DC Meme

Just thought I’d share someone put a life-sized Batman on the roof of their apartment today…

In the area of my city with some of the highest gang and drug related crimes…

And across from a nursing home where one patient back in 2016 escaped and took his pants off screaming he was, in fact, Batman.

Bruce: “Bruce Wayne! Easy!”

Selina: “Is that the one you said had a baby with him” “she’s one of the women yes but not who you’re thinking” “ah, sh*t…Vanessa?”

Stephanie: “…You drive me crazzzyy-” “NOT EVERY BLONDE IS BRITNEY SPEARS”

Tim: “Is he one of them bisexuals?” “What’s wrong with bisexuals?” “Nothing he just looks like it.” “What does a bisexual look like to you?” “*points* THAT” “Kay!” “Bill the bi.” (He refused to answer again)

Damian: “It’s giving violence” “Name?” “Rage” 

Dick: “It’s giving f*ck boy.” “You don’t know his life!” “Chad.”

Jason: “That’s the guy I’m going as for Halloween, right?” “Yes but what’s his REAL name?” “(Says his own name)” “Fine. But I hope you know he dies at one point.” “Even better.”

Barbara: “She looks like a Beth? Bethany?”

Duke: “Joseph.”

Talia: “THATS the one you were talking about-“ “yes!” “Talbitha”

Cassandra: “I’m freaking telling you that’s the girl from resident evil!” “It’s not Ada Wong.”“Someone go find her Leon.” “SHE’S NOT ADA WONG!”

Batman: “Batman.” “His real name?” “Bruce Wayne.”

Robin: “Robin!”

Red Robin: “Uh…that Adam Driver guy?” “Babe, that’s the actor from Star Wars.” “Oh sh*t that’s a real person?”

Nightwing: “Oh-oh- that’s the flying blue lesbian” “exCUSE ME?!”

Bluebird: “Blue vigilante”

Red Hood: “Oh sh*t that’s gonna be me next Halloween-“ “Kay (his nickname)” “He’s got my gun, badass leather, a helmet…” “Just tell me his name.” “He’s even got my muscles- Killer Kay.” “I can’t with you.”

Batwoman: “Bat girl”

Batgirl: “Wait what-“ “This one’s different from the other.” “Uh..Bat..Batlady?”

Spoiler: “The purple people eater” “are you serious?” “Never.”

Catwoman: “Catwoman.”

(HOSTAGE BY PEOPLE YOU KNOW)

Citizen 1: *tied above a boiler with everyone else* I hate Mondays.

Citizen 2: It’s f*cking Wednesday!

Thug: Hey! Quiet down over there!

Citizen 2:I know that voice..JERRY?!

Jerry:…happy hump day?

_____

(VILLAIN INTERACTIONS AT WORK)

Citizen 2: What can I get for you today?

Riddler: Hm.. something often a necessity to some, a treasure to many.

Citizen 2: huh?

Riddler: Best enjoyed around company of plenty. Some like me hot, some like me cold-

Citizen 2: Sir-

Riddler:some prefer me mild, some like me-

Citizen 2: A coffee.

Riddler: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

Citizen 2: …This is a Starbucks.

_____

(CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS)

Citizen 1: Oh sh*t look it’s Vicki Vale!

Citizen 3: Oh sh*t, look, I don’t care 😀

Citizen 4: She’s dangling off a building!

Citizen 3: Shocker there.

Citizen 4: Why are you like this?

Citizen 3: B*tch gets caught dangling 3 times a week off of something. This is a Tuesday for her. I’m busy tinder swiping.

_____

(COPS NOT GIVING AF)

Selina: *slowly puts jewelry in her coat pocket*

Citizen 4: *makes eye contact*

Selina:… Listen doll-

Citizen 4: Just go.

Selina: You saw nothing.

Citizen 4: Oh I saw. I just don’t get paid enough to care… also the diamonds fake-

Selina: EBay doesn’t know that.

I figured out how to turn off autocorrect so it types ‘Selina’ and not ‘Selena’ woohoo! Progress! Multiple parts, all longer than usual.

Damian: Why is it everyone has to be within the same household?

Dick: Because it’s quarantine. Meaning you isolate with people you’ve been in contact with already that could have the disease.

Jason: I mean, I’ve gotta agree, this seems a bit blown out of proportion. The symptoms aren’t reading.

Tim: I think it’s more of the spread that’s of concern and those with preexisting health conditions being affected more than anything else-

Bruce: *throws tiny robots on the ground that latches to everyone’s ankles* There.

Jason: HEY! You said I wouldn’t be under house arrest again if I didn’t blow shit up (on purpose) or cause a full body cast for at least 3 weeks!

Bruce: This isn’t house arrest, this is insurance that none of you try to leave and put others at risk of infection.

Damian: That is absurd!

Dick: I gotta say, this feels a little extreme, Bruce.

Tim: Yeah, no. *takes it off*

Jason: How the f*ck?!

