till the end of the line

tangerine; bullet train

co-workers ➛ angst, fluff

summary: "if it took you getting shot for you two to finally, maybe, realize you like each other i would've used you as target practice a long time ago." warnings: language, violence, fighting, injuries, blood, weapons word count: 3.4k+

confessions most popular! ➛ fluff

summary: "you're beautiful you know that love," tangerine said softly as if the declaration was a secret that only the space between you could know. warnings: mention of a gun, injuries, blood word count: 1.1k+

the days you meet my fav! ➛ fluff, angsty plot twist

summary: tangerine was feeling the same way. he ran his tongue across his teeth thinking of the way your laugh sounded like a symphony. he shook his head a bit thinking it was wild to even say such things about, truly, a stranger. warnings: none! word count: 2.5k+

a ghost ➛ angst

summary: "are you happy?" the question felt like a burning knife slowly carving your heart out OR! ex lovers see each other for the first time warnings: none! word count: 700+

lover girl ➛ angst, comfort, fluff-ish

summary: tangerine saves you from an awful date, cliche realizing feelings afterwards warnings: mentions of killing, language, talks of insecurities word count: 2k+

jealousy

summary: he knew you were fuming about his actions and he loved it. the two of you loved making the other jealous. it was a sick cycle. warnings: mildly toxic dynamic, semi-suggestive (no descriptions) word count: 900+

apologizes ➛ angst, comfort

summary: you voice your concerns about tangerine's profession, to which he doesn't take kindly warnings: mentions of injury, swearing, drinking, nothing bad at all word count: 1.5k+

love and grief

summary: you knew no matter how often you two spat with the other, said you hated each other, hell, even nearly killed the other, you two were connected in some weird unexplainable manner. warnings: death, violence, injuries, language word count: 2.4k+

come here

summary: REQUEST! can you do a drabble where tangerine goes to the bathroom and sends the reader a text that says "come here." warnings: 18+!! word count: 500+

psychopomp ➛ angst

summary: it was that moment, underneath the streetlight, that tangerine knew he had no choice but to love you warnings: death, dying, anxiety word count: 1.6k+

a new year

summary: REQUEST! new year’s eve party with tangerine warnings: smoking word count: 800+

friend or foe

alternate continuation to 'the days you meet' summary: REQUEST! where lemon goes to the cafe a few weeks later and talks with reader, they notice lemon wearing tangerine's necklace. reader is also a contract killer and thinks that lemon killed tangerine. warnings: guns word count: 1.1k+

seduction

summary: REQUEST! reader is interacting with another guy in a mission and tangerine gets super jealous warnings: none i believe, making the other person jealous word count: 1.8k+

headrest ➛ fluff

summary: REQUEST! reader falls asleep on tangerine's shoulder on the train home after a mission warnings: none word count: 700+

13 weeks ➛ fluff

summary: it was a quiet night when the walls of your apartment learned that the two of you had fallen for the other warnings: none word count: 800

high school headcanon

summary: REQUEST! you and the twins are a trio and they are protective of you warnings: the slightest description of someone being a bully

new friends, new love ➛ fluff

summary: REQUEST! ladybug ditches you at a work event to chat to lemon while you occupy an unsociable tangerine warnings: mentions of injury word count: 1.3k+

bar fight

summary: REQUEST! tangerine intervenes when the creep at the bar puts his hands on you warnings: harassment, fighting word count: 1.6k+

sunlight ➛ tooth rotting fluff

summary: REQUEST! you take advantage of the empty beach after a mission much to tangerine's initial dismay OR! though the moon would watch over him, he knew the sun was far closer to him because you were in his arms. warnings: none word count: 1.1k+

tangerine intervenes a stalker headcanon

summary: REQUEST! you call tangerine after two men follow you from the station to different stores warnings: talks of stalking, nothing descriptive

scarlet flags

summary: you called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me warnings: suggestive- minimal descriptions, toxic situationship word count: 860+

inked

summary: tattoo artist!tangerine; you meet tangerine's friends for the first time warnings: language word count: 1.7k+

tangerine has a soft spot for reader

summary: REQUEST! tangerine has a soft spot and dynamic similar to him and lemon with reader warnings: none

too sweet

summary: tangerine is strong and bitter, much like a neat whiskey but you were sweet, like an aged wine, and he wasn't use to that. warnings: none word count: 1.2k+

letters to a loved one

summary: the only form of communication you and tangerine can use when he is on a mission is email, however, as the weeks and months go by, your words have been left unanswered. warnings: angst word count: 1.4k

a house is not a home

summary: for months now you lived two separate lives. existing on two completely different orbits, the distance between you growing into lightyears warnings: angst, lovers to strangers word count: 930+

a melody

summary: so you stood hand in hand with tangerine, admiring your lover one final time. accepting that your love on earth will now be a memory for those who knew you. warnings: angst! word count: 350

pda

summary: REQUEST! running from enemies on a job and they end up making out to try and hide from the enemies because pda makes people uncomfortable warnings: brief talks of shooting and guns word count: 1.2k+

pietro maximoff; marvel

hole in the wall

summary: despite barely knowing the brainwashed girl beyond the wall, pietro refused to hurt her, no matter how much she hurt him. warnings: fighting, none rlly?? word count: 5k+

phantom pain ➛ angst, comfort

summary: i'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin, it's closer than my hands have been warnings: insecurities, none really?? word count: 2.9k+

vincent renzi; anatomy of a fall

reassured

summary: the presence of an old flame causes vincent to reassure you warnings: none! word count: 370+

enticed

summary: vincent can't help but struggle through work with you as the prosecutor warnings: none word count: 645

benny cross; the bikeriders

6 months

summary: so you stood there on the porch taking in the silent environment like you had every day for the last six months, trying to make sense of it. each night you sought solace in your sleep and would forget about the empty space in your heart that benny once occupied. warnings: angst word count: 1.9k+

minho moon; xo kitty

unspoken

summary: there was a moment of consideration as you gnawed on the inside of your mouth. the weight of your secret was becoming unbearable. warnings: angst! insecurity. word count: 950+

