( history has its eyes on you. )

     ❝ i can see you’ve done that before. ❞                                                            ❝ too many times. ❞

“ Life’s not a bitch. Life is a beautiful woman. ” “ Oh dog dog dog dog dog. There’s a dog next to you. Please pet ot. It needs to be pet. ” “ Where am I? What way up am I? ” “ I don’t hate kids, I’m inconvenienced by them. ” “ Brunch is how I learned to be a classy alcoholic. ” “ I love hating people. ” “ Tears make great lube. ” “ Everybody was gay in the 90s. ” “ You sucked my nipples! ” “ On a scale of one to fucked up, guess where I am right now. ” “ The ocean has no corners. ” “ We are not moving on until I know what a blue waffle is. ” “ I need to lay down and die now. ” “ That was traumatic. ” “ I cam here to tell clean, wholesome, family jokes, and you make me show my balls/tittys! ” “ There’s nothing more relaxing than a coma. ” “ Thanks or being the closest thing I have to friends. ” “ Cool is an emotion. ” “ I guess I’m a dumb bitch. ” “ Gravity is bullshit. ” “ I hate everyone equally. ” “ People aren’t cats. ” “ I have never stuck a finger in my asshole in a sexy way and sent it to a partner because they asked me to do it. ” “ From sucking dicks to eating cake. I love it! ” “ Considering this may be my last testament, tell everyone I know to go fuck themselves. ” “ I’m only gay in my car. ” “ They died being killed. ” “ Call me the Titanic, because I’m sinking about you. ” “ I’m sucking that big dick in the sky right now. ” “ Virginity is like your GPA when you’re an adult. No one fucking cares. ” “ Tired. Sleepy. Need money. ” “ Get fucked, me. ” “ I’m a lovely delicate flower, and also just fuck me hard. ” “ I thought the moon was a mile away in sixth grade. ” “ All the pretty things are broken. ” “ You were born to be THAT guy. ” “ France is in Italy, right? ” “ How up is space? ” “ Shiver me titties. ” “ I have the reflexes of a potato. ” “ I BLEACHED MY BUTTHOLE FOR YOU. ” “ Cockadoodle bitch biscuit. ” “ Is my finger suposed to bend this way? ” “ You don’t get warmer than hell. ” “ You look like you fingered Elmo. ” “ Look at all those wack-ass trees! ” “ I wish you were naked. ” “ Are you havin’ my ass? ” “ You can’t out-think someone who doesn’t think. ” “ You’ve gotta fuck things sometimes! ” “ I get turned on by people who can beat the shit out of me. ” “ I was just thinking about horse dick. ” “ Ding Dong, asshole! ” “ With great power comes, uh, you fuck shit up a lot. ” “ You can be beautiful on the inside and outside, you piece of shit. ” “ I am concerned about everything. ” “ Good lord on a bike. ” “ Time to make like a tree and branch. ” “ Here’s a fun fact about [[name]]. They’re dying from the inside out. ” “ I don’t trust the sun anymore. ” “ I didn’t think that Uno without dicks could be fun. ” “ First one to pass out is a bitch. ” “ Y'all are supposed to shut the fuck up. ” “ I’m going to mars out of SPITE motherfucker. ” “ I’m made of bad ideas. ” “ I don’t believe in numbers because I think they’re stupid. ” “ I agreed to a scary game, not a dildo in my mouth. ”

So how is everyone else’s night going?

Drop-dead gorgeous. 🖤

“___ looks like he just ate out a snowman.”

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🥀you’re like a Rose, even with thorns you’re still beautiful🥀

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from the Underground (via ofenemies)

Thank you!