rich ppl truly are so funny because they say shit like “well my family worked REALLY hard for the life we have!” as if every other fucking family hasn’t done that 

We just produce SOUNDS that we give MEANING TO in order to COMMUNICATE and SHARE IDEAS and it’s called a LANGUAGE and… remember when you didn’t speak your second language and you could only hear gibberish like “owhfgbairombdyeo” and now when you hear the exact same gibberish you’re just like “oh yeah, that makes sense” and ISN’T IT AMAZING AREN’T OUR BRAINS CRAZY WEIRD OMG I CAN’T

The american concept of a “far-left” is fucking funny because literally everywhere else that is what is considered very uncontroversial centrism

“The district has been compensating for the spending shortfall by raiding special security fund set aside for unexpected events like protests and state funerals. But the Washington Post reports the fund is ‘now on track to enter the red by this fall.’”

fuck customers who throw their card/cash at you while you’re ringing them out. i love to take their card and put it in the chip reader (which is on their side of the counter!!) and make them feel like the fucking jackasses they are. god damn. like if that’s how you want the transaction to go i can throw your scalding hot coffee across the counter at your face! two can play at this game, buckaroo!