#merekai

Don’t get him wrong, Zion liked Harry plenty. Maybe he could be a bit of a wuss in Zion’s mind, but he knew how to get stuff done and stop conflict before it could even start. Zion could respect that. And he knew you were safe with Harry, but… did you really have to look so happy about it? You never looked so excited to hang out with him. What was so interesting about Harry?

The next morning you decided to sit next to Zion until the meeting started. He felt a rush of victory (that he wouldn’t dare verbalize) that you decided to hang out with him out of everyone else, as childish as that may seem. You two began to chat casually, joking like you usually do, until Harry walks into the room.

You light up when you see him and say something rather nonsensical in Zion’s opinion, but Harry seems to get it as he bursts out laughing with you. Immediately, his mood dampens.

Must be some sort of inside joke…?

Thankfully, Harry sits by himself at the other side of the room, not furthering your conversation any more. Good. What was so funny, anyway?

Zion was so busy practically glaring at Harry that he didn’t notice Lawrence had walked in until he clapped his hands twice in order to get everyone’s attention.

“We’ll do things like usual today,” he starts. “We’re pretty stocked up for food, so I feel comfortable skipping a town search for today. We’ll do patrols just like normal, but that will be it. Harry, you’re with me for today on the first floor, and Eugene is with ___-“

“Nope,” Zion interrupts without a trace of remorse. He reaches over and places a hand on your head, messing up your hair with a grin. You curse at him and quickly fight his hands away before smoothing your hair back in place. You’re way too cute. “Kid is with me today.”

Don’t fight me on this.

“Oh?” Lawrence raises an eyebrow in interest. “Any particular reason why?”

“Any particular reason why not?” He quips back and Lawrence only smiles.

“I suppose not. Then Zion will be with ___on the second floor, and Ethan and Eugene will be together outside the school.”

“Wh- don’t I get a say in this?” You try to defend yourself and Zion just rolls his eyes.

“What, you saying you don’t want to be around me anymore?”

You immediately answer with a shake of your head. “No! It’s just- ugh. Whatever,” you grumble and grab at Zion’s arm, dragging him out of the meeting room. “Let’s go.”

The two of you start your patrol in relative silence, a silence that makes Zion worry if maybe he did something wrong. “Hey…” he starts, trying to look down and gauge your expression. “Did I mess up?”

You sigh. “No, not really. I just hate when you treat me like a kid, you know? You don’t need to make my decisions for me.”

“Right…” Zion can understand that. He sort of feels a little guilty, now. “I don’t think you’re a kid. I just, uh, really wanted to… patrol with you today.”

Ugh, he feels like such a sap. But it’s all to make you feel better, right? He can make peace with sounding a little stupid if it’s for you.

“Why?”

Zion groans, rolling his shoulders back with a grimace. He really doesn’t want to say it out loud. “Can’t you just be flattered I wanted to hang out with you and move on?”

“I am flattered! But flattery doesn’t come from you very often, can you blame me for being curious?”

“Whatever!” The redhead nervously fidgets with the metal bar on his arm, not looking directly at you. “I just wanted to hang out because you had so much fun with Harry yesterday and I thought that was stupid, alright? I wanted you to, I don’t know,” God, he’s never felt more like an idiot, “wanted you to realize you don’t need to hang out with Harry in order to be happy or something. I can do that too… I think?”

You don’t say anything for probably only a couple of seconds, but to Zion, it feels like an eternity. His face feels almost as red as his hair.

God! This sucks! Expressing how you feel sucks! Why didn’t he just make a joke or something??

Eventually, he feels you grab onto his arm and when he looks down at you, you’re smiling. “Zion, you big sap,” you bring him into a small hug. “You don’t have to be jealous of the others. You already make me happy, so don’t worry, alright?”

You break the hug before he truly wants it to end, but that’s fine. He scratches the back of his face and barely notices that your face is probably just as red as his. He breaks out into a grin and laughs lightly. “Yeah, alright. As long as it stays that way, I won’t beat the other guys up, I guess.”

…

The redheaded kyta’an once again parted the heated blanket to let some of the living room’s cooler air take away the heat surrounding him. Usually, when he’d been on his own, a heated blanket was all he needed to keep himself cozy, curled up on the couch knitting or watching television or reading and would ensure he’d be snug and warm as he slept.