unspoken part two

summary: you don’t even see me, yet, i would walk through hell and across any sea if you asked me. warnings: angst! grammar errors most likely word count: 1.1k+

dr. frank langdon; the pitt

one's we have lost

summary: for now, we can sit here. we can cry, we can shout, we can be silent. i am here until you tell me to go. warnings: mentions of patient death (child), aggression towards medical staff, self-doubt, angst, grammar errors, cliches, cursing word count: 1k+

dr. jack abbot; the pitt

go-bag

summary: the secrecy of your relationship is left hidden behind closed doors and the corners of the emergency department, until your missing necklace appeared in jack's go-bag warnings: none, improper grammar i'm sure, reader not designated to specific shift or stated if nurse or doctor, age and gender not implied word count: 2k

burns

summary: maybe his late wife's shadow against the old cabinets could be replaced with yours. a thought he would never have fathomed to cloud his mind, but he stayed up until dawn thinking of you finding home in these wooden walls. warnings: mentions of burns on skin, grammar errors, cliches, no indication of age or gender word count: 1.8k+

cared for

summary: maybe it was time for jack abbot to stop hiding behind independency and admit he wants to be cared for warnings: angsty jack who doesn't believe he should be cared for and that he should only care for others, grammar errors, no details pertaining to reader age, appearance, etc., a very quick write up! word count: 757

symphony

summary: with growing resentment towards the job, one special person brings a lightness to you life amid the dark. warnings: reader is sad and overwhelmed from work, no details pertaining to reader age, gender, appearance, etc., aside from the mention of hair, grammar errors (im sure). word count: 820

abbot blurb

abbot angst blurb

abbot 'off campus dance scene' inspired blurb

andrew 'pope' cody; animal kingdom

four months

you escaped to the viewing room. as odd as it may seem, there was some comfort being in the room that, for the last time in the hospital, honors the dead.

the taunting symphony now played softly in the background as your head hung between your knees. thoughts, any thoughts, whirled in your mind, desperate not to think about the disdain towards work building up. it’s painful to think that something you’ve dreamed about for so long to no longer be your dream. the sounds, the way your scrubs itch against your skin, the beep when you swipe your ID into the computer. it was overwhelming.

you didn’t need to raise your head up to know who opened the door. it was weird, every noise you heard today was grating, but not the sound of his heavy steps.

he sighed. “heard you were in here.”

you hummed, slightly lifting your head only to see his hands dangling by his side.

dr. abbot had this presence that lingered even when he was off shift. he was driven and logical. intelligent and empathetic. stern yet soft. his work ethic often rubbed off on others, and you could attest to that. working with him made you want to work more, research more, just overall be a better doctor. his wisdom and knowledge for medicine, hell, just the world around him, was inspiring.

"y'know. there was a time when i thought this job was too much. i found myself wandering to the roof more often than not. and it's strange, there was always one person who seemed to find me. always had the right words to say."

your lip twitched upwards, finally moving to lean back. abbot looked to you, neck slightly screwed to the left and eyes locked on yours. it was silent as you thought back to finding abbot on the roof for the first time.

it was late and windy, the chill nipping at your skin. abbot was leaning against the metal railing, looking out into the city. slowly, you approached, although he could already sense you were there. gently you placed your palm between his shoulder blades and you felt his muscles relax.

abbot shuddered slightly. he didn’t need you seeing him like this. he didn’t want you seeing him like this and yet his body folded into your side as you slung your arm around his shoulder.

“i’m sorry.”

“there is nothing you need or have to apologize for, abbot. emotions are normal. taking a moment for yourself is normal. i am here for you, always. we can talk, we can cry, we can stand here in silence. if you want, i can leave-”

“no,” abbot interjected quickly now turning his body towards you, “i want- need you here.”

you smile softly at the older man before you. always so stoic, sporting a guarded demeanor, now softer around the edges and a glaze to his eyes.

a faint whisper slipped from your lips ‘okay’, as you gently held his face that lulled into your palms.

so, here you are now, replacing the roof with the viewing room. abbot snaked his hand in yours and shook it slightly to break the haze.

“hey-,” he said softly before throwing your very words back in your face, “taking a moment for yourself is normal. i am here for you, always.”

suddenly your bottom lip began to wobble and abbot felt his heart surge. he kneeled in front of you, placing one hand on your knee and the other grasping your hand.

“hey, hey, hey-,” it was gentle, “you have me. you always have me and you always did. i want to be the one you can turn to. when your happy, sad, mad, whatever it may be. i will be by your side until you tell me to leave, okay? and…if i’m being honest with you…i don’t ever want to leave your side.”

it was now your turn to fold into his arms as you slide off the chair to kneel in front of him. arms encapsulating you as he pressed a kiss into your hair.

emotionally he was conflicted when you opted to help him. he was always self-reliant from a young age, which carried into his marriage and career. when anyone offered help, especially you, he refused. abbot didn't want the perception of him being strong to falter. it was a characterization he took on in order to maintain and control the hardships he had endured as well as the responsibilities that were thrusted on to him in his career.

the other part of abbot craved the care. not the grandiose signs of someone caring, but the little moments, the small acknowledgements that someone in his life is taking notes. the moments in which you grab the wet wipe from his hand to clean his blood-soaked shoe after your own 12-hour shift. the moments your hand lingers gently on his shoulder when you notice his gait wobbles as he stands.

or the moments you find abbot on the roof with his head facing the horizon. you never pushed him in those moments; the roof visits were a signifier to proceed with caution. for abbot, it wasn't helpful when asked 'how are you?' when his body was 6 inches from the sky. that was a question you never asked him. instead you offered, 'what can i do to help you?'.

you knew the pressure abbot put on himself and his aversion to dependence. it wasn't your goal to change him, but rather make him know in small gestures that he has someone in his corner. it was innocent at first as co-workers; however, that only lasted so long until your heart fluttered and head spun each time you saw him. your feelings, though, were an unspoken confession. abbot already placed enough pressure on himself, and you didn't want him to ponder his feelings towards you.

abbot watched you fold the wet wipe into a small baggy you had handy as you muttered you would throw it out at home as littering is unacceptable. the two of you began your goodbyes, which were never short, both seemingly delaying going home each time you needed to part. you started home first as abbot readjusted his leg one final time.

