“Solas, var lath vir suledin!”
“I wish it could, Vhenan.”
“My love… I will never forget you.”
I think a lot about what might happen to him on the other side of that portal immediately after. Personally, I can’t imagine amputating your lover’s arm to narrowly save them from death and leaving them forever and not having a complete breakdown about it. Very hurt/no comfort. What do you guys think he’d do or feel?
I like your take on it.
I wrote this little bit from Uncertainty. I thought he'd be operating in mechanical Dread Wolf mode from sheer self-preservation and shock immediately after and wouldn't have a real breakdown about it for a hot minute.
He stood, and he was cruel, when he told her that he would never forget her as he walked like a condemned man towards the eluvian that would lead to the Vi’Revas and the Vhen’Theneras, but he had no other words to give to her. And he was a coward, and he could not bear to watch, as she realized what he had wrought, what he had done to her.
He did not weep, when he entered the Lighthouse, dark, desolate, and empty, where once it had been the beating heart of the rebellion. Did not weep as he found the notes from Felassan. Did not weep as the Caretaker spoke to him. Did not weep as he placed his notes from the Vir Dirthara on the Anchor and its removal on his desk, made the final cold calculations neccessary to create the ritual to cleanse the lyrium dagger. He did not weep as he mechanically ate strips of dried meat, ancient and brittle. He did not weep as he laid himself on the narrow cot in his office to sleep.
He had wanted to know if she still cared. He had thought that this last would surely have destroyed what remained between them. He had no tears, for none could express the depths of what he had lost.
He wept as he woke, that night and many after when she had found him in his dreams again, when he had been too weak to turn her aside until he had a glimpse of her. It was something between a horrible tragedy and terrible relief, that she still cared. And yet, it might perhaps have been better not to know for certain. It would only make what must be done harder for them both.
Oh god, your interpretation and writing is beautiful! So sad! That is the thing isn't it, either way it is incredibly tragic and compelling. To consider the man he is after he leaves through that Eluvian and how he copes emotionally. Then Veilguard. Oof.
For me, I take into account that only a Lavellan who vows to save Solas and refuses to give up on their love gets the dream slides after Trespasser. That tells me he's probably far more emotional about leaving Lav behind than he lets on. Whether those are Lavellan's dreams, his dreams, or some shared dreamspace between them, I think it's probably a bit of all three.
I don't think Solas was expecting that response from her. He seems prepared for anger or even fear once she learns he's the Dread Wolf. Instead, she tells him their love will endure and vows to save him. I think that throws him yet again.
I think he waits on the other side of the Eluvian long enough to know the group reaches Lavellan and that she's safely with them. I'm using "she" here because I'm talking about my Lavellan and my own headcanon. As I've said before, I don't believe Solas amputated her arm, but I believed he used magic to ensure she was safe enough until the others got to her, that would be important to him.
Once he knows she's with them, I imagine he does what Solas always does: he compartmentalizes and shoves it aside. Then he waits as he moves on with his other plans. He waits for word on what happens next. Eventually he receives confirmation that the amputation performed by mortal surgeons was successful and that she's alive.
That's when I think he cracks. Not for long, a brief moment of relief and pain and maybe a tear or two - and then he buries it deep again and keeps moving forward.
But now he's left with her words - that she wasn't giving up on him. With the fact that she wasn't afraid of him. With the fact that she kissed him back when he kissed her. And for me, that's where the real conflict begins, because despite everything, he still wants to be Solas with her.
That's where I think the dreams come from. He's trying to push it down and away, but some part of him can't quite do it. Appearing in dreams feels like the manifestation of that emotional pull he can't fully escape when he's dreaming.
