Axel Layn Kemp

This is not my skin

Wrapped around muscle and bone

I'll find my way home

From in-between the trees

And the dirt and mud beneath my feet

A place where I can finally sleep

Where I know who I'm supposed to be

But before that

I'll transform completely

Fix my placement

And my voice

Fix my head

And my body

My eyes will repent

For what they have seen

And I'll feel a pop

Somewhere beneath

My lungs will release

Gut-wretching screams

And I'll breath in

With a burning chest

The impure air

Filled with a hatred

For humanity

A punishment

My mind is a blank page,

Covered in red stains.

Every inch drenched with reality

With what I wished I could have seen,

And stitched up before I lost me.

A gash hidden underneath,

Just continued to bleed.

What was my name before?

Before I walked away

From my beating heart?

I left it back in that lake.

Filled to the brim with

Rose petals and dirt.

No one has to know

No one has to know you

Invisible is the expectation

And if I’m seen then I’m forced to hide

A veil could kill

And their eyes do kill

If I’m seen, forced to die

Hide myself, so my corpse doesn’t scare

And I’m supposed to care

And I’m only a product of influence

Not like I could have been

Not like I could have chosen to be

Do I choose my fate?

Then is death escapeable?

Or is death the escape?

My panic blinds, and muffles my words

And now I’m not the same

And now I’m insane

I see something, no one else sees

And I spiral in silence

Bite my tongue

(A language created by me)

Consonants:

ch, h, s, l, r, d, q, p, c, ç, f, g, v, n

Vowels:

a, i, u, e, ė, o, y, ø

As you shed your clothes

Your soul sheds its shield

And opens up your chest

For me to reach inside

Your ribs will open wide

And your spine will bend

Purifying your body

With God’s great revenge

And I’ll try to pull away

From your beautiful rupture

Before he gets me too

But my actions are taken as an offer

My fingers will entwine

With your body’s meat

And I’ll be sucked inside

You couldn't stand to face me

As you whispered your truths

I feel your warmth

In shades of orange

Your breathe so close

Yet, you can stare at me

So perfectly clear

As you shove your pain down my throat

I gag and welch

Your eyes find what they seek

And I start to weep

Continuing to push

I look up at your steady eyes

Wondering, will I have to say goodbye

I'd rather be crushed

In the heat of your denial

Than walk away

ITCH

My skin feels like velvet, a warm embrace around my innards. I pick at it, destroying something beautiful. It's all I've ever longed to do. At least this much is manageable. My fingernails dig under my blanket, I feel the warmth underneath, slimy and congested.

I was born defected. Tearing things apart was always a stress relief. It started with the walls. The blaring white canvas of my bedroom confines, my prison. I used to sit there for hours and pick at the paint. Little by little, the dingy yellowish-white colour hidden underneath became known. And it was irresistible.

In a moment of clarity

Your eyes look tired,

They've lost their shield

You're running away too

You're running away

My hands were never enough

To stop the bleeding

In the end

Our bodies were never meant to put out the fire

Left us blistered and broken

Grey skies, and little lies

A stormy heart

Filled with words

That must not be said

Silence is surrender

And in surrender

I am dead

Empty parks

And creaky swings

They wail for the loss of innocence

For the wonder ripped from children

Who I am is not right

I have transgressed

And for that I must be punished

The punishment is in my head

I'll devoid myself of lullabies

Cause I'm not longer a child

I'll eat the dirt I'm fed

Cause it saves other people from their dread

I'm at the mercy of my messy mind

And the messy minds of others

Because I remember a time

Where everything felt blurry

I'm a ghost

Inside of a body

Still too small for my dread

And a hate that threats

You gasp and wretch for another breath

Of the air that She provides you.

Her sorrowful and tired eyes peer as you try to

Cover up your nakedness with Her dirt and shit.

You eat and eat till your body's full

Of grass and rocks and sticks.

And once you're numb She'll try to peel

You away from your clutch on your own skin.

She cannot bear to see another child

Left behind to rot and die

For humanity has forsaken them.

There is nothing more beautiful

Than flesh's imperfection.

Bruises painted on skin

Remind me of the fleeting time

Maybe one day we won't continue to be pushed away.

Maybe one day you and I will be here to stay.

In our house of broken promises and lingering touches.

Silence me

I feel my lungs quake

At what I might be

If I continue to push

What will happen to you

I'm filled with rot

My body, a decaying pot

Of vulgar words and reckless thoughts

Which I've never acted on

But they're just as real

As the good deeds

They belong to me

I hold my breath

Cause every intake is another weight

Cotton shoved down my throat

And when I let it out-

Underneath your knife

Pressed against my spine

Hands dirty with blood

Never know if it's yours or mine

Underneath tangled sheets

Silk stained with guts

Our sins draped over us

And intertwined in God's eyes

Underneath a blurry guise

Of fires that we lit

Pungent and Suffocating

And to them, we will never commit

Underneath a dangerous line

Of lies and highs

It cuts our breaths

And brings us closer to our death

Underneath our roof

Made with heavy pieces

Of our fragile truths

With them come scary times

Of the sins of others

That came before us

They'll eventually resurface