his heart thumped and ears burned red as he realized he already missed you despite still being mere feet from him. had his leg not ached, he thinks this time he would find himself running after you ready to confess it all. ready to pour his heart out that he didn't want to isolate himself under the guise of independence. he wanted to tell you his controlled exterior was a farce and that each day it was harder to deny the longing he had for someone who noticed all the small details. the brightness and softness you pulled from the clouded man after relentlessly reassuring him it was okay to not be strong all the time.

the salt and pepper curls were disheveled and out of place. the collar of his navy blue t-shirt stretched and hung loosely off his chest. grey cotton sleep shorts grazed his thighs. exhaustion was etched into his face. eyes slightly bloodshot. it felt wrong to lay eyes on him in this state.

guilt came over you, “i’m sorry. i should’ve realized you were asleep.”

a small smile danced across his lips, “you know i don’t sleep,” he joked.

it was a joke, but it made you feel worse. guilty that you ran to your coworker for help. for god's sake, abbot was an attending and you worked out in chairs at the check-in desk.

“i need your help. you can say no, okay?”

the grittiness of his voice subsided, “you know i’ll always help you.”

the cradled hand outstretched before you. the skin of your forearm tight and burning, begging for help. burning oil had kissed your skin from the late-night cooking.

“oh shit,” he muttered body now leaning forward, “did you rinse it under the water?” abbot's hands held your forearm with his fingers close to the burn. a small tug signaled you to enter after you offered a small nod to his question.

you've only ventured into his moderately furnished home a few times. the home neutral in color, wooden furniture, second-hand rugs in the hallways and living room, a calendar unturned for three months. abbot was not big on socializing, often taking a backseat to planned hospital gatherings. it was encouragement from dana and robby to have abbot host the occasional gathering at his home. they would never admit it but the friendly peer pressure was a way to have people in the home, a distraction from the silence abbot experiences since the passing of his late wife, no matter how many years ago it has been. her specter still present in the walls and shadows.

abbot situated you at the kitchen counter perched upon the tall chair. a clean towel was placed on the counter, allowing your arm to rest. he maneuvered back and forth between drawers and cabinets, his gait slightly unstable causing you to glance down. you felt even worse, pinching the bridge of your nose, realizing that abbot had to quickly put his prosthetic on to answer your knocks.

he placed his supplies down, “looks second degree. do you feel clammy? cold?”

“no, no…,” you shook your head.

“alright let me check your pulse first. the burn doesn’t seem deep enough, but burn shock is real.” abbot’s hand gently grabbed your wrist, fingers pressing against the radius. he hummed that your pulse seemed a bit high which he attributed to adrenaline. logical reasoning, but you knew the thumping of your heart against his fingers was because of him.

it was reminiscent of the first time abbot had grazed your skin. it was accidental, but god did the slight graze of his hand over yours, reaching for paperwork, leave you spinning for days. your skin burned for hours. you had been rummaging through files at the check-in desk and abbot was in need of an AMA form when his hand brushed the top of yours. he was apologetic and carried on like the interaction never happened. you, however, played the moment for days. his fingers had a clammy sensation from his latex gloves, though not ideal, it didn’t bother you a bit.

"i'm really sorry for coming here dr. abbot, i panicked and you were closer than the hospital," you said as he started to apply a lubricant to the burn.

"dr. abbot?" he asked incredulously with a brow high on his forehead, "it's abbot or jack...you know that. dr. abbot makes it sound like we aren't friends."

"it's a habit," the words tumbled from your lips breathlessly. you couldn't bring yourself to look at him, not when he was this close. abbot's forearms flexed as he tended to the burn, in turn causing you to gnaw on the inside of your mouth. eyes now fixated on his working hands. the small bones poking out from the skin, the deep blue veins prominent, and freckles scattered across the back of his hand. twelve you counted--no fourteen. there were two small brown freckles on the side of his index finger. abbot’s clothes smelled of laundry detergent and you could swear saffron and tobacco were the smell of his aftershave. it was intoxicating yet somehow nauseating. the twisting of your insides demanding you to quit it. he is a coworker, an attending.

his voice broke your trance, "i'm not losing you, am i? you look sick,” words light and laced with humor and concern.

"all good,” you squeaked with a huff of air.

abbot didn't protest. his hands idled to admire his work before cleaning up the small pile of supplies and garbage on the marble counter. you slipped off the chair, observing the light bandages to shield your raw skin from the outside world. before picking your head up, your body began to move forward, unknowing of the barrier before you.

"oh! im sor-sorry, abbot," you chuckled nervously as you bumped into him, not realizing he had entered your personal bubble. he stepped sideways to maneuver past you but it seemed your bodies were tethered with an invisible string as you moved in tandem with him. the two of you looked as if you were amateur dancers in a beginner class.

abbot's gaze was steadfast, silent but unyielding causing you to pause. though you both were frozen in place, the air was hot. you rolled your lips into your mouth in a desperate attempt to wipe the shy smile off your face. abbot's head was cocked with eyes wandering the planes of your face. the pink hue dusting your cheeks and neck and avoidance in eye contact had abbot smirking.

he knew you liked him long before he could come to terms with his own emotions. it was a wednesday at the ED and chairs were shockingly slow, the hard plastic rows vacant for hours. to stretch your legs you always did a loop in the back saying hello to the nurses and doctors. you were tucked into a corner speaking with kiara about an infamous patient before she inquired about your personal life. maybe it was the social worker in her that compelled her to check in with other staff, but you didn't mind. you'd confined in her numerous times about abbot, coining him 'cowboy' in some high school code name fashion. unbeknownst to you, abbot was concealed behind the closed door you had a hip leaning against, his ears perked listening to you drone on about a 'cowboy' and your inability to keep your composure around him.

with curiosity getting the better of abbot, he knew the one person he could ask for intel, princess.