Now, however, Caraenyl only felt… disgusted with his once favorite way to keep warm. The heat it emanated was harsh, no matter the setting the kyta’an set it at, reminding him of flames upon a grill. A searing heat that would give food the outward appearance of being cooked, but be raw and cold in the middle.

He had gotten spoiled.

Ever since Caraenyl had started dating and living with his boyfriend, he found himself not needing the heating devices at all, so long as Merekai was around. The large wolven was more than happy to accommodate his shorter redhead whenever he wanted to snuggle, which was most of the time. The heat that radiated off Merekai was gentle, for Caraenyl truly didn’t know how else to describe it. It was always comforting to the redhead, helping to calm him at his lowest, and there was nothing like pressing himself against the wolven’s thickly furred chest, nuzzling against the muscles and breathing Merekai’s scent deeply, letting his boyfriend’s strong, reassuring heartbeat slowly lull Caraenyl into a deep, peaceful sleep.

The kyta’an sighed sadly, his pout lightening only slightly. He missed his Merekai. The wolven had been at a business convention all week, was supposed to be home that day in fact, but unexpected bad weather had delayed Merekai’s travel and he wasn’t sure when he’d return exactly.

Caraenyl tipped to his left, plopping into a fetal position upon the couch beneath his once beloved heated blanket, dark golden eyes barely registering the show he’d put on the television in an attempt to keep his mind occupied. He couldn’t really focus on anything, even knitting hadn’t gotten anywhere. The kyta’an tried his best to get cozy beneath the blanket and huffed out another sigh, this one more annoyed. When will he be here?

Time ticked by, Caraenyl dazing on the couch as his show played. He couldn’t tell how long it’d been when the front door to the house opened, but his immediate thought wasn’t that of his boyfriend. No need to get his hopes up about that.

However, his ears perked up at the sound and he listened. If it were Luuk’tan, he would have called out his presence before closing the door and Neffren usually hums the last song he heard in the car.

There was a couple sounds Caraenyl recognized as feet upon the doormat, a heavy clack as the door was closed, light clinking from keys being placed upon a hook beside the coats and a deep, growly sigh that the kyta’an recognized in an instant.

KAI!

Forgetting the blanket he was wrapped in, Caraenyl jumped off the couch, only to tumble into a roll as the cloth caught his legs. A couple swift kicks removed the blanket, which was immediately forgotten as the kyta’an dashed down the hall into the foyer. His face lifted into a bright smile when he saw his beloved wolven still standing by the front door, barely halfway out of his snow-covered jacket, and he couldn’t help himself.

Caraenyl ran toward Merekai, jumping up and vaulting off a little decorative table that sat against the wall, flying toward his boyfriend. The wolven noticed the flying redhead at the last moment, barely keeping his balance when Caraenyl glomped, wrapping his arms around Merekai’s fur-covered neck, burying his face within the thick mane, legs hooking around his boyfriend’s waist.

Merekai had to take a step back, obviously not prepared for such a thing, but only a moment later chuckled and embraced his redhead.

The kyta’an took a slow, deep breath, inhaling Merekai’s scent as if it were a rare treasure he’d never have again. The wolven smelled of pine and snow and it brought so much comfort to Caraenyl. His clawed hands combed through warm, soft fur and Caraenyl sighed happily; finally his beloved was home.

“I missed you, too.” Merekai’s voice made the kyta’an’s ears twitch pleasantly. Talking on the phone truly was not the same as hearing him in person.

It wasn’t until the wolven chuckled again Caraenyl suddenly realized exactly what he’d done. Heat filled his freckled cheeks as he quickly released Merekai and took a step back from him, trying to hide his embarrassment behind red bangs.

Had he truly just run and jumped onto Merekai like that? Like he was desperate to touch, smell, hear him again? Truthfully, Caraenyl was, but it had only been five fucking days! Way to make yourself look like the clingy type, dumbass!

Caraenyl’s tail twitched at his humiliation and annoyance with himself as he tried to recover. “Wel-welcome home!” He looked up through his bangs and blushed further at the amusement gleaming in his boyfriend’s glowing green eyes. Attempting to put the incident behind him, the kyta’an asked, “How was your trip?”

Merekai’s toothy smile made Caraenyl blush a bit more; he always did find it extremely attractive when the wolven smiled like that.

