat, that means im never saying what i want or expressing my emotions or opinions. which means im lying by omission. and im at fault no matter what.
you need to love the bpd trans girl btw. u need to see how scared she is, how desperate she is for attention n love and reassurance, and u have to love her. you need to let her know she isnt a bother or hard to love, too. u need to let her know shes loved n ur not gonna leave her
Sometimes it pisses me off to see people equate the transfem Ralsei mod to the gendered Kris mod.
The issue with the gendered Kris mod is that it erases a marginalized identity, while the transfem Ralsei mod does not.
Props to gamebanana for actually removing the gendered Kris mod though.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
there's never enough money each month. there's always an unexpected illness. new symptoms pop up or old symptoms flare up. meds have to be managed always and refilled constantly and any refill has the opportunity to go wrong. any regular care has the opportunity to go wrong. any mistake can send your health spiralling. it's always "i just need to get through this bad patch" but as soon as one ends another begins. another crisis begins in the middle of the last crisis. managing one thing leaves another thing to be neglected until that becomes a major issue and has to be managed asap and the cycle starts anew over and over and over
An insidious thing about transmisogyny that wears you down is having your actions constantly being interpreted as worse than they are.
This can be in small degrees, sometimes to a large degree, but what makes this hard and gets in your head is that it's 1) very frequent 2) gets applied to things you actually did wrong on top of positive and neutral actions.
For example:
you hug your friend -> to tme people you are trying to grope them
you are being sarcastic -> to tme people you are demeaning
you are overwhelmed -> to tme people you are manipulative
you are frustrated -> to tme people you're an asshole
you are mean -> to tme people you are abusive
This one time, I overheard a cis friend on the phone with her partner. She told her that I was being creepy because I sat down next to her on her bed when we watched a movie. She put the laptop there. There was no couch to sit on. There were two feet between us when I sat down.
That experience was a real eye-opener for me. It was rarely that clear to me what was going on. I ended the friendship just shortly thereafter.
There was another time when I started playing an TTRPG with some friends. There, this pattern started showing where most of my ideas were being shot down in unison. Meanwhile, the others acted like the speech and actions of my larger-than-life bard were my own. It was this paradoxical scenario where I got to contribute less and less to the direction of the game, while the unspoken consensus seemed to be that I was trying to commandeer it. Consequently, I got more irritated and impatient as the game went on, and that shone through.
When I tried to gracefully leave the game, saying that our play and communication styles seemed to differ too much, I was called an asshole and excommunicated from the friend group.
That one really got under my skin, because I can see that I was acting a bit like a know-it-all a couple of times when I got frustrated. I was not acting my perfect best. But I shouldn't have to act my perfect best to not be called an asshole and kicked out.
Even when this transmisogynist pattern is not as overt as in those examples, you can see it in the way other wince at you are avoid you, even when you are doing something harmless or mildly inappropriate.
I should also mention that experiences like this pretty much disappeared completely after I moved cities and went stealth. It took me a bit to get used to it, but people now actively welcome me platonically touching them, and cis women feel at ease cuddling with me.