"hey princess, who's uh- who's 'cowboy'?

her eyes peered up from the computer screen with a devilish smile appearing, "that would be you, cowboy."

abbot's realization came one time he held a small gathering at his house. the dinner he prepared now long gone but the smell of the food clung to the air. the boisterous chatter and laughter left as the last remaining staff scattered into the night. you opted to stay and clean, thanking abbot profusely for the amazing dinner and allowing a good portion of the ED team to occupy his home. abbot urged you to stop cleaning, insisting that you were the guest, but after the fourth pointed look from you, he gave up the pleas. it was strange to him how in sync your bodies moved between the counter, to the sink, to the dishwasher. not once bumping into each other. it was normal. it felt right. almost instinctive. part of him wanted to kick himself at the thought he could get used to this, you beside him, bringing life to the empty home. that maybe his late wife's shadow against the old cabinets could be replaced with yours. a thought he would never have fathomed to cloud his mind, but he stayed up until dawn thinking of you finding home in these wooden walls.

"i should...get going," you trailed, nerves unending.

he tsked, "it's pretty dark out there. you could stay."

"i've been a burden enough."

abbot watched as your eyes skated across his chest suddenly feeling his cocky nature dwindling into a shyer shell of himself.

“how could you ever be a burden to me?” he whispered, the question sincere.

you shrugged, shoulders inches higher, “it's not impossible."

abbot bobbed his head, taking a moment, "no, it really is impossible."

"i picked up a shift in the morning, i should sleep at home tonight," you replied, silently cursing in your head that past you wanted to make extra money. he smiled softly in understanding and walked you to the front door.

you needed to seize the opportunity, though. both of you had finally made indications of your hidden feelings and to stop the momentum now would be ludicrous. abbot would be too much of a gentleman to further initiate the conversation so you halted mid-step and swiveled back to abbot. his hazel eyes boring into yours with faces so close he could feel the small puffs of air from your nose.

"i hear it's good to follow up with a doctor three days after a burn." your fingers fiddling with the collar of his shirt.

"oh, is that so?" abbot teased, but his face flushed instantaneously.

"know of a good doctor? maybe one with a private practice? i'm not big on hospitals, y'know, spend my whole day in one," you quipped.

abbot sucked on his teeth, every instinct wanted to rip you back into his home. "yeah i know a guy," he started voice a bit gravelly, "works out of his home sometimes for special circumstances. heard he's pretty good at patching up a burn at his kitchen counter."

“the best for me? really because you didn’t fucking run that by me when you iced me out and told your family to pretend i’m not alive,” anger radiating off your body, your pointer finger jabbing into your chest with each word, “i didn’t realize you were all-fucking-knowing, pope. didn’t know you could determine how i would feel about something that you don’t warn me about.”

pope’s hand grabbed your wrist halting the repeated action, “it’s not safe for you.”

he was closer to you now with his body mirroring the slightest movement of yours. pope’s eyes locked on yours as if he will lose sight of you if he breaks away.

“i’m not safe for you,” he whispered.

the lump in your throat went down roughly, “i’ve been doing this shit just as long as you. i’ve known you pope, andrew, for years. i have loved you-i love you for years now. but pushing me away? what the fuck was that.”

you were forcing the tears back forbidding them from capsizing over your bottom eyelashes. now not only was the bullet still rattling in your heart, but it felt as though an invisible pump was deflating your lungs. depriving you of oxygen, skin growing cold, vision a haze.

“four months. up and vanished. not a word,” you choked all attempts to hide your emotions failing. you shoved at his chest causing him to stagger back, “i live two blocks away and i couldn’t find you. you’re not a hard man to find so i know you were putting in effort to avoid me.”

he stabilized himself, boots grounded into the floor, the squeaky boards under his feet now silencing. there was regret etched into his face evident by his eyebrows pulled together, a deep ridge forming between. pope chewed on his bottom lip as embarrassment set in. he knew it was fucked up to assume vanishing would be the best for you. safe for you. safe from his brothers, his mom, his past, him. it was a culmination of jobs gone south and self-doubting tendencies that blindsided him from good decision-making. you were right, of course you were, you always were. you and pope lived the same but separate lives for a long time before finding each other. been through the same fucked up shit.

maybe it was a horrible idea to love someone just as fucked up as you, but god did pope need you. he craved you in the simplest forms. the feeling of you walking next to him, your hand ghosting his shoulder as you passed him at your apartment sink, the warmth of your body tangled in the bedsheets with him.

it was idiotic of him to think either of you would be better off without the other. pope spent the last four months awake with almost no sleep. his demons creeping up, greeting him in the dark of night nagging him with reminders of the ghosts of his past. pope’s legs would swing from the ledge of the wall, eyes cast to the ocean with his right hand toying with his silver gun. there were many moments in the last few weeks where his skull and the barrel of the weapon acted as a magnetic force, the connection unwavering.

unbeknownst to him, you were spiraling at home desperate to find him anywhere. pope was two streets away yet it was as if he never existed on this earth. the tires of your car would screech into smurf’s driveway but the no trespassing sign greeted you, its commands unyielding. with a fist, you would barge into deran’s bar seeking answers but he would warn you to leave with his glock hesitating to point at you.

pope’s shoulders shook. a silent sob consuming his body. his life was shit but these last four months felt like hell had opened up and was punishing him for all his sins, torturing him in ways that mankind has yet to discover.

his hands reached forward softly grabbing your cheeks. your head lulled in his hands a sensation you have longed for. pope’s thumbs caught the droplets running from your eyes. a sight that caused him more anguish. tears that he caused.

“i am so sorry. please—please forgive me,” pope’s voice quiet and unsteady. his face was flushed and eyes now bloodshot.

you grabbed onto his hands removing them for your face, fingers slowly intertwining, “please never do that to me again.”

