Danw33

When somebody dies without having kids, they’re breaking a 200,000 year old streak

Millions of alarms go off at the same time every morning.

January is next week, next month and next year.

I hate English

English might seem complicated, but it can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

Fuck you

Love it!

A billionaire buying carbon offsets to justify flying in private jets is like someone dumping a cup of clean water into a public pool to justify urinating in it

“Hippos are so judgmental” is both hypocritical and hippo critical

A fridge is just domesticated winter..

A black cat crossing your path is actually good luck on account of you get to see a cat.

Spiders are the only web developers that enjoy finding bugs

You cook bacon but you bake cookies.

A squirrel’s nutsack is its mouth.