My Disagreement with an Article
Article: http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/heres-everything-thats-wrong-with-that-viral-offline-dating-video
This goes along point-by-point with hers. I realize that my opinion is not likely to be shared by many, but I still feel like sharing it in the hopes that this stand-offish, offended-type articles and attitudes might be soothed a bit. I believe that people should work together, and working together doesn’t point fingers, or try to nitpick every flaw. It’s trying to work through a problem with both parties so that they can function together. Know what I’m trying to say? Hope so....
Ma'am, I would like a moment of your time. In that moment, I would like to point out a few things that I feel you do not address in your explanation of these videos. I realize that my opinion is just that: an opinion, but due to the large amount of negativity this article portrays I would like to take a little bit of my time to display a different view.
Your first point, the point about us feeling bad when he gets shut down, is not something I see as negative. Maybe I don't see it as a very strong motif, but in all honesty the point of the video is that he's putting himself out there. It DOES take courage to talk to strangers. Especially if you are trying to convince them to go out with you. There's plenty of anxiety and fear to overcome, namely the fear of rejection. And the video doesn't suggest in any way that the women are at fault. It's more like a sympathy thing. "That's too bad." I'm not seeing this 'cold, harsh women' vibe. Lets couple that with the observation that, if a women told him no dice, he left them alone. I don't see how this targets women, or tells them not to say no. That's certainly not the message of this short video.
Your second point is based around appearance, which I feel is unfair. Of course if a person looks like he's going to hurt you, or a total slob, or similarly undesirable, they aren't going to do something like this. The world we live in isn't trained to look past those things. Especially if someone looks dangerous: most people are going to avoid that person. So a film about a guy trying to get a date isn't going to feature a person who is undesirable. It is unfortunate, yes. But if the roles were reversed, and it was about a women trying to find a guy to date, would you appreciate it if I complained about it and implied that the only reason she was even in the film was because she looks great? I'm pretty sure that would earn me plenty of unpleasant labels.
I find your third point a little uninspired. Honestly, in a face-to-face situation, most people can read a person well enough to know if they're too busy to talk. Annoyance shows strongly on people who are in a hurry. In fact, she could've walked in away at any time. She could have told him to go away. In honesty, I think he was trying to be cute by mimicking films with similar scenes. Your comment underneath, not gunna lie, makes me angry. There are so many assumed variables: You don't know she's busy, you don't know if she told him to leave, and I'm pretty sure you weren't there, so you don't know the situation leading up to what was shown. You really have nothing to go on other than what the video gives you. And that's that this guy walked backwards to talk to ask a person on a date. It probably wasn't really that big of a deal. I don't see the cause of offense.
I'm going to keep this point short because it piggy backs off the other. If I wanted to talk to a person sitting down, I would want to sit down or kneel in front of them. This provides the ability to respectfully look them in the eye in a non-threatening position. It also shows that you think of them as someone to be respected. You're not just talking down to them and trying to get a response.
I don't see how a little spontaneity is a problem. Similar situations happen in bars and social meeting places. Sure, it's not as romantic. But by comparison, online dating just matches you up with another person who's also on the site. You probably haven't met them before, and while you can chat and exchange photos beforehand, you still run the risk of the person being much different in real life. If these websites are acceptable, I don't see why this isn't. Plenty of women turn him down because of it, though. Afterwards, he seems to leave them alone. I don't see anybody being told that they have to go on these dates. I see them being asked if they would like to date the guy. Honestly, a dates just a little bit of time to get to know each other anyway. Plenty of people go on a date and decide the person isn't for them. And if the person is too busy to date, they'll just say no. I know saying no can be hard, because it can hurt feelings and make situations awkward, but if a person has no time for it they aren't going to go.
The man in the video approaching so many women seems more because he's unsuccessful than anything else. You seem to describe it as him just walking around asking these people out one after the other after the other, almost linearly right in front of the other girls. Yes, that would be creepy. But the scenes and times of day change. I mean, you don't just try once at something then give up. That'd be like picking up an instrument with no prior experience, trying to play it, and saying, 'Oh well. I guess I should just give up.' It's just not how things work.
Him asking out more than one girl? I can think of a couple of reasons why. Safety being one. There's safety in numbers, that's why you're supposed to go on your first date with another person. Just in case the other person is crazy. Also, not everyone is out and about alone. If you want to find a date, you need to talk to people. Even if those people are in groups. One person saying no doesn't mean everyone else there hates you. Plus, they've had the additional time around you to develop an impression. They know whether or not they'd like to date you. So, it doesn't hurt to ask. If your referring to the fact that he went on more than one date, fine. I don't think that was overly wrong of him either. All of these people are complete strangers to him, or at least that's what we're lead to believe. Anyone of them could decide they don't like him and just end it there. Similarly, they could be incompatible with him and so he would cut it off. With this kind of no-strings-attached approach, there is no investment. You're just getting to know each other, to see if it could maybe work. It's what I imagine speed dating would be like, if it were instead called long-dating.
Your eighth point is his lack of chatting up the woman. I agree with you that he should have. He probably would've had more success that way too. But he might not have a lot of experience with meeting people. He was definitely nervous. He could also be a little shy. His inexperience should be a quality about him that's unattractive, not the video. It's not him being some insensitive guy, it's him not really knowing what to say.
Finally, I don't think they secret filmed women, or that it was set up. I honestly think they filmed it then and there, and that's the whole reason behind the people not telling him to run off more often. They seemed a little nervous, truthfully. People get nervous in front of cameras, because they know they are being recorded. They don't want to look bad or arrogant. Further, your closing comment does offend me a little. You are pretty much saying that if it cast a woman, it would've been more about the conversation and that it's male cast pretty much ruins the message. It seems to me you are saying that all guys just want to get the girl and don't care about the relationship. That does not seem fair to me, and I think it would allow for a very glaring double standard.
Thank you for your time, Ms. Lloyd. I hope you find my comments intriguing, even if you don't agree with them. At the very least, it might humor you. Have a nice day.