“It’s alright, Cara,” Merekai reassured, cupping the redhead’s face, being mindful of his claws. “I may not have been expecting it, but that was the best welcome home greeting I’ve ever gotten.” He leaned down, gave a small lick to Caraenyl’s temple, then nuzzled the kyta’an’s head, which Caraenyl automatically reciprocated. Merekai's strong arms wrapped around Caraenyl and pulled him into a tight, warm embrace as the wolven whispered, “Thank you.”

The kyta’an’s face was warmer than ever as he mumbled, “An-anytime,” into his boyfriend’s chest, not feeling quite as foolish anymore.

“Tonight I’ll show you just how much I missed you,” Merekai added, his voice dropping to that sexy octave that always made the redhead shiver.

Caraenyl paused, needing a moment to think properly as those words put all kinds of naughty thoughts and images within his mind. His cheeks felt as if they were on fire as he muttered, “We… could go to bed now….”

Merekai laughed, a deep yet lighthearted sound that had the kyta’an smiling. His boyfriend pulled away from the hug and put his hand around Caraenyl’s waist, guiding him to the kitchen. “Help me make some dinner first, I’m starving.”

After letting the ink dry, Caraenyl carefully folded up the painfully short letter, placed his love’s name upon it, and fed it into the magical portal upon the mailbox within the Hall of the Guardian, his home for nearly the last year. He sighed, hoping Kai wouldn’t be disappointed with how short it was.

Cara had been writing to Kai at least once a week since he’d been stuck in the Hall, a floating mage tower above Dalaran. At first, it was easy enough to fill up two or three pages, but of course back then had also included updates to his health and the wonders of being in such a magically-charged place; something the mage hadn’t experienced in years.

Now, with the charm warn off, his body fully healed, and his mundane job, Cara seemed to have very little to write to his fiancé about.

The mage sighed and made his way up to the sleeping quarters. It was getting late; most of the apprentices and those who maintained the Hall were getting ready for sleep, while others readied for the night shift.

Caraenyl’s bed was small and cold, sitting in a large room with many other similar beds, most already filled with softly snoring mages. Cara got beneath the covers, not bothering to change into nightclothes as they were never warm enough. Curling up tight, he knew it would be another night with little sleep. The large fire floating in the center of the room gave off a gentle glow, but little to no heat and the mage could never get warm enough.

He drifted off only to be awoken a couple hours later by a severe chill down his spine. Cara was freezing and he got up, keeping his blankets wrapped around him, walking towards the glowing fire. He almost thrust his hands directly into the flames, but it still took several seconds for him to feel the heat against his skin. The mage placed his slightly warm hands upon his face, a feeble attempt at transferring the heat.

Several minutes of this only managed to wake him up instead of really warming him and he groaned quietly in defeat. Tossing the blankets back onto the self-making bed, Caraenyl grabbed his long cloak and headed through the nearly empty halls to the portal that lead to the city.

Dalaran was only slightly warmer than the Hall, but still floated very high up; Cara was convinced it kept the chill from Northrend. The city was fairly quiet, the lanterns giving off a warming glow as towers stretched into the starry sky. Most of the shops were closed, save for blacksmiths and armorers; adventurers darted in and out of those buildings despite the late hour. The mage slowly walked the streets, letting his mind wander. He found it difficult to not think about Merekai and Elithuin, his dear lovers. It had been some time since he’d seen either of them; the Legion was keeping everyone on the front lines busy, including all of Cara’s friends.

Caraenyl sighed heavily, plopping down upon a bench near the bank on the Horde side of the city. He felt so useless; he’d been healed for many months now, but he still wasn’t allowed down into the Broken Isles.

It had been a mistake, poor judgement on his part. Cara had been so excited to actually defeat the Legion when they first returned to Azeroth (they were the ultimate force behind the destruction of Silvermoon, thus the true killers of his family) that he didn’t wait for the others. He had ventured into Val’sharah to first assist the druids with driving out the new kind of Nightmare that was poisoning the land. The Nightmare, as the mage found out, was vicious and unrelenting. Caraenyl had barely been able to get away from some kind of swamp creature and had been severely hurt in the process.

