Wandering

my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone.  i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner

“No Kelly, that’s illegal.”

Cats

Pavlov is rolling over laughing in his grave.

If you know me based on who I was a year ago, you don’t know me at all. My growth game is strong. Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I think one of the best feelings is someone saying they missed you. Even though it’s just a small comment and most people kind of brush it off, think about it. Someone actually cared that you weren’t there and took the time to tell you.

can i get uh……..McDeath™

is that that one play by Shakespeare

yeah

if life has treated you like trash and you still make an effort to be a good person i appreciate you. thank you.

People in their early twenties still refer to people older than them as “adults”. When do you think they stop… and realize… they are adults

I’m not an adult, I’m a child with a drinking permit.

drinking permit

You don’t have to be grateful that it isn’t worse.

read that. read it again, and again, and again. somebody, somewhere, always has it worse than you. there is one person on this planet that has it the worst of all, and that person is NOT the only person allowed to be unhappy with their lot. if things are bad for you, they are bad for you. period.

You can’t spell disappointment without me.