“is…is that…?”

mckay tried stifling a laugh as she shot a look towards an oblivious abbot. robby toyed with the silver chain for a brief moment before the chaos around him pulled him back to reality.

robby slid the necklace back into the backpack, “it has to be,” he replied with a smirk.

the mess of the MCI made it difficult for robby or mckay to question you or abbot about the necklace. abbot was laser-focused ordering out commands while you were cloaked in crimson darting around.

robby knew there was always something between you and abbot. abbot was devoted to his work despite his numerous roof visits, but what first raised suspicions was when he would come into a shift way too early a few weeks after you started. abbot was punctual by half an hour, maybe an hour, but suddenly that morphed into a full-length feature film early.

abbot would arrive and glance at your charts, silently admiring your thought process. though medical terminology can sometimes feel like its own language your documentation was effortlessly easy to follow and he often tried to mimic your work. abbots been in the field long enough but even he can learn something new. he was enamored by your drive and care for patients, you never wavered in your professionalism no matter how hard a patient may be. the kindness you exuded to your fellow co-workers had him taking note to have a bit more grace for others.

you could tell abbot had a heightened interest in you. his rough and tough exterior was a bit wobbly around you. you would find abbot following you throughout the last two hours of your shift, an invisible tether with a short leash and if you strayed too far he would come jerking towards you. abbot would situate himself beside you in the trauma rooms, not because he didn’t think you could do it, but because he knows you can do it and he wants a front-row seat to bear witness. his hand would brush against yours while you two did the tango passing equipment around. abbot thanked god he didn’t have a heart monitor on when you peered at him, eyes crinkled and smile hiding behind a mask.

it was a chilly evening and a couple stories in the air when abbot officially broke the ice. you had wandered up to the roof to watch the moon exchange places with the sun as abbot made his way to his shift, from the sidewalk outside he could see your figure above. it didn't take long for him to trudge up the stairs and onto the concrete roof. unbeknownst to abbot, he was greeted by your figure leaning against the metal bars, backside to him. god—he felt like he was back in high school blushing over his crush.

"how was your day?" he asked now by your side.

"easy going actually," you nodded, "how are you, how’ve you been sleeping?"

"could always be better, but y’know...thrilled to be here," abbot replied now looking towards you.

a small laugh left your nose, "we all know you love it here. it can be hell but we all seem to thrive."

abbot to this day doesn't know what possessed him to utter these next words. perhaps the moment just felt, right. the slight chill in the air signaling pittsburgh's looming winter, the laughter of the couples wandering the streets, or maybe it was the way the moonlight shone on your face. the white glow highlighting and contouring the plane and the way the light bounced off your eyes. god, what color even were they now? abbot swears he has never seen a shade so beautiful.

"nowhere is hell if you are around."

so here you are now, naive to the fact robby and mckay have discovered your little secret. that missing necklace of yours tangled in abbot's supplies. the silver chain abandoned and forgotten about after a weekend lake trip in which abbot insisted his go-bag needed to come "just in case". his fingers had danced around your neck and unlatched the tiny clasp, tucking the jewelry away in his bag before the two of you waded in the water.

mckay found herself assisting abbot with one of the victims and although it was not the time and place to ask questions, she was itching to.

"hey abbot, where do you bring this?" mckay inquired, head nodding towards the black bag.

abbot peered up from his protective glasses, "uh- usually don't need it. maybe take it camping sometimes, it's usually in my car. why?" he panned out, drilling a small hole into the patient's upper arm.

mckay grabbed a bag of blood, "just curious."

on the other side of the room, robby found himself gravitating towards you. maybe the venture was a way to keep himself from going mad over the horror surrounding him, a slight amusing distraction that he can later pester abbot about. robby waited until you and langdon finished assisting a patient until they were wheeled off into the green zone.

"hey," robby trailed suddenly feeling awkward, "what was that necklace you lost again? i uh- saw a necklace in the staff lounge."

you raised a brow at the question and robby's hands wringing together, "it's silver with a small flower."

"wrong necklace then."

robby drifted back to the red zone with a small smirk, one of his hands came up to rub the disbelief off his face. without missing a step he continued past mckay whispering 'bingo' on his way into a trauma room.

it was another hour before the chaos simmered, the blood-stained floors now vanished, the cries of those suffering gone but still reverberating in your ears. your palm found the hospital wall, head bowed to finally catch the breath you’ve been holding for the last three hours. a hand ghosted your shoulder.

“you okay?” abbot’s head tilted to meet your face, eyes locked.

it was rhetorical but he still meant it. if you strung together any vowels or consonants that suggested you were far from okay abbot would’ve swooped you into his arms and carried you to his house, ignoring the aching pain of his prosthetic.

a nod was all that was needed, silent confirmation that you were still standing. abbot’s eyes drifted towards the door, clear of anyone roaming, “i’m with you. always”, he whispered into your hair.

bags were gathered and goodbyes were muttered as everyone filed out for the night to their respective plans. the late-night beer in the park wasn’t a permanent solution to ease the troubles from the shift but it offered a temporary distraction. it was a small group tonight understandably so with some sitting and others rocking on their feet. keeping up with the secret you and abbot were situated on opposite benches. you nursed the same can of beer listening to the others go back and forth with a watchful eye from abbot.

this would turn into a routine for nights spent at the park. everyone would file out after they raised their blood alcohol level, just enough to make them feel warm. robby usually took a beer to go and donahue would load up the cooler as princess gushed about her new boo. unknowingly leaving the two love birds alone to whisper sweet nothings.

everyone began to scatter leaving you, robby, and abbot to rehash a story about gloria from a few weeks ago. robby stretched his legs which was a typical signal that he was heading out. the large backpack hung from his shoulder as he halted his steps, a click from his lips before he spoke,

"oh," robby started with a scratch of his head, "check abbot's bag for your necklace."

with bludging eyes, you sputtered out incoherent words in pure shock. robby's laughter echoed into the night paired with a quick 'zip!' from beside you. abbot was grateful the dark night masked his burning face.