Twisted ankle, broken ribs, fractured wrist, broken arm, slight concussion, black eye and a myriad of bruises, bumps and lacerations; the healers at Dalaran were sure to point out every injury to Kai and El, who had both rushed to the mage’s side upon receiving the news. Neither looked happy and Cara couldn’t blame them. He promised to not do that again and to rest.

With Caraenyl not being in any condition to fight, the leader of the Tirisgarde suggested he help Edirah, the Tirisgarde Researcher, with looking into the full history of Felo’melorn. Cara found he didn’t have much choice and agreed, sitting at a table surrounded with books day after day. The mage quickly found that, while he did enjoy reading, doing research was extremely boring.

During the last year, Cara found himself certain of two things. One, Edirah was keeping most of the good books for herself and passing on the second-grade to crap books about the legendary weapon to Caraenyl; and two, Archmage Hikoto, leader of the Tirisgarde, had been asked by Kai and El to keep him safe.

The mage felt more than ready to be out on the field, killing demons and helping to destroy the Legion, all beside his lovers. All his requests to do so, however, had been denied.

He hugged his knees upon the bench; what he wanted more than killing demons was to just be with the men he loved again. He missed them so much; at least they’d see each other more on the front lines and could sleep together in tents between battles. Cara wanted to feel their warmth beside him again as he slept.

“Feeling sorry for yourself, are you?”

The mage jumped a little at the voice, looking up to see an undead woman walking up to him. She wore dark leather, her head hooded and face covered with a mask. Caraenyl could only make out the eerily dark sockets where her eyes should have been and he swallowed nervously. “E-excuse me?”

“You’re Caraenyl,” she stated flatly, standing beside the bench.

Cara glared a bit in suspicion. “How do you know my name?”

“I’m a member of the Uncrowned; Shadowblade Korveris talks about you all the time.”

The mage’s ears perked up. “You know Kai?”

“A little,” the rogue said, rolling her shoulders, “though I feel I know you more. The Shadowblade worries for you and that’s why I’m here.”

Sitting up, Cara smiled. “Kai sent you!”

“No, the stubborn fool doesn’t know I went looking for you. Doesn’t know a lot of things, that one.”

Confusion swirled around the mage’s head. “Well… you found me. What do you want?”

“You’re turning the Shadowblade into a tight knot of worry; he’s sending half of the Uncrowned to watch you when he should be sending them to spy on the Legion.”

“Why would—”

“Because of your letters!” the rogue snapped, her slightly hoarse voice sounding even more grated. “Every letter you send mentions how you want to go to the front lines in this war, but the Shadowblade knows you’re not ready and is fearful you’ll do something stupid.”

Caraenyl scowled, standing before the slightly shorter undead. “It’s been a year! A year of taking it easy, reading books, doing boring research; I am ready to fight!”

The rogue simply looked at him for a moment, Cara still not sure if eyes filled her dark, creepy sockets, before quickly striking. Her left foot swung out, scooping the mage’s right foot out from underneath him and he fell back, his right leg locking at the knee harshly, making him cry out as he hit the cold walkway. Pain shot from his knee and he reached down to gently rub at it, stiff muscles screaming at the touch.

“That injury is older,” the undead stated, crouching beside Caraenyl, “and it seems it never healed properly.”

The mage hissed, adding a bit of ice to his knee and choosing not to comment. It was an old injury, one incurred while invading Draenor. His right leg had pretty much gotten mangled while destroying the Dark Portal; once proper portals had been set up back to Azeroth, Cara had been escorted back home while his loves continued the fight against the Iron Horde. His leg took the longest to heal, but even then he had been warned that it might not ever be the same. The muscles healed too tightly around his knee and while Cara learned to walk without a limp, sudden movements that put too much weight or pulled the muscles taught across his knee would cause severe pain.

‘This time was supposed to be different….’ Caraenyl shook his head as the pain ebbed. “You got me with a cheap shot, I can handle myself.”

“Like you did in Val’sharah?”

The mage tried not to flinch as he sat up, slowly rubbing his knee. “I’ve admitted that was my fault. I should have waited for Kai and El to join me there.”

“You shouldn’t have gone at all!”

Cara glared at the rogue, starting to get annoyed. “If Kai had been there—”

“Then he’d been the one hurt, covering for you!”

“I wouldn’t let that happen!”

“How could you stop it? You couldn’t keep yourself from getting hurt, let alone protecting anyone else!”

