Dawnpath's Blog

I want to stop feeling lonely. Failing that, I want the loneliness to stop intensifying exponentially when someone doesn’t message me back in 40 minutes. I want to stop worrying about how I fucked some message up bad enough that yet another one of my friends is going to go AWOL for a month or more. I would like to be able to lash out at them when they finally do respond because of the stress, sadness, and loneliness I’ve felt when I was waiting on ‘hi’.

Something else that would be nice; stop feeling guilty that I was upset they didn’t respond, because as a rational human being I know the world is not something that revolves around me. It might be nice to stop feeling guilty all together. Angry would be nice to lose. Although, I don’t think I could live without stress. I think that, when I’m not stressed, everything around me seems incredibly boring and uninteresting, including my hobbies and general interests.

But what you will see after you say sorry? “Don’t worry about it.” “It’s alright.” “It doesn’t matter.”

Article: http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/heres-everything-thats-wrong-with-that-viral-offline-dating-video

This goes along point-by-point with hers. I realize that my opinion is not likely to be shared by many, but I still feel like sharing it in the hopes that this stand-offish, offended-type articles and attitudes might be soothed a bit. I believe that people should work together, and working together doesn’t point fingers, or  try to nitpick every flaw. It’s trying to work through a problem with both parties so that they can function together. Know what I’m trying to say? Hope so....

Ma'am, I would like a moment of your time. In that moment, I would like to point out a few things that I feel you do not address in your explanation of these videos. I realize that my opinion is just that: an opinion, but due to the large amount of negativity this article portrays I would like to take a little bit of my time to display a different view.

Your first point, the point about us feeling bad when he gets shut down, is not something I see as negative. Maybe I don't see it as a very strong motif, but in all honesty the point of the video is that he's putting himself out there. It DOES take courage to talk to strangers. Especially if you are trying to convince them to go out with you. There's plenty of anxiety and fear to overcome, namely the fear of rejection. And the video doesn't suggest in any way that the women are at fault. It's more like a sympathy thing. "That's too bad." I'm not seeing this 'cold, harsh women' vibe. Lets couple that with the observation that, if a women told him no dice, he left them alone. I don't see how this targets women, or tells them not to say no. That's certainly not the message of this short video.

Your second point is based around appearance, which I feel is unfair. Of course if a person looks like he's going to hurt you, or a total slob, or similarly undesirable, they aren't going to do something like this. The world we live in isn't trained to look past those things. Especially if someone looks dangerous: most people are going to avoid that person. So a film about a guy trying to get a date isn't going to feature a person who is undesirable. It is unfortunate, yes. But if the roles were reversed, and it was about a women trying to find a guy to date, would you appreciate it if I complained about it and implied that the only reason she was even in the film was because she looks great? I'm pretty sure that would earn me plenty of unpleasant labels.

I find your third point a little uninspired. Honestly, in a face-to-face situation, most people can read a person well enough to know if they're too busy to talk. Annoyance shows strongly on people who are in a hurry. In fact, she could've walked in away at any time. She could have told him to go away. In honesty, I think he was trying to be cute by mimicking films with similar scenes. Your comment underneath, not gunna lie, makes me angry. There are so many assumed variables: You don't know she's busy, you don't know if she told him to leave, and I'm pretty sure you weren't there, so you don't know the situation leading up to what was shown. You really have nothing to go on other than what the video gives you. And that's that this guy walked backwards to talk to ask a person on a date. It probably wasn't really that big of a deal. I don't see the cause of offense. I'm going to keep this point short because it piggy backs off the other. If I wanted to talk to a person sitting down, I would want to sit down or kneel in front of them. This provides the ability to respectfully look them in the eye in a non-threatening position. It also shows that you think of them as someone to be respected. You're not just talking down to them and trying to get a response. I don't see how a little spontaneity is a problem. Similar situations happen in bars and social meeting places. Sure, it's not as romantic. But by comparison, online dating just matches you up with another person who's also on the site. You probably haven't met them before, and while you can chat and exchange photos beforehand, you still run the risk of the person being much different in real life. If these websites are acceptable, I don't see why this isn't. Plenty of women turn him down because of it, though. Afterwards, he seems to leave them alone. I don't see anybody being told that they have to go on these dates. I see them being asked if they would like to date the guy. Honestly, a dates just a little bit of time to get to know each other anyway. Plenty of people go on a date and decide the person isn't for them. And if the person is too busy to date, they'll just say no. I know saying no can be hard, because it can hurt feelings and make situations awkward, but if a person has no time for it they aren't going to go.

