Ich mag Sachen.

98.7 stilLlLl :( Here’s a realllllly uncomfortable Haron spliced onto Ernol’s body with some of Ernol’s hair that both fit really well and really poorly…. …

Context for those of you just tuning in to these posts: my dad’s third language is English, his first is Uzbek, and sometimes the rest of world is not yet ready for the results.

“Sometimes love is like a song - and I can’t read music.”

“True love is realizing neither of us has any idea what’s going on but liking each other enough not to point out how lost you are.”

“Love women like they’re pretzels. Use the tongue.”

“Never wear beige. Beige repels all the boys in the yard.”

When my sister’s boyfriend cheated on her: “It’s like he pooped in your bed. I know this betrayal.”

“Slowdancing is the mayonnaise of sex.”

“Women use lipstick to mark men as their property.” To my mom, immediately: “And it’s an honor, ma’am.”

“The colors of Valentine’s Day are flesh, bones and blood. I like it.”

“You know what they say - eat until your heartbreak goes out.”

“Do not marry anyone you would not stab a man seventy-seven times for.”