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i genuinely can't feel my own emotions that aren't fear, stress or anger. i don't even remember how to mask happiness or excitement correctly because i've been so detached from myself for over a year now.. i'm so unhappy, i feel so stagnant in my life. how am i supposed to find myself again when i've long forgotten? i can't even go to friends because at the end of the day i don't have the mental strength to be vulnerable or open up.. i can't even ask them to hang out or do something with me not only bc of my living situation but because i'm scared of getting close to someone again but i want that again iugihktlekvke AAAURURJVJG WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYY MEEEEEEE I HATE BPD!!!!

i want to die so goddamn bad i just need this pain to stop it's just like last year it's going to be last year all over again why am i trying for someone who doesn't give a shit about me at all?? why am i trying for someone who prioritizes themselves and their friends over me i cs t fuxking take this shit anymore i want to disappear i want to leave i want a reset button something ANYTHING