"i didn't know i left it in there, fuck. jack--i am so sorry."

he gestured for you to finally join him on the bench beside him now alone and secret exposed in the empty park. the chain fell back into its rightful place with the delicate touch of abbot's fingers.

abbot let out a soft chuckle, eyes narrowing in happiness, "there is nothing to be sorry for.”

you fiddled with the chain as anxiety set in. nervous about the potential implications of the ED discovering the secret relationship. not only that, but a small part of you liked the secrecy. you weren’t embarrassed to be with abbot, you loved him even if those three words hadn’t been spoken yet. there was a daring aspect as the two of you navigated the ED pretending to be nothing more than professional acquaintances while simultaneously sneaking into a hidden corner to plant a kiss on the other's cheek or abbot slipping out an inside joke that would fall flat to others but caused you to hide a coy smile. after the shift, you would part ways but it wasn’t long until the familiar knocks echoed from your wooden front door, abbot’s face smiling at you and his curly hair disheveled. he would stumble forward, lips desperate to find yours after a long day, and cusp the side of your neck, his other hand pressed flat against your spine, and your feet edged backward to find a wall for support. abbot would whisper against the base of your throat how he couldn't wait to feel you in his hands and you would push against his firm chest, now guiding him backward till you reached the couch. laughter would bubble up your throat as he hastily ripped off your work clothes.

a hum left your throat, “how many people went into your bag and- and saw?”

voices sounded from all around you but you couldn’t comprehend what syllables your coworkers were stringing together to comfort you. with your body numb from the shift and imposter syndrome setting in, you aimlessly pushed past everyone without a word and wandered until you reached a stairwell multiple flights up from the emergency department.

you slammed the side of your fists into the wall as the numbness faded and the anger, sadness, and pain took place. the little girl's face played in your mind, the repeated visits she had to the emergency room due to a chronic condition. each time she came that tiny voice of hers pleaded to see you. she trusted you each time yet in the end you failed her.

back in the emergency department langdon had exited one of the trauma rooms as the patient was rushed up to surgery. he trudged over to the nurses station searching for his hours-old red bull in hopes of a pick me up. immediately langdon could tell there was a shift in energy in the department. some nurses were whispering, others quietly documenting notes, robby was in a hushed but serious conversation with the security guards.

"hey langdon," dana sighed offering a thin-lipped smile.

"what's going on out here? did i miss something, everyone seems a bit...uh, off," he questioned.

dana's mouth morphed into a frown, "the little girl passed, the smith family that is always here. the dad became angry and started attac-"

"where is she?" langdon cut dana off immediately knowing you were the one who was with the girl.

dana could only offer a shoulder shrug, "she walked off after security took the father away."

"shit," he muttered as he dropped the redbull on the desk and stalked off towards a familiar spot.

footsteps echoed their way towards you and in a measly attempt to hide your face you placed your forehead to your knees, "look gloria, i don't want to fill out any statements or paperwork."

"i didn't know i gave off a managerial presence but i'll consider that for the future."

you peeked your eyes open to see two shoes in front of your own feet. letting out a deep breath you picked your head up and looked at langdon's figure standing above you.

"respectfully, you should never consider it, i don't think you're cut out for a position like that," you attempted to joke back, blinking away threatening tears and clearing your scratchy throat.

langdon shared the wall with you as he slid down to the floor, his shoulder bumping into yours and his legs outstretched beside your own. you didn't need to look at langdon to know his eyes were boring holes into you. for the moment, it was nice to not be alone. hearing his light breathing and the sound of his scrubs rubbing together distracted you from the thoughts clouding your mind. the small voices of the patients you've lost telling you to walk out of the hospital and never return. that you're wasting your time and doing more harm than good.

"look, i-" langdon hesitated, "i am so sorry."

your head dropped back against the wall, eyes looking to the ceiling, "it's all my fault, he is right. why the fuck am i a doctor? she was five langdon, five. i couldn't save her and she is gone because of me, because of my shortcomings, because my failure of knowledge," you ranted with a wobbly voice.

langdon winced at your words. he has found himself repeating those same sentences to himself in the mirror when he's had a horrible shift. a sentiment that most doctors langdon knows have battled with. the weight of every right and wrong choice lingering with you until the end of time.

langdon whispered your name to grab your attention. he softly grabbed your hands, careful not to startle you in this vulnerable state, "every patient we cannot fix, every moment we cannot fix will sit with us, forever. it will sit with you forever, i know it and i know you well enough. this job can be brutal and unfair but it can also be so fulfilling."

"i know," you whispered finally looking to him. langdon's face etched with concern. the pad of his thumb dusting off a rolling tear.

he continued, "i have never met someone so dedicated to their job. not only do you fight for your patients but you also fight for your coworkers...for me. you are a rarity. you are a doctor because your heart is in the right place and you strive to make a difference. losing patients is going to be a given no matter how good we are, it's the nature of the job. but, you cannot give up."

a weak and shaky smile graced your face. you looked to the man beside you appreciative of his words that were not laced with humor but with shared understanding and respect. delicately you cupped his cheek, "thank you, langdon."

"i will be here for you, always. an-and, i need you...i cannot walk through these doors every shift knowing you won't be here. we have each other, okay?"

you blinked away the fast-approaching tears and nodded softly to him. langdon wrapped an arm around your shoulder allowing you to nestle into his side.

you had signed up for an acting improv class to fill a gap in your schedule. you hated it if you were being honest. there was nothing you loathed more than performing in front of a group of strangers or friends, at that. each week you were forced to stagger up onto the stage and begrudgingly act. however, this week may have been your worst nightmare. the professor instructed that a small group of students would write short stories and the others will be randomly selected to perform one. of course, the performance was partner work and of course, you were assigned with who you sat with, and what a shock, you and minho were selected to perform later on in the week and not write.

minho’s head was buried deep in his phone the entire class. you weren’t trying to snoop, but it felt as if your eyes were magnets and minho’s screen was a beautiful big magnetic field. the text messages were littered with hearts and cute stickers. in a measly attempt, you acted as if you weren't staring when his head turned.

“i’m planning on officially asking them out this weekend,” he smiled.

you sucked on the inside of your cheek, desperately trying to suppress any negative remarks, “that’s… lovely.”

god, you felt horrible that you weren't being a supportive friend but you couldn't fake excitement for minho when your heart was crumbling to pieces.

most days you wished would pass quickly, hoping the sun would set early and the moon to take over signaling the start of a new day. this week, however, you wished twilight never came and time stood still so you could avoid the end of the week. unfortunately for you, that wish was never granted and you sat at your desk, drumming your fingers, patiently waiting for what was to come.

professor kwon summoned you and minho up to her desk and handed you each a copy of the short story you were about to perform.

