assorted evil schemes

My wickedest congratulations on crushing the pathetic "revolution" of DashCon 2026. After such an impressive showing of loyalty to the most evil institution of all (monarchy) I have decided to grace you strangest and most foul Internet creatures with my presence.

If you so desire, I accept tribute in the form of asks and submissions, though should you befoul my inbox with the creations of Artificial Intelligence, your soul will be fed to the nearest Nazgûl. And if you were one of the fortunate individuals who captured photographic evidence of my appearance at DashCon 2026, you are highly encouraged to present it to me along with your finest words of praise.

Gandalf Big Naturals will not be tolerated. They're not even natural. Mutuals may address me as "Mairon" but the rest of you wretches must use "My Lord," "Dark Lord," "Dark Lord Sauron," etc. Any pronouns acceptable.

Additionally, this "blog" may occasionally be used by my orc scribe, Glob. Glob's contributions will be organized under the #globposting tag. Glob uses she/they pronouns.

Stupendous report. You are correct, my subject. It was my intention to obscure the view of every panelist in order to cause Maximum Suffering. My Eye should be the only sight you wish to see at DashCon. It was also VITALLY NECESSARY to Observe every room in case any hobbits were hiding under the tables or something. I swear they're fucking everywhere these days.

EVIL BLESSINGS UPON YOU. MAY THY ENEMIES STEPPETH ON 4-SIDED DICE.

--

From Glob (admin):

Gandalf Big Naturals, behold my creation! You can vex me no longer, for I have edited tribute given by my faithful servant @micahsweirdworld to show YOU getting blown the fuck up by my Sick Laser Beam!!! THAT'S HOW IT FEELS, YOU BIG-TITTIED HOBBIT-LOVER! YOU TRY EXPLODING FOR NO REASON RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE A COMBACK!!

Ah Yes, a most Splendiferous piece of tribute. I recall the two souls leading the discussion that day. Intriguing mortals. They were able to command the adoration of quite the large crowd. It was superbly beneficial to have my Eye floating above the throng so that I could Observe them.

You will be spared my wrath the next time Glob or some other useless orc gets on my nerves again.

--

From Glob (admin):

I assume this inquiry is directed towards I, 🔥Sauron the Abhorred🔥, but the true Darkest One is Morgoth. You flatter me with the comparison, my anonymous subject. He is unavailable to answer, but on his behalf I may offer that he enjoys tacos, sausages, corndogs, and many other varieties of vaguely sexual foodstuffs.

O, my Ring. How I missed it so. Alack and alas, Saturday it was locked away and hidden from my sight behind the Volunteers Only sign. I suspect this was the dastardly work of Gandalf Big Naturals.

I had one orc stationed on the inside to try and return it to me but they were GROSSLY INCOMPETENT. They have since been fired. Good help is hard to find these days. If any of my new Tumblrina subjects would like to fill the position, applications are open.