This Is Pure Self Indulgence

 You knew you couldn’t forgive him for what he’s done. He was selfish. He killed the others to stay on top. He tried to say it was for you, too, but you knew the truth. Lawrence’s only concern was surviving, and for some reason, he thought you were “worthy” to join him. 

He says he loves you, but you do not love him. Maybe if things continued like they were before, maybe you would have grown to… but not now. 

You were smart, though, and you caught Lawrence’s game. You know that you truly didn’t really get a choice of loving him or not. Soon enough, desperation and Stockholm would kick in. It was only a matter of time until he hardwired your brain to be as sick as he was. 

So you fought against him as long as you could. You would not eat, you would not talk, you would not even look at him until he forced you to. You refused to go down without a fight. You would not let him think that you were okay when you were not. 

Because of your stubborn reluctance and many attempts to escape the basement, you eventually fell ill. Which was… terrifying. You were at his complete mercy like this. You both knew it.

You knew Lawrence was growing short with you, but he never gave up. He was just as stubborn as you. He kept trying to take care of you, and now he could, whether you liked it or not. He could treat you with an unsettling softness. He could coax you and your ill mind that he was in love with you and only wanted to take care of you. He would always take care of you. 

You lay on the ground on several sleeping bags, a feeble attempt from Lawrence to create something more soft like a mattress. Your breathing comes out short and labored as he sits next to you, keeping you company while checking your temperature every so often. You needed to eat but you weren’t strong enough, so he had been feeding you on several occasions. You didn’t have the strength to push him away anymore. 

Lawrence was talking about something or other, but you weren’t paying attention. Your head, heart, body throbbed. You stare up at him while he puts together your meal, and he looks oddly at peace. The situation felt awfully domestic… A whimper eventually escapes you. 

His eyes meet yours. “Are you alright?” He asks. What kind of question was that?

“No,” you shake your head. “No, I’m not alright.” 

Again he places his hand on your forehead to check your temperature. You shake him off as best you can, wiggling from under your blankets as you grab his wrist. You want to pull him away, but… you don’t have the strength to fight anymore. 

You finally break in front of him, holding his wrist as you press his warm palm against your cheek. Your body shakes as you sob, your tears falling against and wetting Lawrence’s hand. “Why are you doing this to me?” Your voice is watery and cracks as you continue to cry. 

For once, he looks like he doesn’t know what to do. You’ve caught him completely off guard with your outburst. He only stares down at you with those wide eyes of his that were permanently fogged over with his lust for power and control. They were no different, even now as you fall apart in front of him. 

“Why do you keep acting like everything is fine…? Why- Why do you act like- like you didn’t kill our friends? You say you love me, but Lawrence… This isn’t love. This can’t be love,” You continue to cry into his hand as Lawrence stays quiet. Then slowly, tentatively, he comes alive again and wipes your tears away before cupping your cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and you shake your head. 

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m not sorry for what I did, but I am sorry for hurting you.” Lawrence sighs. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to make you cry.”

His words are sincere, but they mean nothing. You know this. It doesn’t matter how much he wants to protect and love you, because his love will always be wrong. It will always hurt. 

You let go of his wrist but his hand stays on your cheek. It slips down to your jaw, propping your head up so you will look at him. He’s overwhelmingly close. You know what he wants to do. “You can’t,” you whisper. 

“I know.” 

He does it anyway, leaning in and kissing your lips softly. It’s tender and sweet and vile. You lay below him, weeping as he kisses you again and again. 

You never kiss him back because you’re terrified. You’re terrified of how warm he is, how gently he holds you and how earnestly your heart flutters. You know that you hate him but you know that he’s all you have left. 

A horrible disease starts to root in your body that day. Lawrence planted it inside you with his hot lips and silver tongue, and now the disease is growing in your heart and lungs. 

Don’t get him wrong, Zion liked Harry plenty. Maybe he could be a bit of a wuss in Zion’s mind, but he knew how to get stuff done and stop conflict before it could even start. Zion could respect that. And he knew you were safe with Harry, but… did you really have to look so happy about it? You never looked so excited to hang out with him. What was so interesting about Harry?

