🥀

I don’t miss this. I rather be alone than feel it while with you.

I miss parts of the life I had with you in it. Sure, I’m a lot less stressed and it’s nice to have my space and home the way I like it but I’m not exactly what you’d say “happy” still. I miss having you in the same home and knowing I get to fall asleep with my person every night. I miss trying to stay up to watch our shows together and having a purpose to cook and stay busy. It was hard at times but I feel like this is harder; trying to find things to stay busy and failing at it. I thought school would keep me busy but it’s week three and I’m loosing the motivation already. Growing our child with out you here makes me so sad. All I can think about is she feels my sadness too. Where’s dad? Why’s mom so sad all the time? We need you. Amelia needs you too. She’s so lost and confused without you guys here. Her worlds been flipped and I can’t stop thinking, if this this how you treat me during pregnancy then it’ll only show how you’ll be when our daughter is here. I’m so torn on what I know is right and my codependency. I wish you felt happy here. I wish we were enough for you. I don’t understand some days how you don’t feel it too. Please come home..

I miss the friends I lost over this, I miss the confidence in myself I’ve allowed to wither away.