— cool for the summer.

The latter, Dani. I’ve never seen an actual penis in real life, so I just based it off all the unsolicited nudes I’ve received from trash men and from my porn critiques. 

Next time ACup is slow and we have time to fuck around? 

The last penis I saw in real life, I was in high school, so I mean they totally could’ve changed since then. I don’t envy the unsolicited dick pics at all. Random people keep trying to add me on Snapchat and I decline because I feel like the moment I accept, there’s about to be a penis on my screen.

You know I’m totally down.

It’s true! They are. Nah, it’s just in my favourite’s playlist and also in my go to karaoke playlist.

Good choice. What else do you have on there? I feel like you’d be a rad party DJ.

It was my first weekend to myself in a month and how did I spend my Saturday? One might ask… Running around the city doing my boss a “favor”. I’m working on no. I promise. I’ve almost got it down. Now pizza, pajamas and p-Netflix for the rest of the day. Sunday is mine to conquer with my best impression of a relaxed 20-something.

Dude, first off, it took me a good couple minutes to realize the ‘p-Netflix’ thing was to keep in with the ‘P’ theme. I totally thought it was some cool new Netflix extension that I hadn’t heard of because I’m not as cool as I like to think I am. (Still a total badass, though!) Second, what was the “favor”? The quotations totally make it intriguing.

SPENCER: Call me dramatic but if we don’t stop this losing streak, I’m going to start selling tickets to the ‘Spencer Physically Beats Her Own Ass’ Show.

SPENCER: My poor soccer loving heart cannot handle these loses anymore.

New bucket list item, and sub item:

1) Get famous.

1a)Get invited to the Met Gala cuz I’m famous.

Happy Met Gala day, y’all.

Dude, same. All of the Twitter pics of the celebs getting dressed up and ready to go has me so ready to land my future record deal right now.

ELLIE: Well of course it’s gonna be awkward. You’re my now ex girlfriends roommate.

ELLIE: But you’re also my band mate and best friend so if we gotta just not talk about it? I’m fine with that.

ELLIE: I have. Things are getting busier on set and shit so I just look super dedicated to the craft lmao.

DANI: You hit the nail right on the head with all of that. I mean, I'm totally fine with not talking about it, but I also want you to know that although I obviously adore my roommate, I also adore you, so if you want to talk about it, just know that you can. Okay?

@itsjemmabitch: rhony

@itsjemmabitch: real housewives of new york

It’s on my Spotify playlist. Wasn’t going to skip a banger like that. They have so much passion

Oldies are always goodies. Was it your Discover Weekly? Because mine always throws out some freaking bops.

I respect your opinion so highly, Dani.  It would be an honor if you were to make sure there isn’t a pleat out of place. 

How was one of my favorite barista’s weekend?

Then it’d be messed up of me not to do it, right? I’m totally happy to help.

It’s therapeutic doing it, tbh. I recommend. 

Or you and me in the supply closet, that’s therapeutic too–so I heard…

Wait, are you recommending I sneeze into people’s drinks? Or draw foam penises? Because I’m totally not trying to do the first, and I don’t know that I’ve seen enough penises in real life to make it look realistic enough.

Forward. I like it. When are we making this happen?

I’d like to formally apologize to The Showers and any die hard Shower’s fans for the added distraction on the field starting this Sunday.  

(Hint: the added distraction is me in a cheerleading uniform)

As a huge fan, I’m going to speak on behalf of everybody and say that we totally do not mind this addition at all. And if you need someone to give you an opinion on how said cheerleading uniform looks, I know a total badass with two thumbs, a ton of ink and an awesome eye for these things who is happy to help.

@jemmabobemma: WHO NEEDS RHONY WHEN WE GOT THIS SHIT AMIRITE *eats popcorn*

Man, En Vogue didn’t have to go so hard in Don’t Let Go. But they did, and I feel it, every time.

I’m so here for a throwback. What made you listen to that gem?

If you’re ever a dick to me and you’re taking a to-go order, just know I’m making a foam art dick unbeknownst to you. It’s the caffeine version of “suck my dick, asshole.” 

Dude, that’s so much more terrifying than the cliche sneezing into their drink. I’m totally going to start doing the same thing.

Disclaimer that I do not sneeze into anybody’s drinks!

ELLIE: It would be more awkward if you didn’t.

ELLIE: I’m okay though. I think.

DANI: I mean, it's been kind of awkward, lbr.