sender falls asleep against receiver's shoulder half way through a movie
noah has always been kind of nervous about physical contact. ivan has been marked as safe in his head for a long time. perhaps that's why sitting, shoulders pressed together like they're still kids, doesn't make him panic. it doesn't make him feel nervous the way so many other things have. there are things noah has done, things he has never mentioned to anyone. things he never mentioned to ivan, obviously. but he and his aunt could see something off in noah vanek, he's sure of it. he doesn't think ivan's aunt ever really believed all those bruises were from hockey. but she made sure he had a real meal every once in a while, she let him have a soft place to fall in her nephew's room. that mattered. that was enough.
noah ordinarily suggests terrible movies. he likes bad practical effects and convoluted plots, he gets a kick out of something so bad it's good. it helps that all of the acting is bad, the screaming isn't believable. so he threw on some stupid movie, like he and ivan had never been apart. like he never moved away from the midwest or barely made it through some months, where the only thing he could do was send a sign of life text. they slotted back together easily. naturally. and his chest tended to twist with that same stupid crush from so long ago that he almost forgot it existed. almost.
he doesn't move when ivan's tilts his head on noah's shoulder. he catches the lazy, tired smile and the shining of his eyes. so he doesn't say anything. he doesn't comment on the movie, when he ordinarily would. instead, he sits, watching something awful, and letting the peace wash over them both. by the time they've reached the end of the movie, noah notices he's asleep. he's pretty sure he's been asleep a while, based on the way he didn't even stir when the tv flicked off. and noah's chest twists stupid again. of course it does. warm and defenseless and perfect and too risky to mention. so he doesn't. he just sits there, patient and unmoving, and leans his own head back on the couch.
he never really sleeps well. he never really has. there's a word for that, noah!! but right now, he just leans back. he takes in the room around him, pieces of ivan spilled out sideways, gathered in corners, splashed on walls. noah is still living out of boxes. but a sweatshirt that looks well loved here, a poster there, lush plants in corners with the pink glow of plant lights – it looks so homey. like love and care has been pressed into every wall, every piece of furniture, every choice made. and maybe noah's overthinking home decor a little, but sue him !! he's still pulling his clothes out from cardboard !! home, for noah vanek, has never been a place. it certainly hasn't been chicago in a long time. but maybe, like this, it could be. maybe he'd be able to be someone who found a place for his weary bones to rest. god he's so tired.
eyes slip closed, and for the first time in a long time, sleep comes easy.