fka//daichi

Man, I'm in such a weird place rn

That's been a theme this year so far. I feel like I'm transitioning from my vices like drugs/alcohol and replacing them with healthier alternatives like my music and shit, eating more and sleeping more (its funny how I can do a bunch of blow and fall alseep like a baby when I'm out, yet sober I can stay up all night but I digress) and finally letting go the idea of finding romantic love for the time being (that last thing is random, and finding love shouldn't be stigmatized, though my experiences in dating lately has me feeling salty in the sense of I just feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, especially considering that I've been a side nigga on and off to different people that it's getting to the point where I wanna fuck up other peoples relationships so I can get something outta it which isnt healthy/a two way street of toxicity)

That being said, it's scary bc all it takes is one bad day/the oppritunity to fuck all that up and to slide further back into depression, but I'm also at the point where I'm so fucking tired of this, I wanna fight back with positive actions and treating myself with respect, it's just hard my nigga, because while I'm so close to getting where I need to be, I'm so close to giving up as well. But imma keep pushing.

It was around 8 years ago I wrote this

It got worse

Wayyy worse

masks ii [RETURN OF THE MACK]

"Keep it G real, aye, today I got the time

She be fuckin with the gemini, she hop inside my ride

She won't leave her guy, but fuck it, I don't mind

Cuz she was never mine, I'm just the nigga on the side"

closure ain’t like in the movies where the climax is two people reaching a mutual understanding/appreciation and part ways on a bittersweet way

nah, sometimes it bothers you

and bothers you

and bothers you

for days

weeks

months

years

then, you’re walking down the street seeing a certain car model that used to give you anxiety and it doesn’t hit you….then…..you feel nothing

and then that feeling of nothingness turns into a peculiar joy, over the feeling of not feeling

bad anymore at least