The next morning you decided to sit next to Zion until the meeting started. He felt a rush of victory (that he wouldn’t dare verbalize) that you decided to hang out with him out of everyone else, as childish as that may seem. You two began to chat casually, joking like you usually do, until Harry walks into the room.

You light up when you see him and say something rather nonsensical in Zion’s opinion, but Harry seems to get it as he bursts out laughing with you. Immediately, his mood dampens.

Must be some sort of inside joke…?

Thankfully, Harry sits by himself at the other side of the room, not furthering your conversation any more. Good. What was so funny, anyway?

Zion was so busy practically glaring at Harry that he didn’t notice Lawrence had walked in until he clapped his hands twice in order to get everyone’s attention.

“We’ll do things like usual today,” he starts. “We’re pretty stocked up for food, so I feel comfortable skipping a town search for today. We’ll do patrols just like normal, but that will be it. Harry, you’re with me for today on the first floor, and Eugene is with ___-“

“Nope,” Zion interrupts without a trace of remorse. He reaches over and places a hand on your head, messing up your hair with a grin. You curse at him and quickly fight his hands away before smoothing your hair back in place. You’re way too cute. “Kid is with me today.”

Don’t fight me on this.

“Oh?” Lawrence raises an eyebrow in interest. “Any particular reason why?”

“Any particular reason why not?” He quips back and Lawrence only smiles.

“I suppose not. Then Zion will be with ___on the second floor, and Ethan and Eugene will be together outside the school.”

“Wh- don’t I get a say in this?” You try to defend yourself and Zion just rolls his eyes.

“What, you saying you don’t want to be around me anymore?”

You immediately answer with a shake of your head. “No! It’s just- ugh. Whatever,” you grumble and grab at Zion’s arm, dragging him out of the meeting room. “Let’s go.”

The two of you start your patrol in relative silence, a silence that makes Zion worry if maybe he did something wrong. “Hey…” he starts, trying to look down and gauge your expression. “Did I mess up?”

You sigh. “No, not really. I just hate when you treat me like a kid, you know? You don’t need to make my decisions for me.”

“Right…” Zion can understand that. He sort of feels a little guilty, now. “I don’t think you’re a kid. I just, uh, really wanted to… patrol with you today.”

Ugh, he feels like such a sap. But it’s all to make you feel better, right? He can make peace with sounding a little stupid if it’s for you.

“Why?”

Zion groans, rolling his shoulders back with a grimace. He really doesn’t want to say it out loud. “Can’t you just be flattered I wanted to hang out with you and move on?”

“I am flattered! But flattery doesn’t come from you very often, can you blame me for being curious?”

“Whatever!” The redhead nervously fidgets with the metal bar on his arm, not looking directly at you. “I just wanted to hang out because you had so much fun with Harry yesterday and I thought that was stupid, alright? I wanted you to, I don’t know,” God, he’s never felt more like an idiot, “wanted you to realize you don’t need to hang out with Harry in order to be happy or something. I can do that too… I think?”

You don’t say anything for probably only a couple of seconds, but to Zion, it feels like an eternity. His face feels almost as red as his hair.

God! This sucks! Expressing how you feel sucks! Why didn’t he just make a joke or something??

Eventually, he feels you grab onto his arm and when he looks down at you, you’re smiling. “Zion, you big sap,” you bring him into a small hug. “You don’t have to be jealous of the others. You already make me happy, so don’t worry, alright?”

You break the hug before he truly wants it to end, but that’s fine. He scratches the back of his face and barely notices that your face is probably just as red as his. He breaks out into a grin and laughs lightly. “Yeah, alright. As long as it stays that way, I won’t beat the other guys up, I guess.”

…

---------

With quick feet, you rush past Eugene and into Harry’s room, interested in the map Lawrence had mentioned in the meeting before. Harry was glad to show you, setting it on a classroom table as something slipped out of his pocket. Naturally, you go to pick it up, though you are surprised to see that it’s a labelless empty medicine bottle.