Caraenyl’s hands curled into fists. “I nearly lost Kai on Draenor… I will never let that happen again.”

“He nearly lost you on Draenor! That’s why he’s keeping you away from battle now!” The rogue sighed, her next words soft. “He’s already gone through the loss of people he loves; Shadowblade Korveris doesn’t need to go through that again.”

Cara’s expression softened and he looked away, remembering Kai had been married many years ago and lost his wife to disease and childbirth, his child died only a couple years later due to a heart problem. That’s when he’d moved to Gilneas, abandoning the farmhouse he had.

Silence fell between them as Cara remembered his fiancé’s expression every time his past family was brought up, the sadness in his eyes and that spark of fear the mage could never understand. Maybe he did now. It was for him; looking back, the mage realized that fear was about losing another love. Caraenyl couldn’t blame him, he still had similar fears of Kai leaving him, although not as strongly as he once did.

Maybe… maybe the mage was being a bit selfish, wanting to fight beside Kai despite his knee. This undead rogue was right, he really was in no condition to fight properly and hold his own without putting those around him at a greater risk, too.

Caraenyl nodded softly in understanding; the rogue helping him to his feet. Her hands felt colder than his as she held them, again looking right at the mage’s face. “I hope the next letter the Shadowblade gets will ease his worries.”

Cara smiled a little and gently squeezed her hands in response, nodding again. His voice felt tight, his heart knowing what he should say to Kai but still not fully wanting to.

“The last thing I have to tell you is this: If you get yourself killed and put Korveris through that trauma again I will personally ask the Dark Lady to raise you as undead so I can kick your ass myself.”

The mage felt the blood drain from his face at the threat and he swallowed his fear to settle uneasily in his gut. “U-understood!”

The rogue stared for another moment before releasing his hands and walking away, cloak billowing behind her.

Caraenyl watched her back, confused for a moment before it fully dawned on him who he’d been talking to and he called out, “Avalina?!”

The undead woman stopped, looking over her shoulder. “That’s your only warning,” she stated and continued on the path, soon disappearing around a corner.

Cara stared after her, frozen in shock. Had that been Kai’s late wife? Would a member of the Uncrowned be worried or upset enough with how Merekai was behaving to come find the mage and talk to him about it? Cara had a feeling the person he’d talk to was in fact Avalina Korveris, but really had no way to prove it. Not that he really wanted to run to Kai and tell him; if that was Avalina, she would have told him, right? And if she didn’t, there was a reason for it and Cara realized it wasn’t his place to say anything. How happy would Kai be, anyway, knowing that his late wife was one of the walking dead?

Shaking off that revelation, Caraenyl returned to the Hall of the Guardian and climbed back into his small, cold bed. He no longer had any urge to sleep, but his still-sore knee needed to be put up for a few hours. He kept it iced as he stared out a nearby window, thinking about the next letter. It would have some finality to it and he wondered how his fiancé would handle it.

Several hours passed, sunlight was just starting to peer through the window. Cara’s knee felt better, but he was still careful as he made his way down to the desk he’d been occupying for the last year. He got out a fresh piece of parchment, ink, and his favorite quill and started to write.

 My Dearest Kai,

 I know I wrote you only yesterday, but there is something we need to talk about.

First, I’m sorry for the selfish way I’ve been lately. I guess you’ve always known that my right leg didn’t heal properly and I am no longer valuable in a serious fight. I see that now and I’m sorry to worry you. I no longer want to fight with you, not if it means I could be the reason behind injuries or loss of life. I was being stubborn.

Which brings me to my question; would you like me to go back to our home in the Hinterlands? I’ve learned the portal spell to Dalaran quite well by now so it wouldn’t be a problem to bounce back and forth to see each other whenever you get the time.

It’ll be hard being so far away from everything, but I’d rather be waiting for you to return safely than you constantly worried about my safety.

I love you, Kai. I look forward to your next letter.

 All My Heart,

Caraenyl

 The mage sighed, once again waiting for the ink to dry before folding the letter, addressing it to Merekai, and placing it into the portal upon the mailbox in the Hall. A small smile graced his lips when he returned to his desk.