Tim: I’m gonna go stay at my boyfriend’s.

(WITNESSING VIOLENCE AMONGST HEROES)

Citizen 2: …Is the little Robin chocking Red Robin with his own cape up there?

Citizen 1: *not looking up from his phone* Just wait for Nightwing to break them up.

____

(HERO INSURANCE COVERAGE)

Citizen 3: What the hell do you mean my insurance doesn’t cover damages by the red hood- I got the full “hero collateral damage” package… What the f*ck do you mean Anti-heroes don’t count- THE WORD HERO IS RIGHT THERE!!!

____

(DATING CRIMINALS)

Citizen 2: Could you come pick me up?

Citizen 4: Is everything ok?

Citizen 2: Date got arrested.

Citizen 4: It happens to the best of us. Be there soon.

____

(DISCOVERING A NEW WAYNE)

Citizen 3: Who the f*ck is Jason Todd and why is he fighting Bruce Wayne on Twitter.

Citizen 1: Witness protection program guy, adopted son of his, tends to drop off the radar a lot.

Citizen 2: His feed is fire tho.

Citizen 1: Oh absolutely. Dude hit thousands of follows in a week after getting posted on that weird ‘hot guys reading’ Instagram.

Citizen 4: Didn’t he also go viral over a Colleen Hoover argument?

____

(ALMOST GETTING MUGGED)

Thief: Give me your purse or I’ll-

Citizen 3: *keeps walking*

Thief: Hey! I’m talking to you-

Citizen 3: I work for Ace Chemicals.

Thief:… do you need money? A warm meal?

Citizen 3: A sleep-aid would be nice.

Thief: Fair enough.

____

(LOSING JOBS)

Citizen 1: I’m off to the bank!

Citizen 4: Be sure to grab your bullet proof vest on the way out!

Citizen 3: I’m going to work.

Citizen 3: *answers phone, rolls eyes* Nevermind. Blew up again.

____

(SEES OLD FRIENDS- MEETS NEW FELONS)

Citizen 2: So, jerry, I heard you’re a business man now. Where at?

Jerry: I mean I wouldn’t say I’m a business man, I do wear a nice suit and walk around a type of office tho!

Citizen 2:… oh, Jerry-

Jerry: Black Mask has the BEST health insurance policy.

Citizen 3: At least he’s not working for the clown. Then again, I hear his dental insurance is fantastic.

Citizen 2: *head in hands* Jerry..

Inspired by my response to the very true words of @daminette-56 on the jealous issues of one Selena Kyle over a certain Wayne.

Also it keeps autocorrecting Selena’s name for some unexplainable reason so it’s an ‘e’ for now and not Sel.ina.

_____

Bruce: You know, you’re the most jealous woman I know.

Selena: You know other women? 😡

_____

Dick: You ever wanna talk about your emotions TM?

Jason: No🤷

Tim: I do!😁

Dick: I know David😑

Tim: I’m sad 😞

Dick: I know David😑

_____

Dick: Let me see what you have 🤨

Damian: A KNIFE😃🔪

Dick: NO😯🏃‍♀️

_____

Jason: All women *pulls out lightsaber* are 👸🏻✨queens✨👸🏻

Kate: *pulls out saber* If she’s breathes 💨She’s a THOTTTT💥

_____

Alfred: *After dealing with children all day* Two shots of vodka 😁💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

_____

Stephanie: *screams*

Duke: AH! Stop! I coulda dropped my croissant 😡

_____

Dick: *random backflip* 🤸🏻‍♂️ I’VE BEEN DREAMING OF A 💕💋TRUE LOVES KISS💋💕

_____

Bruce: You know what you’re in time out😠 Get on the fridge! Get up there!

Jason: This house is a F*CKING NIGHTMARE! 🧗

_____

Damian: *stares at his father for the first time*

Bruce: 😅Uhm…

Talia: 🤨

Bruce:…… Wanna beer?🍺

Talia: HE’S FOUR!🤬

Bruce: I DON’T KNOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM?!

_____

Bernard: OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!

Tim: what is it?

Bernard: 💋

Tim:… 🧑‍⚖️OVERRULED.

_____

Duke: 🎤SHE’S A BEAST 😤 I CALL HER MAMA😊💕

Dick:…that’s not the words.

_____

Selena: I saw you hangin’ out with Kaitlin yesterday-

Bruce: 😮Rebecca! It’s not what you think 😰

Selena: I won’t hesitate b*tch 💥🔫

_____

Damian: I just miss the 90s.

Colin: Oh yeah we’re you born?

Damian: 2004.

_____

Talia: *Trying to hype up her son after Ras yells at him for not choosing to be his successor again* If your name is junior and you’re really handsome come on raise your hands 🙌 🎵🎶🎵🎶

Damian:… *grins and raises*

_____

Dick: *in princess pajamas*Hey *munch munch* 😏I want to be ✨Famous✨

_____

Alfred: Stop before I take away your toys.