“Ah…” Harry takes it from your hands. He looks embarrassed. “It’s nothing…”

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” you try to make him feel better about it. “But… are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiles. “I just get some bad headaches from time to time…”

You nod in understanding. “I get those too,” you admit, “I honestly wish I had some medicine on me for them!”

Harry laughs and you can see him relax. “It’s been empty for a while, but it’s a comforting item to have. I didn’t know you got them too?”

“I have for a while, since before all of this,” you silently refer to your surroundings. The apocalypse. “I’ve had tinnitus for years.”

“Tinnitus?”

You gesture to your ears. “Ringing in the ears,” you explain. “I used to be able to fade it out with music or something like that, but ever since the zombies came and everything… it’s always so quiet. My head gets pretty loud because of it, and it makes me get headaches.”

Harry frowns. “I’m sorry to hear about that… If I come across any mp3 players, I’ll let you know.” You laugh at his offer. You seriously doubt that you would find any, especially any charged and working ones. But you still appreciate the offer. “Thanks, Harry. What about you?”

“It’s kind of complicated,” Harry shrugs. You keep silent, giving him a look that lets him know you’re willing to listen, and he sighs. “My dad used to hit me and my mom when he was drunk. My mom would always cry back then, and I wanted to be strong for her… So I haven’t cried since. And now I have this migraine.”

“Sounds like you could use a good cry,” you whisper with a smile, hoping that he finds nothing more than light-hearted teasing in your tone. “But seriously… if you want to cry, you can. Especially in these circumstances. And… I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.”

Harry leans in, getting rid of the space between you as he wraps an arm around your shoulder and you put yours around his waist. The two of you squeeze in a small hug. “Thank you,” he says honestly.

After that, he lets you explore the map with him, answering what he knew when you asked questions. Harry has always been someone you felt comfortable around, but even so, you feel like the air between you is a lot more clear. You’re happy that you both know a little bit about each other now.

---------

“Hey Lawrence,” you tug at Lawrence’s orange sleeve, stopping him in the middle of his tracks. Him, Harry, Ethan and you were all out scouting for materials today when you noticed a small pharmacy ahead. You point at it and ask, “would you mind if I stop in there for a minute?”

Lawrence’s eyes furrow in concern and he frowns. “That wasn’t on the agenda…” He sounds unsure.

“I could find some useful drugs. I’m sure it won’t harm us to take a look?”

You seem to have convinced him, albeit barely. “Alright. Go in with Harry just in case something’s inside. Ethan and I will look around for anything else outside of the building. Is that alright?”

You nod and Harry pats you on the shoulder from beside you. “We’ll be back as fast as we can,” he says.

“Alright. Be careful. We’ll meet at the blue sign.”

“Thanks, Lawrence!”

With a wish for good luck, you all go our different ways.

---------

Luckily, there are no zombies in the pharmacy, so you’re able to browse the aisles with a breeze. The place isn’t as messy and raided through as the other places you’ve gone to, but there’s definitely a lot of stuff gone. That being said, you and Harry fill your bags with the useful stuff that’s been left.

Harry looks at the shelves bolted to the wall while you stay where the painkillers are hopefully at. You actually manage to find some, to your surprise. There are only four bottles and you check all their lids and expiration dates to make sure they’re still healthy to consume. You end up with three bottles, since you find one empty and with quite a few pills missing, but you’re still thankful to have found any at all.

“Hey, Harry! Catch!” You smile as you throw a bottle at him, watching him quickly turn around and do his best to catch the object flying at him. It bounces off his palm and lands on the ground but he quickly picks it up, a flustered look on his face. You laugh at him lightly and he smiles.

“You remembered,” he says as he reads the label. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” you walk over to him and place the other two bottles in his bag. “I scored three total, so they should be able to last us awhile if we ever need them. A bottle for you, a bottle for me, and a bottle for the team if they need it,” you wink at him in a friendly manner.