Cassandra scoffed, “It’s not a simple task. The spirit must be pure, coaxed across the Veil to touch Caraenyl’s mind. The Seekers used specially trained mages, priests and templars to perform the ritual that summoned our spirits and most of them are probably dead, thanks to Lord Seeker Lucius.”

Merekai ran an irritated hand through his thick, dark hair. Had he not been cured of the werewolf curse, he doubted he’d be standing before the warrior as a human. Of course, at the moment, it made him quite ill-suited to summon anything without hurting or corrupting it. For the first time since defeating Corypheus, the Inquisitor hated Solas for his mysterious and sudden departure; his wisdom and knowledge of spirits were now sorely missed.

The Seeker sighed, her expression softening slightly as she spoke, “I know you want this for Caraenyl, we all know what he means to you, that’s why I’m telling you finding the right way to reverse Tranquility will take time.” She reached out, placing a gentle hand on Merekai’s arm. “It has only been a few weeks. You will not like it, but I suggest distancing yourself from him until we are closer to a cure.”

Merekai glared at Cassandra, green eyes sharp. “I will not abandon him!”

The warrior matched his expression, one of the few people not the least bit intimidated by him at his fiercest. “I’m not saying that, but being around him is not helping anyone, least of all you. You think us blind? You are suffering, Inquisitor, and tormenting yourself by spending every spare moment with Caraenyl will not heal any wounds.”

Hawke continued to glare, ignoring the truth ringing within her words. “I will not leave him.”

Cassandra threw her arms up in defeat and turned away in disgust. “Stubborn fool,” fell from her lips as she marched from the War Room, nearly kicking open the door as she departed, no doubt on her way to dismantle several training dummies.

Merekai was in a similar state and knew of the perfect place outside Skyhold to burn and shock defenseless snowmen. That was his intent, until he stepped out of the War Room.

Caraenyl stood just beyond the doors, waiting as Merekai had asked him to. His eyes were still dull, cheeks too pale, and sunburst scar barely hidden behind deep red bangs. The Inquisitor’s rage instantly melted and the irritation saddled to the back of his mind and he smiled sadly. Those empty brown eyes stared at him, waiting for a command, and suddenly Merekai felt trapped; like the walls were closing in around him. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”

“Very well.” The utter lack of emotion in the redhead’s voice still hurt.

Merekai breathed through the tears that threatened as he lead the now tranquil elf to the garden, hoping the peacefulness of it would ease his cracked heart.

He was silently grateful to find the garden mostly empty; Caraenyl followed quietly behind him as Merekai slowly strolled the grounds. Not surprisingly, it did little to comfort the Inquisitor.

The last few weeks had been… trying, to say the least. On top of responding to letters and meeting with various Lords and Ladies of Thedas for congratulations and thanks for defeating Corypheus, Merekai tried to reverse what those bastard templars had done to Caraenyl. He already knew it wouldn’t help, he didn’t need his companions telling him that, but he also knew he had to try.

Everything failed. Delicious, home-cooked food, beautiful music, softest silks in gorgeous colors, words of affection; they all meant nothing to someone who could no longer appreciate them. On the surface, Caraenyl understood the Inquisitor was doing it all for him, but denied that any of it was necessary. He would be more useful to him, and the Inquisition as a whole, working with alchemy.

Merekai told the elf he needed him by his side.

That only lead Caraenyl asking, with his emotionless voice, if the Inquisitor wanted him to “perform sexual acts” if it would help. Hawke was quick to turn the elf down. But Caraenyl could tell he was upset, even if he could no longer feel that way himself, and told Merekai more than once to not be sad; he was better off now that his emotions weren’t in the way.

Merekai hated hearing him say that.

He turned his gaze up to the blue sky for a moment, inhaling deeply, then looking over at the elf not a few feet away. His expression still neutral, eyes empty. Cassandra was right. Merekai was only torturing himself with this.

His heart ached even as he acknowledged it. A cure would come, but it did need to be done right, otherwise his precious elf might end up being possessed or worse, killed. He would need to be patient… and not be around Caraenyl until then.

Merekai bit his tongue, holding back tears, and closed the distance between him and Caraenyl. Gently, he grasped the elf’s left hand in his right, threading his fingers through Caraenyl’s lax grip. He leaned down, their foreheads almost touching, and closed his eyes.