"seems like your writer is quite fond of romance," she remarked as the paper slotted into your hand.

minho turned back to your shared desk without looking at the story but your eyes rapidly darted over the words before you scoffed, the papers nearly crumpled in your hand, "i'm not doing this professor kwon- this is," you laughed, "-this is not happening."

professor kwon's sharp eyes peeked over her glasses, "i suggest you do so if you want to pass the class. no assignment has been an issue for you before, why the sudden change?"

"it's nothing," you shook your head, anger laced in your tone.

her eyes scanned your face, lips pursed, "go practice."

with a sigh, you slumped into your chair. examining the paper and the long dialogue you had to act out almost immediately. the short story started in the middle of an argument between the two characters. it took every fiber of your being not to confront the classmate who wrote the story and ask her if she had been spying on you. the words on the page paralleling your current situation with minho in a way that was almost eerie, taunting you in your dismay. desperately, your mind spun of any ideas to get yourself out of this moment, but you heard minho start.

"just tell me!" minho pressed, acting in character.

your throat felt tight but you started nonetheless, “i can’t keep pretending that you don’t cloud every corner of my mind and every thought i have. some have called me crazy, said i was addicted to the idea of you, the idea of us that will never be. the us that will only exist in the quiet corners of my mind, hidden from the world. a sanctuary i preserve and escape to daily. and maybe- maybe they are right,” you paused briefly as your eyes started to sting with tears. you refused to look up at minho as you felt his eyes bore into you.

“you don’t even see me, yet, i would walk through hell and across any sea if you asked me. i would bear the brunt of any injury to have you notice me.”

a shaky exhale escaped your lips as you finally looked at minho, his gaze unwavering, “and… i love you. but, we will never be more than just a one-sided confession,” you whispered.

briefly, you stayed glued to your seat watching as minho’s expression became hard to decipher. the realization of what you’ve done came crashing down and you quickly threw the papers onto the desk and shot up from your desk muttering incoherent words and dashing out of class. you were gone before you could hear the whispers of the class asking each other what happened.

minho's features contorted in confusion as he watched you rip open the door and leave, but truthfully he was feeling confused before that. as he sat there listening to the words of your character, it felt too real. he observed the way your lip slightly trembled between words and the glaze of your eyes. he was wondering why his heart rate accelerated and his palms became clammy. his throat was tight and it felt like two tons was sitting on his chest, slowly and agonizingly piercing through his skin and crushing his bones and heart. there was a tiny voice in the back of his head cheering 'finally' as he listened to your character's words, words he wished were your own.

minho glanced back at the now abandoned script. he followed the lines until he noted your monologue was cut short. minho's eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he frantically flipped to the next page, searching for the remainder of the lines. he swallowed harshly as he realized you added in the last few sentences, the words that hit him the hardest.

“and… i love you. but, we will never be more than just a one-sided confession"

was nowhere on the script.

automatically his feet were moving at a rapid pace into the hallway. there was no sign of life beyond the echo of his thumping heart and heavy breathing.

____________

a/n: soo hehe did i mention i'm notorious for writing angst. i can't believe how many people loved part one so i had to continue this. ty!!

it hurt, to ignore him. act like minho wasn't there. sure you would come around to him after a few days and pick right back up where you left off. and yes maybe it was unfair to ignore him after an argument, but that was you, that's what you did.

what you've really come to recognize is these silly little arguments hurt because you had feelings for minho. you hated the giddy feeling you had when he was around. the slight heat to your cheeks when he gave a real, genuine, compliment. the sizzling sensation that coursed through your skin when his hand brushed against you. or the way it felt like your chest was caving in on you and your lungs were screaming for help when minho confessed to q that he had a crush on someone, someone that isn't you.

so here you were avoiding him after he made an innocent remark about his crush. it shouldn't have, but it rubbed you the wrong way and perhaps it was because of the newfound knowledge of your feelings towards minho.

the evening was approaching and soon the sun would exchange places with the moon. the friday night would come alive and the sounds of eager students heading off campus would echo into the night, almost taunting you in your sadness. there was a nice footpath you've called home for the last week. after classes were finished you found yourself walking on the winding path away from school, taking in the fresh air and allowing yourself some peace. nestled a few feet away from the path was a small gazebo with a picnic table in the center. you sat down and allowed your eyes to close, soaking in the tranquility of nature away from the dizziness of life.

"hey..." a voice called out ripping you back to reality.

the voice. his voice. in this moment it made you feel sick. you swear you could feel the bile rising up and threatening to escape. your vision went white. heart beating so hard you could've sworn you saw its outline rising from your chest.

"hey minho," you exhaled as he sat across from you.

his throat bobbed, "how are you?"

you hummed in response, unsure what to say.

the silence between you stretches longer than it ever has. there was no space for quick-witted responses or light-hearted banter. minho didn't know what was the reason for your absence, but he missed you. when he looked at you your eyes didn't hold that mischief it normally possessed. he knew this was not a moment for a sarcastic quip.

"talk to me," minho nearly pleaded, eyes dancing across your face.

you paused trying to find a way to convey your thoughts to minho without confessing your feelings, "have you ever realized something too late?"

his eyebrow pulled up on his face, "well...of course, yeah. i think we all have."

"like, the thing is right there," you nearly laughed, "right in front of you the whole time. but by the time you realize, it's gone, it's moved on like everything else. i realized the importance of it too late."

you looked to minho who sat silently as you rambled. his eyes were clear of any judgment or jokes. the typical smirk etched on his lips was erased. his brows pulled softly together, a delicate ridge separating them. you watched as his hand snaked up from his lap and cradled your hand. his fingers lazily intertwining with your own.