The man in the video approaching so many women seems more because he's unsuccessful than anything else. You seem to describe it as him just walking around asking these people out one after the other after the other, almost linearly right in front of the other girls. Yes, that would be creepy. But the scenes and times of day change. I mean, you don't just try once at something then give up. That'd be like picking up an instrument with no prior experience, trying to play it, and saying, 'Oh well. I guess I should just give up.' It's just not how things work.

Him asking out more than one girl? I can think of a couple of reasons why. Safety being one. There's safety in numbers, that's why you're supposed to go on your first date with another person. Just in case the other person is crazy. Also, not everyone is out and about alone. If you want to find a date, you need to talk to people. Even if those people are in groups. One person saying no doesn't mean everyone else there hates you. Plus, they've had the additional time around you to develop an impression. They know whether or not they'd like to date you. So, it doesn't hurt to ask. If your referring to the fact that he went on more than one date, fine. I don't think that was overly wrong of him either. All of these people are complete strangers to him, or at least that's what we're lead to believe. Anyone of them could decide they don't like him and just end it there. Similarly, they could be incompatible with him  and so he would cut it off. With this kind of no-strings-attached approach, there is no investment. You're just getting to know each other, to see if it could maybe work. It's what I imagine speed dating would be like, if it were instead called long-dating.

Your eighth point is his lack of chatting up the woman. I agree with you that he should have. He probably would've had more success that way too. But he might not have a lot of experience with meeting people. He was definitely nervous. He could also be a little shy. His inexperience should be a quality about him that's unattractive, not the video. It's not him being some insensitive guy, it's him not really knowing what to say.

So, here's my work screw-up: Day's going fine, pretty normal. Guy comes up, has a price discrepancy. Our store has a policy that, if it's priced different than it comes up, it's free. Couple things: one, it's alcohol. 6-pack of beer that's supposed to be $9.99. A near-by tag of the same brand of beer, though a different kind, has a price of $8.99. Didn't want to fight with this guy over it for a couple reasons.

1) My shift was almost over

2) Seemed like a nice enough guy, and it's an honest mistake

3) His flavor of beer had no price-tag.

I came back and told the cashier the price didn't match. Told my manager the same thing. Manager believes me, gives him the beer, then goes to check. Drags me over to scold me about the policy, which flared my temper up. So, when we get out of sight of customers, I explained my position to him.

I said something like, "Look, I understand the policy. I didn't want to fight with the guy, the cashier already told him about our free policy (which she isn't supposed to do, by the way), and I thought I was helping the customer. Couple weeks ago Brian told us to do what we can to help the customer." See, in my eyes then, we just saved 30 minutes of waiting around looking for a price that may or may not match, to end up with a raging customer who just wanted to get his beer and go home. And then lose that business. I guarantee that guy'll be back.

"That's fine, but it's not the point." And what he said next was the part that cut me hard, "The point was that I took your word, and you lied to me." That's probably the fastest way you can make me feel deep, physical shame. It's like wanting to throw up and die at the same time, while simultaneously giving up your pride. I have a lot of pride in my honesty. While I didn't lie (technically, the prices didn't match. His beer had no price) I did intentionally mislead him. (Worth noting that he's pretty new to the store.) It's not something I'm proud of. But as if that isn't enough: I got off the clock and was talking to a friend of mine, who's a different manager about it and he said, "Wait, back up. You guys gave it to him for free?" I said, "Yeah, that's the policy."

"Who was the cashier?"

"Uhh. *Gives name* But she called the manager over." "Who, *Manager*?"

"Yeah... why?"

We’re trying to get a friend of mine a PS4. All funding is helpful, even if it’s just a buck.

Yeah, so recently I’ve been dissatisfied with myself. So I had a sit-down discussion. With myself. And I’m still dissatisfied with myself. I guess that’s why sit-down discussions don’t work. Here’s the log. Warning: Long, boring, a small waste of your time, and slightly profane towards the end. Peace.

I’m fine

Because if I told you any different

I’d have to take the time to tell you why

And then cope with your logic telling me otherwise.

The truth is hard to come by

And the fact of the matter is

I don’t understand logically

The afflictions of my mind.

The most accurate descriptor

Of my current affliction? I’m tired, but even that…

Even that is a half truth.

I lack motivation.

My drive is weighed down

By doubt, a certain undeniable

Hopelessness that I carry with me.