The Inquisitor would give himself this single moment, one of being close to the elf he loved. He began humming a little tune softly, the song that had played when they went to Halamshiral and he and Caraenyl shared a dance. After the Empress was safe, of course. He could still see the elf’s hesitant expression; Caraenyl didn’t know how to dance and Merekai was more than happy to teach him a simple waltz. Caraenyl blushed the whole time, even the tips if his ears had turned red, and Merekai remembered thinking how cute he looked. They’d almost had their first kiss there, but Josephine had unknowingly interrupted the moment, which scared Caraenyl off.

He would never forget it.

Opening his eyes, the cute image of the elf blushing and golden eyes darting away from his in embarrassment faded. Caraenyl stood still, pale, not at all bothered by the Inquisitor being in his personal space. Not the Caraenyl he knew.

Merekai reached up and carefully traced a freckled cheek with his free hand, wishing to again see them fill with color. One day… soon. He leaned down further and placed a single, gentle kiss upon the elf’s other cheek with a whisper, “I love you.” With great effort, the Inquisitor turned, intent on stepping away.

 ~ ~ ~

 Caraenyl… felt something. There were words, but it was inadequate to describe them as such, since he did not hear them. Don’t go; whispers clawing at him from far, far away, muffled, muzzled, straining for him to listen, to understand. His grip on the Inquisitor’s hand tightened very slightly, more like a twitch, as he stood frozen, locked in place by something he couldn’t comprehend.

A new voice, not quite as distant, but much more articulate asked, “What do you want?”

Want? Caraenyl did not understand. He no longer had a need for wants; there was only being useful, working for those more important than him, for the betterment of everyone. Wanting… was unnecessary and clogged the mind with useless thoughts, leading to… unpleasant feelings.

“What does your heart want?” the voice asked instead, sounding closer.

Again, he did not understand what was being asked of him, however he felt his fingers grip the hand still holding his tightly.

“That will do.”

Caraenyl’s body jolted as a strange pressure began building around his mind, pushing inward. It was by no means painful and felt mostly external, but it kept building until the seconds around him slowed and his eyes widened as he saw a wispy, humanoid figure standing before him. It’s arms were outstretched toward his head and in the short time the elf’s mind supplied the word “spirit,” it appeared to lean forward, closing in on Caraenyl’s face.

“Be free,” it whispered.

A very slight bite of pain on his forehead and suddenly everything rushed around him. Like someone had opened floodgates. The scent of flowers hit him first and how much he enjoyed the smell. His eyes darted around, amazed at all the colors surrounding him, how beautiful they all were; birds chirped happily within the trees and the sound was so pretty. He could feel again and in the back of his mind he could once again hear the murmurs from the Well of Sorrows, although he could’ve sworn there was a very brief yell of relief and happiness within the voices once he recognized them.

The spirit had vanished, leaving a bright and colorful world in its wake. Caraenyl’s golden eyes fell upon the Inquisitor standing only a few feet away, his eyes wide as he stared at the elf.

“Caraenyl?” his voice was quiet, hesitant. Not something Caraenyl was used to hearing from the famous Champion of Kirkwall.

The elf started to smile, wanted to say reassuring words to the man who had not left his side, who worried and fretted during the last few weeks. But then Caraenyl remembered what he did over those few weeks and his expression turned to horror; he really, truly had offered to perform sexual acts! He felt his face burn in embarrassment, but when he tried to hide within his hands, he realized his left hand was still intertwined with the Inquisitor’s right and his blush crept up to his ears.

“Oh! Uh, Kai, is this okay?” he heard himself squeak.

Suddenly the elf found himself scooped up by the tall Hawke, strong arms wrapped tightly around him as he was pressed against Merekai’s firm chest.

“Caraenyl! You’re you!”

The pure relief in those words made Caraenyl realize he felt the exact same and tears stung his eyes, but he didn’t have the will to stop them. Feeling again was the best thing ever.

They stood in the garden, shedding tears of joy for several minutes. Caraenyl smiled up at the Inquisitor when he pulled back slightly and was shocked again when lips were then covering his own.

Tears came to his eyes again as he leaned into the kiss. It felt so amazingly good to have emotions, even if his love for Merekai was neglected for so long. This was so much better.

As they continued to hold each other, Caraenyl shouted a sincere, heart-filled Thank You in his mind, hoping the spirit who helped him would hear it. He never realized how good it was to be happy.