"you know you can tell me anything," he said softly, his accent lighter.

you offered him a small smile. not a fake one, a real one. you could tell minho everything, everything but this. not when he is interested in someone else, you can't ruin that for him. can't ruin your friendship.

he sensed the hesitation, "...c'mon," he urged gently, eyes hopeful.

there was a moment of consideration as you gnawed on the inside of your mouth. the weight of your secret was becoming unbearable. all you wanted to do was scream at the top of your lungs for every person in KISS and for every star in the galaxy to hear that you were falling for minho. but before you could open your mouth and string together all the consonants and vowels for 'minho i'm falling for you' his phone rang.

minho's hand slid out from yours leaving you feeling icy but not as icy as the blood coursing through your body as you watched a shy smile adorn his face. one of his hands ran through his hair, a movement he did when he was feeling nervous, in a good way. you sat in agonizing silence waiting for him to hang up.

a pink hue dusted across his cheeks, "that was uh-"

"go," you replied softly, barely above a whisper, "have fun."

the moonlight that illuminated your face was now blocked my minho's standing figure. if you could, you wanted to be swallowed by his shadow into the darkness.

"oh. what were you going to say before the call?" minho asked.

tangerine and stubbornness go hand in hand, you can't have one without the other. his attitude made missions sometimes far easier when there were issues with other individuals or, in this case, far more difficult. instead of waiting an extra five minutes for the incoming call from lemon providing tangerine with the keycode, tangerine took it upon himself to smash the keypad. of course, an orchestra of alarms rang out and bounced off the walls of the building in an almost deafening manner. but rest assured, there was no one in the building...according to tangerine.

"c'mon we need to hurry up," you said, now walking in stride with him, "second-floor unit 204."

it was a file the two of you were after. information was scarce to get. a mission would come through, assigned off to you, and that was the extent of knowledge you had. as far as you and tangerine knew, your boss wanted the list of names encrypted on the file. what you didn't know was that the building was teeming with employees ready to defend the file.

there was a loud boom followed by an eerie silence. immediately you and tangerine halted, his hand coming to hover in front of your body preventing you from moving. tangerine's eyebrows were pulled into a deep furrow attempting to use some sort of instinct to decipher where the noise was coming from. he caught your eye before following your pointed fingers that were angled above and to the left. just as he pivoted his head, a symphony of gunshots rang.

"move!" he demanded, gripping your jacket and shoving you behind a structural pillar.

the whizzing of the bullets sounded as if you were surrounded by a swarm of bees. you were silently cursing at tangerine for his rash decisions earlier. you watched as tangerine shot five men in succession.

"oh but we had time, right?" you barked, aiming your sights on seemingly the last gentleman. with a squeeze of the trigger, the bullet went flying, piercing the man on the side of his neck.

tangerine sprinted from his position, "let's go," he directed, grabbing onto your wrist.

"god-," you panted, "i hate working with you sometimes."

"oh shut up," he huffed as your legs pounded against the waxed tiles, your wrist still bouncing in his grasp.

just as the two of you were about to push open the front doors, a bullet shattered the glass causing the two of you to stumble. daring to peer behind you, you were met with about four men charging forward.

"shit, c'mon," tangerine rushed.

tangerine guided you around the corner of the building, sprinting into a busier part of town. there was no chance of losing the men and although the distance between grew wide, you could still hear the pounding of the footsteps. with you in tow, tangerine darted into a convenience store. through short breaths, you could hear tangerine muttering how there is a back exit. you took the opportunity to shrug off your jacket and toss it down one of the aisles in a measly attempt to disguise yourself. without warning you gripped tangerine's button down and popped the first three buttons open. he sent you a look of disgust.

"can you try disguising yourself?" the annoyance in your tone evident. without a word, tangerine huffed as he discarded his perfectly tailored jacket and vest by shoving it into a man's arms.

you and tangerine decided to cut into a park. it was risky doing so. the park only had one real entrance and exit and there wasn't much to hide behind. tangerine figured it was the best option instead of walking the busy streets and putting innocent lives in danger. so, the two of you darted through the gate but not before one last look at the unwelcomed guests trailing behind. thankfully, there was enough distance that the man leading the pack didn't notice the small detour you two took.

"what the fuck!" you groaned quietly after a few minutes of heaving breaths and pebbles scattering beneath your feet. you noticed one of the men walking slowly through the park's weaving pathways.

tangerine ran a hand through his hair, "we got nowhere to go."

you felt your palms getting sweaty as you tried raking your brain of what to do. tangerine looked just as clueless as you. the park had one entrance and the two of you were trapped in the corner.

"kiss me."

"what?" tangerine asked incredulously.

"pda, it uh-" you stammered, "it makes people uncomfortable."

a nervous chuckle escaped his lips but you couldn't miss the way his tongue poked out between his lips, "i'm not-"

before your mind could process your movements you were shoving tangerine by the shoulders and forcing him to sit down on the park bench. as if it was the most natural action in the world, you placed your knees on either side of his legs and sat on his thighs. leaning down you pressed your lips against his. your hands trailed up the back of his neck and into his now loose curls. you noted how tangerine didn't seem to move at first until it was like he suddenly came to life and his hands gripped at your hips.

tangerine's mind was spinning. he'd never dare to admit but he dreamed of this. the way your lips slotted perfectly into his, the feeling of your heart thumping against his chest, your nails gently gliding against his scalp, the feeling of your weight on him.

the kiss was gentle yet desperate. a kiss so perfect that you only read about it in romance novels. too perfect that you didn't even hear the suited man wielding a gun mutter how disgusting people are these days. his grimacing face going unnoticed as your lips molded to tangerine's. the echo of his footsteps receding faded into the night.

your lungs burned for air but you couldn't bring yourself to pull away. tangerine's cologne clouded your senses with a perfect mixture of cedarwood and green mandarin. his facial hair tickled at your face. you could feel tangerine's thigh flex with the movement of your body. his hands cradled your frame, your shirt slightly bunched in between his fingers. it pained you to pull away but you lost the ability to breathe.

your eyes fluttered in a sense of disbelief but also awe as tangerine's eyes bounced around your face. he noted the way your chest rapidly rose and fell, but for him, his breathing paused. he took in the way your lips were slightly swollen and glistening, the vanilla lip balm you applied earlier now transferred to his lips. your shirt now lopsided on your shoulders from him gripping your sides. though only one lamp lit the bench the two of you were perched on, tangerine could still see the pink flush dancing across your cheeks. gently, he raised his hand and brushed his thumb across your bottom lip, already missing the kiss.