That Guy

I didn't think the unfriending would bother me.. But it did

Day 1: I cried so hard that it scared my father; he spent the night outside my bedroom door just to make sure I didn’t stop breathing like a newborn in her crib the first week Day 2: I went to work and cried in the bathroom Day 3: I believed I was cured, now I think my mind was playing a cruel joke on me Day 4: I told you I missed you and you replied with “thank you” Day 5: I saw a picture of you on Instagram and it lit my throat on fire so I burned your love letters over the flame Day 6: I smoked weed with a boy on his back porch and he asked questions you were afraid of but still I couldn’t kiss him on his couch Day7: I couldn’t sleep because I kept dreaming of you kissing other girls on your couch Day 8: I gave you all of your stuff back and you thought I looked like a warrior but really I went home and cried an entire ocean into existence Day 9: I laughed without you Day 10: I kept finding excuses to text you and you kept ignoring me Day 11: I cried until my stomach heaved itself up and I slept next to the toilet in case those nasty dreams came again Day 12: since when is heartbreak so goddam romantic? There’s nothing pretty about losing feeling in my knuckles after squeezing my hands so tight to keep from texting you Day 13: I could never squeeze them tight enough; I could never have imagined that you would be so good at letting me fade Day 14: the doubt makes my spine feel less like vertebrae and more like a giant icicle (you never loved me) Day 15: I found out you had replaced me and it flicked at my bruises but my ribs didn’t break Day 16: I told everyone about you and they said you were stupid for leaving but I think you were stupid for staying the first time you sliced my heart on the side of the road Day 17: I didn’t think about you for an entire night because I was drunk in bed with someone else Day 18: what color are your eyes? How big are your hands? Where was that freckle on your face I used to look at while you slept? Day 19: sometimes all I feel in my chest is my heart trying to break out of its cage I think it’s tired of everything I have put it through Day 20: I’m sorry I couldn’t ignore your birthday; I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry Day 21: this was a shitty poem about a shitty person but I don’t think of you so much anymore, I don’t think of you so much anymore