“I wish I could help you out, too,” he frowns. “You shouldn’t be getting headaches at all. If I could find some sort of player, you wouldn’t get headaches at all…”

“If you could cry a little more, it’d be the same way for you,” you point out and zip up the bag, hoisting it off the ground and putting it around Harry’s shoulders. “There’s a lot of easy solutions to things that just can’t be done anymore. So we get the bad end of the stick and do what we can with it. And this is us doing what we can.” You look him straight in the eye, your hands still lingering on his shoulders. His cheeks pink at your closeness. You think it’s a good look on him. “Don’t think about the what if’s and things like that. Just be happy with things how they are, right?”

He licks his lips before stuttering, “r-right.”

You’re about to say something else, probably something about how cute he was acting, when a sharp, sudden noise cuts you off. You both hear it, your heads snapping toward the noise. You drop your hands from his shoulders and take a step back. “We should leave,” you whisper, and he nods along, heading for the pharmacy door as the noise only gets louder.

---------

Night by night, the temperature slowly gets colder and colder. There’s no way of truly knowing, but you feel like the air is reaching the negatives. When it’s day time, you feel like you can manage yourself better than with the sun out as a natural heater. It might not be very warm, but at least it’s something.

At night, you practically freeze alone in your classroom.

Everyone is just as cold as you, of course. Finding blankets and winter clothes has become more of a necessity than before, all of you trying to find what you can in raided clothing stores and antique shops. You managed to find yourself some sturdy boots, though they’re a little big. You also have a wool hat and a thick jacket, and you wear all of your warmest clothes to bed, but it’s still not enough. Your toes feel as if they’re going to fall and your ears burn and give you a headache when you wake in the morning.

If surviving in the apocalypse was bad before, winter has made it even worse.

Lawrence, the amazing leader that he is, manages to stay calm and rational even though you know he’s equally miserable as everyone else. His quick thinking helps all of you out tremendously. You feel ashamed that even with all of his hard work, it’s still not enough.

Before the dinner meeting, you take your blanket with you to 1-C and curl up in a desk chair with it surrounding you. You notice that Eugene takes off and then reappears with his own blanket. He looks at you with a smile as he sits down in his own seat, and then the meeting finally starts.

You zone out for most of it, but you take mental notes when you feel Lawrence says something crucial. He mentioned something about finding more boards or plastic to cover the windows to help the cold stay out of the building, and you think it’s a great idea. Other than that, the meeting flows by like a breeze, and suddenly you’re all headed back to your classrooms for the night.

Right as you’re about to leave the room, Lawrence stops you with a hand tugging a part of your blanket. He looks at you with a smile that’s so warm compared to everything around you. “So I noticed it’s getting a little chilly at night,” he looks you up and down and you laugh, suddenly feeling very embarrassed about how childish you must look to him.

“Yeah, you could say that,” you joke.

“Well, you’re always welcome in my room if you want. I wouldn’t mind the company.”

You’re surprised by his offer, but you can’t help but ask, “really? Is that something you’d offer everyone?” Lawrence gives you another smile as he reaches up and ruffles your hair in a friendly manner.

“Nah. A special offer, just for you.” You swear that your cheeks are pink just because of the cold. “Just thought I’d let you know.” And then he leaves, leaving you all alone in 1-C.

You walk into the hallway. You look over to your room, and then… to Lawrence’s. He had to be kidding, right? There’s no way someone like Lawrence would want to sleep with someone like you. But… it didn’t sound like he was joking. He’s too nice to tease you like that.

In the end, you walk into your own classroom for the night.

---------

It’s cold.

You should be used to it by now, but you really aren’t. You shiver relentlessly under all your layers, tossing and turning on the hardwood floor. Moonlight seeps through your window, illuminating the room with a soft glow. With the light, you can see the ice starting to form on the outside of the glass.

You don’t let yourself think too much as you stand up, wrapping your blanket around yourself and taking off your boots. You try to let yourself just run on autopilot as you slowly make your way towards Lawrence’s room. It’s rather late into the night and you doubt that he’s awake. If he’s asleep, you can just head back to your room and forget about it.

