Kind of pissed about something. I know it’s stupid to get upset about a post on social media, but I had someone post how their boyfriend has seen them at their worst. We don’t talk anymore, but it made me upset because I have an idea of they’re talking about.
I was literally there for you when you were in the hospital. He didn’t feel like going because he didn’t have a ride to get there and didn’t feel like taking the bus to see you for something that was so big and important. We told him to just ask us for a ride to come and see you. Asking someone for help is in no way rude, especially considering the situation. Then, when we feared it would happen again, we had to urge him to call for help. I spoke to him and he was crying to me, saying he didn’t know what to do, even when we were telling him to call for help. That was the day of your birthday, which I had planned out. Then, our friend had the audacity to tell me that I should be pissed and that you were doing things for attention because you, according to them, ruined your birthday plans that we were going to surprise you with. It didn’t matter to me at all, all I cared about was that I knew that you were going to be okay. You weren’t okay that day, and that’s alright and we all wanted to be there for you. We were puzzled that you chose to be with him, but he was giving you love that you craved your whole life. We respected your wishes of what you wanted. Your birthday plans? Screw them. They were so unimportant after what happened that day, I just can’t believe that you could still be friends with someone who said that I should be pissed about you ruining your own birthday.
What happened that day, and more importantly the month before, and that recent post felt like a stab in the back. We were all there for you. I was there for you. And for you to say that he’s seen you at your worst is the stab in the back for me.
And, for the record, if you see this, I never told you that I felt like abandoning everything and moving to a new city, I only posted that here. So, if you ever read this, you need to be corrected when I received a message from our friend of what you both assumed. You know nothing of why I did what I did. And that’s the problem with all of you, you just assumed things about me instead of just asking me. Am I sometimes scary to talk to? Yes. I don’t want to make any excuses on that, but it was a defense mechanism I built because people wouldn’t listen to me and didn’t give me a voice to speak. Me turning from meek to assertive to aggressive was to gain my voice, and it seems to me like you all felt this group dynamic shift when I began to stand up for myself. I didn’t mean to be aggressive at times, and I do apologize for that, and it is something that I have improved upon. But I will not stand for people who assume my actions and manipulate my words and actions. If you all want to speak to me, you have the chance. I will not chase after you guys like I have done. It may not seem like it to you, but I have spent a lot of time trying to save our relationships, and the times where it seems like I disappeared because of mental health was really just me being exhausted having to chase you all the time and receiving no reciprocation. I was just so done with everything. And then I saw my opportunity. I took it. I miss some things like crazy, but when I look back from where I am now, I know that I don’t want to go back to how things were. It may seem harsh, but if there’s something that I wish you learned about me is that I am someone who walks their talk.
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