GNOME PENDANT CONNOISSEUR

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

we're getting closer to 2030 and what are we supposed to do then. that's not a number for a year to be

ilya is literally shane’s crazy girlfriend

shane on the phone voice ignore the ruckus in the background ilyas going ham on the porcelain again i dont know i just let him smash up some dishes from time to time it seems to calm him yeah rose has been in touch recently why do you ask?

the real fantasy of heated rivalry isn’t that the hot cocky sex god will fall in love with the uptight socially awkward virgin… the real fantasy is that you can be sooooooo fucking annoying & avoidant & allergic to intimacy and someone who is securely attached will nevertheless doggedly pursue you, make you feel your feelings, and then marry you

I think the closest thing Ilya’s ever experienced to dysphoria is his real genuine grief he can’t baby trap Shane

recentering cum on his rick owens

no one deserves to get railed within an inch of their life more than shane hollander…

he thought he was doomed he thought it was over and then that 6.5 inch 9 incher saved him

Funny as fuck that Ilya yelled “TELL PEOPLE!!!!” At Connors & then it was just him, Marley, & Ilya at the club. The rest of the team said NOSE GOES!!!!!!! Please get Rozanov to stop playing White Ferrari in the locker room btw

thinking of ilya in the privacy of his all stars room door locked carefully typing ‘compatible’ into his phone with the most disgusting feeling of anxiety and disgust at his own needs inside him, thinking about the relief and fear and confusion when reading the result

the way shane’s brand deals and ad campaigns made him much more recognizable to non-hockey fans, jeopardizing his ability to have much of a sex life apart from ilya, while also ensuring that ilya was taunted by images of him year-round…the way shane spent the my moon my man montage getting more famous and more awarded and more celebrated and, simultaneously, more and more ilya’s

a grocery store sheet cake that says "Sorry we made your post about Heated Rivalry"

Scooby-Doo is a dog who can talk, which is amazing, and he largely uses his powers of speech to communicate how scared he is of ghosts and monsters, and basically the only thing his owners do is drive him around the country putting him inside various haunted houses and such. I wish I could take Scooby-Doo aside, I want to say to him, these people are not your friends.