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And This Will Go Down On Your Permanent Record......

Recently, I had someone question my anxiety to someone else (because coming to me for questions, concerns, and clarifications is apparently taboo). They asked, “If her anxiety is so bad, how does she grocery shop?”. It wasn’t asked out of concern, as if they were worried I was going to run out of food in my apartment and starve to death in a panicked fit. No, this was asked by someone questioning…

Currently, my life is one drawn-out panic attack after another, and to be perfectly honest I’m not handling it well at all. It seems like every time I start to calm down, something new happens that just makes me spiral further and faster into doom. Up until a few weeks ago, everything was actually starting to look up. After almost 8 years with this company, I was finally getting an almost normal…

I don’t know if I should continue this blog, or start fresh. I’m at a point where I don’t know what this blog is about, and I don’t know what I’m about. To be honest, I don’t know I’ve moved past this blog, or if my fear of writing for certain people is just holding me back. There is at least one person who reads my posts, for whom I have to censor parts of myself. If not, I find them using what…

I keep a stack of note paper under my register at work. I jot down ideas for TikToks, for things to write, blog topics, To Do lists. I keep a notebook next to my bed, and jot down the thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night. I have a sketchbook solely dedicated to dumping whatever is in my brain, and jotting down shit that I need in my journey to self-betterment. But I can’t do a…

An apology is a full fucking action. It should never be followed by “but……”, and also should never be precluded with “well that never happened….” If someone is brave enough to tell you what’s wrong, and it truly bothers them, then a real apology is needed. This means your take responisbility for your actions and words, and do not place any of the blame on them for the way they are feeling. For…

When everything starts to go wrong in my life, I like to examine what it is that makes me do certain things, or figure out why certain things seem to happen to me. Usually, I wind up focusing on some strang, tiny, insignificant detail instead of seeming the big picture. But this weekend……… well, I think I figured something pretty significant out about myself. You see, I think I realized why I’ve…

So of course, no matter how much I planned, things just went totally wrong all day today. First off, it was raining like mad when it was time for me to leave today. Like, I couldn’t see the road from my window at one point because it was raining so hard. I had my work backpack all packed up ahread of time, an egg salad sandwich already made for my lunch, and Bowser Kitten was guarding my work…

My anxiety is in overdrive right now. Last night towards the end of my shift, my tooth started to hurt. I have had a few dentists work on that area of my mouth in the past, and figured it was just another broken filling. Oh, I was wrong. So very, very, VERY wrong. One of the dentists I saw eventuallyput a filling in my “molar”. Except it wasn’t in my molar. He filled my wisdom tooth. The wisdom…

I don’t know why I bother with dating sometimes. Since we’ve been in lockduwon yet again because of the pandemic, it’s been damn near impossible to meet anyone outside of work. I learned the hard way after dating The X that when you work in a liquor store, meeting men at work may not always be the best idea. So recently, I decided to try online dating again. Of course, I got the requisit Tinder…

Well, I guess I’m back????……….. I went out and got myself a laptop. I had some gift cards that I was given that were supposed to be used on groceries in hard times. I can exist on what I can scrounge up on sale and from the dollar store. A tin of muslces, some carrot sticks, rice crackers, maybe a grilled cheese if I’m really hungry. I’ve also been saving up points from a few programs, and have…

I have so many ideas in my head. There is so much inside of me that I just need to get out…… and I can’t. Before I was too busy to get any writing done. Now I’m just too……. not busy? I have this weight on me, one that I’ve had for ages. Every time I think the weight is getting smaller and easier to bear, someone comes along and adds to it. It’s like every time I get ahead (at least in my own…

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