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To keep you all in the loop, I am going through a particularly difficult and dark period in my life regarding my body dysphoria and loneliness that comes as a result of it. I am guilty of going into my own head and cutting myself off from the world when it gets particularly bad!! Which it has not been for legit fucking years!! I sleep, go to work, eat, crap, shower and repeat. Sensing it coming, I spent a great deal of time trying to reach out to people or new people, often over a shared kink or mutual interest as a distraction, which was a big fucking mistake and I have burned myself out emotionally and mentally. I never expected or saw this coming until it showed me it was coming. I thought I had tougher skin than this and clearly my brain was ready to show me otherwise.

I’ve had days where I just feel numb or others where I’ve wanted to claw my own genitals and skin off, as scary as that sounds, I’d never do it. But that doesn’t stop the thoughts, the feelings of being unloved, unwanted, disgusting and a complete impostor. I’m also a Dad as you all know so I’ve REALLY used all my reserves to stay that great dad I take pride in being. My boy is everything to me and then that makes me feel even worse and emotionally very sad because he deserves better than this!!

I have found it healthy and beneficial to have my days now where I do actually allow myself to feel, think and vocalise that sometimes, despite being a proud Dom in a natal masculine body, that I really wish I wasn’t, that I hate how I am perceived sometimes because of what I have between my legs, of how it prevents me from being who I am inside sometimes and that it has resulted in my living a life, where sometimes, I am painfully reminded of the fact that I will NEVER get to truly be myself!! EVER!!

I thought I was past all this shit at 42 … my 20’s were an emotional shitshow, my 30’s were a blast … my 40’s … well let’s just say they could be better, I’m encountering a lot of people of late who treat me like some kind of weirdo or threat, who have the brass faced hypocrisy to only do it to people like me but who happily do not do their mental abuse bullshit to others. I see it celebrated, conveted and encouraged now, so that’s another thing to add onto my burnout pile!! And call me anything you damn well please, you are not ever going to tell me it isn’t because of my fucking genitals, or what I represent physically in this world, its legit fucking gross behaviour and honestly, y’all need to grow the fuck up and quit stirring it!! People are not stupid, and it’s hurting folks!!

I’ll be ok, I know I will, I just need this funk to fuck off!!

Big hugs to those of you who are struggling yourselves but still found the time to check in, we will get each other through whatever funky shit is weighing us down!! 🫂🫂❤️

Hehe!! It’s nice to know there are folks out there who appreciate what I bring to the table. Just a slight tweak though … no milkers … 😂😂🫂

I appreciate this … very much 😵‍💫❤️

If you feel comfortable coming off Anonymous and talking privately about it, I’d really like that!!

I’m legit sick to death of the stupid friggin cuntfest that keeps coming for me on here, they are all as smart as gnats, my mental health is bashed in with it and I’m taking a step back to protect it. Too many fuckin fannys fighting over stupid bullshit!!

I nearly left completely earlier, if it weren’t for my bestie boo Jacky aka @boywithawomb I probably would have. But he reminded me of my positive influence here and what I stand for. And to never give up, I just want to disappear today, but tomorrow, who knows!! Thanks for understanding peeps, can still get me on Telegram, just tell me who you are!! 🫂

Why not both … I’ve been saying this for YEARS!!! Why the fuck not both!!!

Why can’t you have both?? 😈😈😈

I mean sure, why not? But I’ve been dating exclusively in my community since I was 19, after I had my virginity taken against my will by a cis guy. I’ve never been with one since. Going from a child who was convinced they were trans, entering puberty and actually realising they were more non binary … I was open to all and went into the world VERY naive, and as a survivor of a violent assault, I’ve built a very healthy distrust of cis guys because of my past and of witnessed behaviour since. So it’s highly unlikely that I would, but knock yourselves out boys!! 🙂

I know I’m a kinky bastard … and I do indeed bite … but c’mon … with all the porn and hot stuff, one would be forgiven for thinking that at least one of you wanted my brand of awesomeness!! 🤣

Pretty please … 😙

Hey Anon … listen I’m not offended! In fact I’m glad someone actually did take the time to ask this very important question!!

