Dave's Random Thoughts

I can just picture it now. A senator is attempting to filibuster. Speaker Paul Ryan sneezes loudly, distracting the senator. From behind, someone from the opposing party approaches with a folded chair – *WHAM* right to the back of the head. The previously-filibustering senator slumps against the turnbuckles, slightly dazed, while the assailant throws a couple jabs. The filibustering senator snaps out of it and kicks the assailant square in the stomach; the assailant doubles over momentarily. What now?! ANOTHER senator from the filibustering party has just entered the rotunda and has stepped into the ring! The filibustering senator continues to speak, reading off the entire text of the bill. The new entrant has the assailant in a full-nelson. The filibusterer is now reading down the bullet points, punctuating each one with point with a face punch. *BOOM* Newt Gingrich with a flying elbow from the balcony. Both the filibusterer and his surprise accomplice are laid out on the floor in a daze. Newt Gingrich teabags the filibusterer, and the Speaker begins counting off – if he gets to 10, the filibusterer has not successfuly maintained the floor during his filibuster and must yield back to the speaker! 2….! 3…..! 4….! The filibusterer comes to, tries head-butting Newt in the butt, but to no avail! He’s holding firm! 7…..! 8….! It’s almost curtains for this filibuster! The filibusterer voids his bladder during the struggle; having been holding it in for the past 45 mins. A wet puddle spreads across the canvas of the rotunda. 9….! Out of nowhere, Joe Biden somersault kicks Newt Gingrich off of the filibusterer, who gasps and resumes speaking. The other senators gasp, and the speaker stops counting. Joe Biden has put Newt Gingrich into the Boston Crab, demanding that Newt disavow supply-side economics. Newt grunts and, distressed and through clenched teeth, continues to assert that cutting taxes for the job creators is better for economic prosperity. Wait, what?! How did a Kangaroo get in here?? The Kangaroo has put Joe Biden into a headlock! IS THIS EVEN LEGAL????? Barack Obama, wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, climbs through the ropes onto the canvas of the senate floor, and squares off with the Kangaroo. The filibuster continues, and he’s now listing off the earmark pork related to defense contracts in a small community in Nevada. Obama and the Kangaroo exchange blows and the Ronald Reagan mask is knocked off of his head – OH CRAP IT’S ACTUALLY MICHELLE! Wow her arms are incredible! The real Barack has used the Kangaroo as a diversion to sneak into the rotunda and is behind the Speaker! He has launched himself onto the Speaker and has him in a figure-4! With the speaker distracted, Michelle pulls out a taser and zaps the Kangaroo – the speaker can’t see it! The filibuster continues with the senator now reading off tweets coming in from random Twitter users about #RumbleInTheRotunda.

Andrew Zimmern (via thingszimmernsaid)

Heady Topper, sometimes called the best beer in the world. To me, that’s a ridiculous title for any beer, but this brew is certainly among the best double IPAs in the world. Bright, delicious and a 5/5 every time for me. ©Mike Crupi