Walking the Planet

Real New York Pigeon here with another exciting Eorzean event review! Violence, action, and excitement are on the table this time.

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending the 3rd show in the Eorzean Wrestling Federation’s debut season. I guarantee this is what all your coworkers will be talking about today at the water cooler! Read on to get the scoop.

While I did attend the previous show, the absolute insanity of show 3 prompted me to finally get off my feathered butt and do a write-up. I will preface this by saying I haven’t watched wrestling since my days as a young pigeon peeking into LES apartment windows, and honestly the reincarnation process knocks a few memories into oblivion. Fortunately, I’m not sure if Eorzea had wrestling before the EWF, so it seems both the EWF and I are “winging” it. HA HA HA.

For a bit of context, “wrestling” in this sense refers to the characters and storylines created via theatrical fights. There is a thin veil of feigned reality, but it is very different from your standard pit fights. Risk of death, dismemberment, and bloodspray are low-to-none (for both fighters and audience). Other than the fantasy violence and swearing, EWF events are a perfect place to take your older children or teens. They will absolutely love the pageantry and over-the-top personalities. Get to the venue early, as it will fill to capacity quickly. There is no fee for entry. Tell the kids it’s all real.

Summarizing the shows themselves is difficult. There is a special magic created by the chaotic energy of both wrestlers and fans; the fighters attempt to spin a tale of magic and violence, treachery and brotherhood, all set to heart-pounding music, while the fans scream their bloodthirsty desires. Imagine the thrill of Ul’dah’s bloodsands but with no killing! You can see your favorite fighter walk right out the door and return, mostly unharmed, for their next match. I did not encounter any official betting on matches, but due to the entertainment nature, I would recommend against it. I won’t say they are entirely scripted, but I will always recommend NOT involving your own funds in a Don Coconero event. The house always wins.

NO.  NO NO NO NO AND NOPE