With three soft knocks on the hardwood, you wait outside of the door in a mix of embarrassment and shame. You really feel like a little kid to be so affected by the cold. Why couldn’t you just man up for once and tough it out? A part of you hopes that Lawrence doesn’t answer. He must think you’re pathetic, which is why he even bothered to give you the offer. He just pities you.

The depressing thoughts quickly end as soon as his door slides open a crack, Lawrence’s eyes peeking through. He opens it the rest of the way once he sees it’s you. “___?”

“Uhm,” you honestly don’t know what to say. You wrap your blanket around you tighter and look at the floor.

He seems to understand because without words he leads you inside, shutting the classroom door behind you. With a hand on your back, he walks to his own makeshift bed and sits you down. “Cold?” He asks simply, and you nod. He laughs to himself, making you frown. “I’m sorry,” Lawrence whispers. “I just noticed that you removed your shoes.”

Your sock covered feet poke out of your blanket and you quickly hide them back inside. “Well, I didn’t… want to kick you or something.”

“How considerate.” You shrug. “You seem nervous. You can always head back to your room.”

You would if you could. There was no way you would be able to sleep now, especially if you decide to run away like a coward. “I’ve just never slept with someone before,” you admit. 

“It’s alright.” Lawrence smiles and sits closer to you, grabbing at your blanket. “You’re going to need to get out of this,” he whispers as he removes the thick cover off your shoulders and then places it on top his own. And then, surprisingly, he removes his jacket and gets himself comfortable under the pile of warmth. “You can lay down whenever you’re ready.”

The moment he removed your blanket you were ready. You’re ready to jump in beside him, but you hesitate. “Should I take off my jacket, too…?”

Lawrence nods, so you do as he says before slowly sinking under the covers. The two of you are instantly close, and while it’s embarrassing, you have to admit that with his blanket and yours, including his own body heat, it’s much warmer. You quickly relax with a sigh, shifting around to get more comfortable.

“You okay?”

You nod. The two of you are facing each other and with the help of the moonlight, you can make out Lawrence’s face and how peaceful he looks. It’s quiet for a small moment as you two simply just stare at each other, but eventually, the silence is broken.

“Are you still cold?” 

“A little, but it’s a lot better,” you whisper. Your feet still feel frozen and so do your hands, but you’re used to that. Lawrence seems to ponder at your response before he licks his lips. You didn’t notice before, but he honestly looks as nervous as you. It makes you feel a little better to know that.

“If you want,” he starts. You watch his mouth open and close multiple times. After a couple of seconds, he laughs. It’s an adorable sound. “I’m sorry, I feel a little awkward about this too.”

“That’s okay,” you’re quick to reassure him.

“But if you want to be warmer, you could always… get closer.”

You flush at what he’s trying to insinuate. He’s offering for you to cuddle him.

Too flustered to speak, you silently scoot toward him. He opens his arms, letting you snuggle up close to him and rest your head against his chest. You know that you’re not doing this just to keep warm anymore. You… you really like Lawrence, and you want to be close to him.

But you wouldn’t dare tell him that. So you try to reciprocate, offering your own warmth as you wrap an arm around his waist.

“Thank you, Lawrence,” you whisper honestly, and instead of saying anything, he just holds you tighter. 

---------

You had the song stuck in your head practically all day.

You hummed it under your breath as you went around on patrol and did other daily things around the high school. You got eyed a few times throughout the day for it, but thankfully no one commented on it, so you continued to quietly hum the tune.  

You were in the storage room, presumably alone, as you checked the windows and started to sort food. All alone, you felt safe to softly sing the lyrics to the song.

Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times, cross the line…

Don’t think twice, don’t think twice,

Don’t think twice, baby, don’t think twice.

Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times, be mine…

“Awfully forward of you,” a sudden voice interrupts your singing and you jolt in surprise as you look over your shoulder.

“Don’t get any ideas, Zion,” you roll your eyes and continue to look at expiration dates on various food packages. “Don’t you have anything better to do than tease me?”

