Daddy Newbie

When my son is insistent that he’s done with his dinner and wants to get down from his chair, but he’s barely eaten anything, and I begin negotiations with him.

Listening to self-righteous parents explain why their methodology is better than anyone else’s in the room.

When my son is giving out kisses but then decides it’s time to play, and he initiates play time with a bite.

When we’re prepping for a party where there will be a bazillion kids coming over, and I pull out a stack of solo cups from the back of the closet and find two long-forgotten ping pong balls sitting in the top cup.

When I take my son out of his car seat and put him right into the stroller.

When my son is trying to act nonchalant while leaving a room he wasn’t supposed to be in.

When my son is giving me a particularly difficult time, but my wife is able to calm him down, she asks if he wants to go back to DaDa and he says “no.”

When I give in and allow my son to drink from a glass instead of his sippy cup.

After my son gives my wife a particularly difficult time in the afternoon, and I come home from work to a house that looks like a crime scene.

My son’s reaction as I run through a list of things to do, while he’s in the midst of his “no” stage

When I’m hiding in the bathroom and I can hear my son and his other toddler friends passing by as they look for me for more piggy back rides.

Opening up the diaper after my son’s been backed up for more than a day.

When my son insists on going outside to play during a windy rainstorm.

When my son climbs up the slide and goes down it, all on his own, and then poses there at the end super proud of himself.

When I’m using the restroom and my son knocks at the door, but it ends up I didn’t close it all the way.

When I’m trying to dress my son but he won’t stop moving.

When my son does a prolonged stare at me from across the room after he hears me open the bag of M&Ms.