Firstly, I would like to bond virtually with video calls and other methods of communication, then there would possibly be a long distance relationship if we ever met and connected further and lived far apart. I’m not looking to breed successfully immediately, it takes time to see how good a fit two people are, and I don’t believe in bringing a baby into an uncertain, possibly volatile environment. Lastly, the reasons I cannot leave my base in Scotland are simple. My son is here, I’ve rebuilt my career here, my son is also living with my ex husband in a 50-50 custody arrangement. I cannot leave him behind or abandon him, EVER!!

I want a fam life when he comes to stay, myself, his step-papa and sibling/s. That’s the dream. Picket fence and everything … 😂

But seriously, thank you, I usually get a lot of hateful trash or nonsense in my anons, this was a welcome relief and surprise. So thank you!

Calling all my U.K. breedable dudes … the application portal is still open for those who desire a good life, hot sex and a family … DM for deets ☺️🫂

Catch AIDS you chasing, faking fucking fag!! Your fuck trophy child will be better off without your influence and guidance to fuck them up!! Is that why your ex husband left you, because you fucked him up with a baby? You will never convince us otherwise!!

I was going to delete this, I really was, but then I realised that I would be doing a worse disservice to everyone under our banner if I didn’t give you the platform that you so desperately wanted to have over my demise …

Firstly anon, I pity you more than I have words to express or offer. I’m not angry at you for wishing my death, I pity you! You would rather see me dead or dying over engaging in a conversation with me, or accepting that more of your demographic may like to have their own babies, from their own body, than you would care to admit.

Secondly, had you had the guts to come off anonymous and say to me, with your full profile on show, that my son, the best person in my life and a life I would give my own to protect at every second, of every hour, of every single day … face to face I would have happily battered the shit out of you for it, how dare you refer to my child as a ‘fuck trophy’ … but regardless, you are to be pitied and even though I cannot out or shame you with your details on display, I am displaying the darker side of the anons I get. Are you one of those toxic medicalist or ‘truscum’ cunts?? You sure do sound and behave like one!! Dictating as a trans person, what constitutes being a trans person, to other trans people, is the biggest embarrassment to ever grace our shores!!

Thirdly, the only abuser and one who is ‘fucking people up’ is your toxic, arrogant and abusive arse!! Wishing AIDS on someone is truly vile thing to do, but I suspect that you are not of your right mind. You know nothing of my past history, that of my ex husband or of our marriage. For clarity sake, he cheated on me and didn’t want me anymore. That is why we separated and divorced, he never regretted having our son, and he is currently far into expecting another child with his new partner. We have remained friends.

I’m so sorry to break it to you, anon, but you really have to seek help for that vile bitch that resides within your head and your heart. Wishing fatal diseases upon people, calling their children by truly vile terms and calling innocent people abusers and chasers … is truly fucked up behaviour!! You need professional, psychiatric help and sooner, rather than later! It’s not mine or anyone else’s problem if you seek to weaponise what you have from the neck down and how you personally feel about it, I have nothing but pity for you.

😢😢😢

Anon … I’m actually sat having a coffee in my living room and I just burst into tears, like ugly crying!! I was contemplating deleting this blog, convinced that it was no good and I was an idiot. I really didn’t think it was doing any good and it was just making me feel bad inside. But you have changed my mind about that.

I need you to listen to me and I need this message to resonate far and wide. Whatever style of man you are, is your right to exist as!! The list is not exhaustive, you can be literally WHATEVER you want and like being, FUCK THE WORLD!!

I can tell this was incredibly hard for you to write, but I need you to give yourself the credit you are due and deserve for reaching out so frankly, honestly and genuinely.

Whether I succeed or not is immaterial, of course I would love to, my heart kinda depends on it ngl, but it isn’t necessary. I’m just so glad that one of you realised the secondary goal of this blog, the IRL normalisation of carrying your own kids as a dude. That it’s ok to want it, ok to be scared by it, ok to not want to do it and ok to do it through other means. But certainly very valid and welcome to do it!!

Don’t be too harsh on your brothers, you guys have a lot to deal with and many of you have been through some truly horrendous and terrible shit, things that no human being, if there was any solid justice in this world, should have ever had to be a part of in the first place. And don’t give up hope, I’m not alone in the world, we’re quite hard to find, but we do exist.

You’ve made my day, Anon, you really have! And thank you!