You can hear him come closer from behind you. “Well, I thought I had to kiss you. Once? Twice? Three times? That’s an awful lot of kisses,” He teases lightly, squatting next to you on the floor as he silently begins to help.

“I also said not to think twice, but I’d be lucky if you even thought once.”

“Are you saying I don’t ever think?”

“Your words, not mine,” you grin and fall forward from Zion pushing you. Just enough to annoy you, not enough to make you fall over.  

“What’s that song even from? Or did you make it up because you’re lonely?”

You ignore his attempt to insult you as you answer honestly, “it’s from a game I used to play. I honestly didn’t really care for the song, but it’s just been stuck in my head today.” He hums in acknowledgment before the two of you continue to silently work together. It’s a comfortable silence which doesn’t surprise you. As hot-headed as he could be, Zion was always a comfortable person to hang around. It helped that you felt a touch safer with him around, too. Even though you knew the likability of getting attacked right now was slim, it was still relaxing to know you had someone watching your back.

“I think we’re all done,” you softly break the silence and stand up, Zion shortly following after. You head for the door before he stops you, calling out your name.

He grins at you cheekily, leaning into you and whispering, “You forgot something.” And to your surprise, he tilts his head and gives you a rather sweet peck on your cheek.

You stutter, face flushing red. “W-what?”

“That’s one,” Zion winks before opening the class door from behind you and walking away. “Two more to go.”

“Oh, eat it, Zion!” You yell at him as he disappears down the hall, his laugh fading away with him. Once you shake off the flustered feeling crawling in your belly, you quickly run to the rest of your responsibilities for the day.

Don’t think about it too hard, you tell yourself. He’s just trying to get a reaction out of you.

Because face it, this was Zion. Why else would he kiss you?

---------

That evening during the dinner meeting, Zion hummed your song as he ate, and you’d honestly punch him if it wasn’t for the public setting. What a cheeky bastard.

---------

You’d mostly forgotten about the whole thing a few days later since Zion never did kiss you again. Today you’re with him and Ethan, scouting outside of the school in search for any clean food or supplies. You had luckily only run into a few zombies so far, of which Ethan was able to quickly swing at before it became a problem.

The three of you ended up in a small antique shop. Usually, you didn’t bother with such places but Zion had made a fair point that they could have things like blankets or rope, so you all headed inside. You were browsing one of the aisles filled with broken ceramics when you felt a small tap on your shoulder.

“What’s up, Zion?” He has a stuffed animal in his hands.

It’s a valentine bear, of all things?

It’s brown and fluffy with beady black eyes, the small stuffed arms holding onto a red heart that spells out “kiss me” in cursive. You give him a strange look. “What the hell is this?”

“Can you just hold it for a second?” He rolls his eyes and you don’t know why you decide to take it from him, but you do. And you don’t know why you’re surprised when he leans in again, kissing the opposite cheek from last time. “That’s two,” he whispers in your ear before pulling away. You blame the cold weather for the way you shudder.

“This was a stupid idea,” you place the bear down on the shelf. “Did you just look for the best thing that insinuated a kiss and then come running?”

“Maybe,” Zion shrugs before looking at the opposite end of the store where Ethan was. “You ready to bust this joint?”

Ethan nods. Within a minute, you all leave the store with pretty much nothing in hand. Except for a small teddy bear that you may have snuck into your bag.

---------

“What is that?” Lawrence asks you one morning when he had come into your room for a quick talk. He’s looking at the bear you have propped on one of the student tables along with other various non-important items. You shrug, turning your back to it.

“Just something I found in a shop. I thought it was cute so I brought it back with me.”

“Oh,” Lawrence seems satisfied with your response. “Okay.”

---------

He’s getting more ballsy.

You haven’t let your guard down again since the second kiss. Zion has tried on multiple occasions to kiss you for the ‘third time’, but you’re quick on your feet and manage to block him, either with ease or great effort when he was annoyingly persistent about it sometimes. Though, thank the stars, he hasn’t tried to do it in front of the guys yet.

Yet.