Tim: *crying*

Alfred: Imma take away your wifi.

Tim: *silence*

_____

Bruce: YOU GONNA WORK HARD?

Duke: Sir Yessir!

Bruce: YOU GONNA BE COMMITTED?

Duke: Sir Yessir!

Bruce: Than jump down that hole.

Duke: *rubbing his shoes, a gift from Cassandra and bites his lip* I dunno captain I just got these J’s they fresh out the box 📦 👟

_____

Kate: Hey I’m lesbian 🏳️‍🌈

Cassandra: I thought you were American 🇺🇸 ❓

_____

Duke: we’re getting pulled over!

Jason: Quick! Put these on *pulls out Camo suits*

Jim: license and regi- what the 😨 Nobodies here ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Jason and Duke: *opens doors and dances out*

Jim: Who opened the- DEVIL CAR 😱 DEVIL CAR 😭

Damian: I have a project due on my life and need to know the timeline we all met, so that I can try and make it sound as normal as possible.

Dick: Ok, well, I met you about the same time as Bruce.

Tim: I don’t remember much before you tried to murder m-

Jason: Your birth, idiot.

Tim: Are you confused?

Damian: No he’s in the background of one of my baby pictures I can see if mother will send it to me.

Dick: JASON THAT WAS MONTHS BEFORE WE KNEW YOU WERE BACK!!!

Tim: You’re telling me you knew Bruce had a son with an A-list villain and told nobody?

Jason:… In my defense-

Dick: WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK?!

Jason:- I didn’t wanna tell until we 100% knew Bruce was the father.

Dick: Who the hell else could it have been???

Jason:……

Tim: OH MY F-

Damian: NO ONE TELL FATHER!!

Citizen 4: Batman, obviously. His impact lead to our other heroes!

Citizen 2: Probably Batman.

Citizen 3: Red hood.

Citizen 2: They asked the most effective, not the most violent.

Citizen 3: I appreciate Batman and all but he doesn’t exactly come up with permanent solutions to the crime here.

Citizen 1: What and red hood does?

Citizen 3: Black friends with Jack, red and your dead. If Batman runs at me I’m walking away with broken bones and some time… but if I see a red mask and combat boots chasing me I’m done. Dead…

Citizen 2:….

Citizen 1:….

Citizen 3: That or my legs are spread. Either or 🤷🏼‍♀️

It was going to feature someone trying to break out of the manor but then I realized…There’s Tim Drake…

The world is under quarantine…

And he has no spleen….

Bro is freaking out meanwhile Damian pretends to cough anytime he sees him walk by and Bernard tries to sneak in but Jason goes nuts on him for trying to ‘get down with the sickness’.

Stephanie is texting him from her apartment while Dick freaks out and starts disinfecting… everything…

Alfred is old so Bruce basically screams at everyone to do their own shit and walk the opposite direction of the man if they haven’t gotten tested yet.

Talia starts arguing with Bruce that Damian would be safer from COVID if he stayed with her in the mountains and the only reason Damian won’t leave is because she won’t let him bring all however many of his animals.

Selena turns into an alcoholic in the basement and gets mad at Bruce for talking to the mother of his youngest son but then remembers she can get drinks and never full signed the prenup so it’s fine.

Disclaimer: My post was NOT made with the intent of shaming/attacking other races and cultures. This is purely a comedy skit based on one of the many versions of Damian’s conception. It is not meant to offend nor shame anyone. I use multiple different versions of different events to come up with various skits normally comedy-centered and hadn’t known people would assume that the assault aspect of this event was in relation to the race of the character. Forgive if this previously came off otherwise and thank you to those kind enough to point this out to me in a civil, kind manor upon my confusion and defensiveness.

(Texting)

Talia: What do you mean how my son was conceived?

Selena: Oh sweetie you can’t be THAT stupid.

Selena: Please God tell me you are not ignorant enough to think any of that was consensual.

Talia:…

Talia: That is none of your business.

Selena: How the hell is it not my business when you basically assaulted my husband?

Talia: I just don’t think your opinion is necessary.

Selena: I warned you-

Talia: What could you possibly do to hurt me? I am Talia Al Ghul. Leader of the league of assassins. My father was the head of the Demon and

Selena: Since you apparently love a long ass introduction allow me to write one for you-

Selena: “My name is Talia Al Ghul and I am a Daddies girl who used a pit full of life reviving chemicals as a f*cking hottub as a teenager. Making me crazier than I already was,”

Selena: “,My mommy never loved me so hyper-fixated on babying my own son until I got tired of him decided to make a bunch of clones to spice things up a bit,”

Selena: “,Then I sent him to live with his biological father who resents me because I tried to force him to love me back through a string of drugs and violence,”

Selena: “,This then leading to a lot of emotional baggage for his future and the woman he actually does love.”

Talia:…