you're finally soft. all the work you've done pushing your limits whenever you can are starting to spill over the waistbands of your jeans. Your waistbands all pinch sharply at the fat quickly accumulating on your hips. The only way you've been able to get your thighs in seems to be praying and doing whatever you have to do to cram yourself into the unforgiving, stiff denim of jeans you outgrew too fast to even break in. every time you've let yourself succumb to another treat, another serving, the beer and sugary drinks has seriously started to stick.
and so have the habits. snacking is as automatic a routine as anything else in your day. deciding you wanted to eat things that were delicious and decadent more than worry about how it would make you fat has completely changed your relationship with food. you devour as much as you want, as often as you can. you can't help it anymore; you can hardly believe the extent of your gluttony. your whole life has started to change as you've embraced eating as a reflexive response to every situation. comfort, stress, curiosity and more often, just for fun.
the idea that you might actually get fat has become more real. and despite how you're so noticeably on your way into the category of "chubby", you simple take it as permission to eat even more shamelessly. It's partially out of disbelief; you're still not quite believing that you're finally gaining the weight you've always been so, so curious about.
but you are. it's softening everything about you and you're loving it even more than you guessed you might. so, i think, the only thing to do is...keep eating, right?