A suppressed competitiveness

Beaten down by years and years

Of giving up. Of being second, then fourth,

then last.

What is wrong with me?

Long has the day been where

I could say that I was happy with me.

I’m tired. I’m tired of being angry with myself.

I’m tired of only letting myself be half-proud.

I’m tired of qualifying everything I do with

“Oh, no worries. There’s someone better.” As if it were some sort of security blanket.

Some sort of viable excuse, that because there’s

Always someone better, I can be okay with doing suboptimally.

I’m tired. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m tired.

The truth is hard to come by? No, I understand. I understand myself

Far better than I care to admit to anyone.

Including myself.

I dance around competition

So I can tell everyone

“I’m not competitive.”

The truth is that I am.

I die a little every time

I lose. Everytime I could’ve done better

Is like a slap to the face.

Inside I’m so angry a volcano

Could grow dormant under my flames,

Knowing safely my eruption

Would do it’s job successfully.

I’m tired because the energy required

To reign all that anger in could power

The sun another hour after it’s supernova.

And when I can’t? It boils over.

People don’t understand why I get angry.

Why can’t I take criticism? Why can’t I take a joke?

Why can’t I just let it go?

Because I’m already listening to it.

“You’re too fat.”

“Why do you even try?” “You’ll never be good at this game.”

“You can’t write.” “Why bother with your cello?”

“Draw? Hah! Is that what this is?”

“You should’ve done this, this, and this.”

That is what I hear.

When people understand

Tone is as important

As language, I might find peace.

But then, why blame other people? My problems are only important to me.

Just ask my friends.

These ones that don’t talk to me anymore.

It’s funny. Now I see how much I leaned on them.

When a crutch is kicked from your grasp you fall hard.

I’m tired. I miss my friends.

I’m alone, I’m tired.

Most days, I’m pathetic.

I alternate between trying,

And telling myself there’s no reason to.

I know there’s only one way to get better.

I’m tired

I have to try

I’m tired

There’s no point in trying. I won’t be good.

My whole life has been the best story of number 2

In the history of my existence.

Second best son in the eyes of my dad.

My twin brother was always stronger,

More manly, better grades.

My brother is always angry with me.

Before, it was because my image hurt his.

Because I wasn’t cool, he couldn’t be.

Now it’s because my weight steadily increases

And I do nothing about it.

I’m going to be in college soon.

I was supposed to have my shit together.

I was supposed to know.

I’m supposed to know? I’m supposed to fucking know what I’m going to be like in four to eight years?

Like what? Become psychic?

Hah! I barely understand myself now.

AND I DON’T LIKE MYSELF! What kind of person thinks I can confidently make that decision on my own.?

What kind of person writes down their thoughts for thirty minutes.

God, I can’t spell for shit.

And, I can’t think of anything I am good at.

That I can just point to and say,

“Yeah, I’m good at that. That’s something that I could master.”

Not true. I’m good at picking something up.

But over time, I stagnate.

I peak at, ‘Mmmm, okay….’

Because I refuse to get better.

I’m not good at anything though.

Nothing tangible.

I can’t write a compelling story.

My plots are too twisted, I ramble too much.

By the time it’s done I have a hard time

Figuring it out.

I can’t draw beyond recognizable.

Nothing I’ve ever drawn has made anyone excited.

“Hmm, that’s okay.” “Yeah, that looks pretty good.”

“You’re better than me.”

I always love that one. ‘You’re better than me.’

Rich. You could be this good in ten minutes.

Here’s the online guide. Eyeball it.

When I try to think of a talent

When I try to ‘give myself a cutiemark’

I inevitably redefine myself.

That’s great for the first ten minutes.

It’s nice to have a purpose.

Then I fail, and it hurts.

And we’re right back here.

I miss my therapist.

I miss my therapist because

No matter what

He’d probably listen to this.

And I’d get bullshit sayings

That I could eat like cheerios

So I could feel better for another ten minutes.

Sometimes I feel like a lost cause,

But I always feel like a waste of potential.

Why do I rely on people so much? “Friends come and go right?”

I’m a clingy selfish bastard.

Why do I try so hard to keep friends so obviously

Trying to get away from me?

Why do I base my decisions so heavily around their opinions?

WHY CAN’T I SPELL?

Why do I tell  myself “This is me”

When so clearly. So VERY CLEARLY,

IF THIS WERE ME I WOULD BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY?

Why why why why why?