You’re all together for breakfast this morning, just as you do every day. You sit between Zion and Harry, propped up on a miniature bookshelf to give you more height as Lawrence leads the meeting, talking about patrols and the usual runabout. It’s boring but you pay attention since it’s crucial to your survival at this point.

You have a pack of chips (you had to fight Eugene pretty hard in order to snag them) for your meal, and you were at the crumb end of the bag. You lean your head back and lift it to your face, pouring the chips like a chute into your mouth.

Though there were quite a few more crumbs than you thought and you ended up getting an explosion of chips all over you.

“Shit!” You curse and start shaking your head, Zion laughing beside you as Harry asks if you’re alright. “I’m fine, sorry. Just made a mess.” With a frown, you place the empty bag beside you and lick the crumbs off your lips.

“Hey, you missed some,” Zion giggles and you groan.  

“Ugh, where?”

“I got you,” and he doesn’t give you any warning, just like all the other times, as he kisses the tip of your nose. You can just barely feel his tongue on your skin and you jolt back with a loud cry, pushing him back.

“Oh my god!!! You’re so gross!” You wipe his saliva off your nose. “That was the worst one!”

“But also the last one! The song goes ‘kiss me three times’—“

“Excuse me, what?” Eugene cuts in and you’re getting seriously annoyed. You can’t believe he did that in front of everybody!

“Zion caught me singing this stupid song and has been relentless with his teasing.” You hope the questions end there.

They don’t.

“What’s the song?” Harry asks, and you give him an exasperated look. He seems to realize how embarrassed you are and he gives you a guilty look. “Sorry.”

“It’s not important-“

“Kiss me once, kiss me twice-“ Zion gladly sings and you shove him again. He lets himself sway as he chuckles madly, clearly joyed by your reaction.

“Shut up, Zion!”

“You’ve been kissing her as a joke?” Lawrence has an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Only on the cheek and stuff.” He acts like it’s no big deal.

“You shouldn’t be kissing me at all!”

“Is that actually why you have the bear?” Lawrence ponders out loud and Zion turns to you with his mouth wide open.

“You kept it?!”

“Lawrence!” You cry out, betrayed, but he doesn’t look sorry. Your face is practically on fire. “Can we talk about something else, please?! It’s over! He kissed me three times and that’s how the song goes so can we get over it?”

For the grace of your sanity, everyone thankfully moves on and the meeting continues. You can feel Zion staring at you, but you don’t look back.

---------

That night while you’re tucked into your blankets, you hear your class door open. Your body tenses.

“It’s me,” Zion announces himself and you naturally relax, even though your still pissed off at him, because at least Zion was better than a zombie creeping in your room. But only by a little bit.

Your back is turned towards the door and you don’t bother to turn around. “What do you want?”

The small bed of blankets you’ve made for yourself shifts as Zion sits beside you. It’s quiet.

Zion sighs, his hand resting on your shoulder as he nudges you to lie on your back. He looks down at you with those beautiful golden eyes of his and you can’t help but feel anxious and vulnerable. “Sorry if I took it too far,” he whispers into the quiet of your room. You look away from his eyes. Once he realizes you aren’t going to say anything, he sighs again. “Why’d you keep it?” It’s painfully obvious what he’s referring to.

“It was a stupid idea, but… it’s a nice memory.” You try and hide under your covers. “And I don’t have a lot of those anymore.”

Zion nods once. He seems deep in thought. “What are you thinking about?” You whisper and he only shrugs. You want to hit yourself for what you say next. “Isn’t it supposed to be ‘don’t think twice’?”

Golden eyes meet yours again in the darkness. Swallowing nervously, you reach out to him, not daring to think twice as you cup his cheek.

You don’t try and stop him when he crawls on top of you, or when he leans down and finally kisses you properly on the lips. Your arms wrap around him as you kiss him back. He whispers, hot breath on your lips, “Isn’t it ‘cross the line’?”

“Yes,”

You kiss him again, letting his body press against yours and envelop you in his warmth. You kiss him once, twice, three times.