Hard Times

Me:

1. I would initially think "what the fuck" and be distracted from the anxiety. (Correct.)

2. The cold of the ice would shock my system, bringing me back to the physical world and reality, drawing my focus to the cold in my mouth, and keep my brain away from thinking "I'm panicking, I must be dying." (Correct.)

When you go into fight or flight mode, non-crucial body functions stop working so you have more energy to do what you need to do to survive (oooor to spiral into a panic attack). By forcing yourself to make saliva it helps calm you down because since fight or flight is an all or nothing response, they can’t happen at the same time.

Anxiety is an emotional thing BUT there are feedback systems in place in your body that pay attention to physical states as well, which is why you then experience raised heart rate and so on when anxious. Eliminate or confuse one feedback system? Reduce anxiety.

less: saying yes to people, things and events that are not good for your mental health, more: saying no, setting clear boundaries, walking away from toxic people, doing things and being with people that make your heart happy

less: working up to the point of a mental breakdown, neglecting yourself, more: taking time to recharge your batteries, taking breaks, investing in me-time and self-care

less: negative self talk, more: positive thoughts to remind yourself how amazing, beautiful and capable you are - remember that the way you talk to yourself matters

less: comparing yourself to the path of others, more: realising that you walk your own path, being proud of everything you are and everything you have achieved

less: doing things just because others say so, being afraid to show your true self, more: fully expressing yourself, choosing things because you - and no one else - want them

less: bottleing up your feelings, saying you are okay when you are not, hiding behind a mask, more: being open and honest about the way you feel, being vulnerable, knowing that is is okay not to be okay

me:

“oh, so i’m a horrible person? i’m a bad friend? is that what you’re saying? maybe i should just leave you alone for good since everything i do seems to upset you.”

“i’m so fucking sorry, i’m sorry, oh my god, i don’t deserve to be alive, all i ever do is screw up and hurt people, i’m a terrible person, please don’t hate me - ”

“why does it make you uncomfortable? that seems like a weird thing to be uncomfortable about. please explain in minute detail and don’t forget to excavate the entirety of your tragic backstory so i can decide if it’s bad enough to justify your discomfort.”

“i mean, sure, but free speech - “ 

“okay, thank you for telling me. i may not fully understand why this thing is upsetting for you, but i will stop doing it because i care about your feelings.“ 

sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you

walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass

sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale

drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out

stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses

eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

Making 1 small change that can start improving your mood leads to other small changes. When I couldn’t make myself shower I would make sure I changed underwear every day. And then I started using baby wipes to keep myself fresh. And then I worked my way back to trying to take showers every day. My record might not be perfect but I’m getting better.

If you can’t do anything else, just brush your teeth. This is the best thing you can do to help yourself long term. 

Mental Health:

50 Signs of Mental Illness

Creativity and Madness

Holistic Mental Health

Mental Health, Naturally

The Integrated Self

Bipolar Disorder:

Bipolar II

Bipolar Disorder: Insights for Recovery

Break the Bipolar Cycle

Finding Your Bipolar Muse

Manic Depression and Creativity

Mind Race

The Bipolar Advantage

The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide

The Bipolar Relationship

The Tao of Bipolar

The Natural Medicine Guide to Bipolar Disorder

Touched with Fire

Welcome to the Jungle

Eating Disorder:

8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder

Beating Ana

Beating Eating Disorders Step by Step

Biting Anorexia

Biting the Hand that Starves You

Brave Girl Eating

Decoding Anorexia

Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder

My Recovery

Next to Nothing

Regaining Your Self

Telling ED No!

The Woman in the Mirror

Restoring Our Bodies

Self Injury:

Bodily Harm

Cutting

A Bright Red Scream

Freedom from Self-Harm

Chakras:

Chakra Foods for Optimum Health

Chakra Tonics

The Book of Chakras

The Book fo Chakra Healing

The Complete Book of Chakra Healing

The Complete Guide to Chakras

Your Seven Energy Centers

Creativity/Workbooks/Journals:

Chi and Creativity

It’s Gonna Be Okay

Journal Spilling

Raw Art Journaling

The Body Image Workbook

The Creative Habit

The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety

Other:

Beautiful You

Broken Open

How to Train an Elephant

Intuitive Self-Healing

Radical Acceptance

The Book of Qualities

The Dancing Self

The Exercise Balance

The Mindfulness Solution

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

Shut Up, Skinny Bitches!

You Are A Badass

Your Body Never Lies

So I started an Amazon Storefront (https://www.amazon.com/shop/cole_ashleyy) and will be putting all of these books on there so you can find them all easily. I can also update the list as I find / read more books. 

When your best friend tells you all she had for breakfast Was a packet of Splenda and a Diet Coke, And she tells you that she’ll stop after she loses five more pounds, Do not believe her. Tell her mother. It does not matter how angry your friend gets. The pain of that will always be preferable to the pain Of seeing your best friend in four years Weighing as much as she does now Half-dead in the hospital.

When your father sneaks into your bed in the dead of the night, And he tells you that this is how fathers love their daughters, Do not believe him. Tell your English teacher. She will have read millions of stories of girls like you. There is a one in six chance that she will be a girl like you. There is a five in six chance that she will know what to say to you. There is a six in six chance that she will help you.

When your veins whisper to you in the moonlight And say that there are so many nightmares inside you That could be free If you would just open your arms, Do not believe them. Tell your school’s guidance counselor, No matter how scared you are Because whispers are liars, And opening your arms will only open the passage For more nightmares to climb in.

Wash your hair. Don’t worry about all those articles online about the best haircare products of 2019 and whatnot, get in, wash it like you usually do, get out. Leave it to air dry, it’s less work for you.

Brush your teeth. Even if you brushed them this morning and are probably going to brush it tonight, do it anyway. Especially if it’s exam time, all that tea or coffee you’re most likely downing (props to you if you only study with water) probably makes them feel kind of gross.

I know most of these lists tell you to run a bath, but let’s face it, for those of you who even have a bath in the first place, the thought of filling that tub and sitting there in complete silence for a couple hours seems like a trek. And ironically exhausting. So instead, just brush your hair, take a nap (set a nice soothing alarm) and once you’ve gotten out of bed, wash your face or at least splash cold water on your face.

CLEAN clean clean clean CLEAN. Easier said than done, but at least start by clearing one messy component of your area; it could be your floor, your desk or your bed. You don’t need to clean and re-organise your entire room marie condo-style for you to actually have a reason to take the time to clean in the first place. A little goes a long way, and you don’t ALWAYS need to do the hard yards ya know.

I would say read a book, but sometimes your brain is melting or buzzing so it can’t really focus on anything lengthy. So instead, find someone reciting a poem online, and just listen to it. I recommend Jeremy Irons and his voicing of tons of T.S Eliot poetry, or Allen Ginsberg reciting his own poetry (Howl is a classic).

If you’re one of those people who drowns their sorrows by listening to music, don’t listen to music!! Don’t reinforce your pain!! So to that I say, listen to a podcast. If the classic podcast genre of true crime is a little too stressful and you’ve already cried twice today, listen to interviews with actors, screenwriters and directors. It can be really refreshing to listen to people you already enjoy the content of talk about their work. I recommend Awards Chatter and Happy Sad Confused.

Stop staring at screens! Just physically sit outside for a bit, you don’t need to go for a jog or do a general workout, just…sit. People-watch, try and memorise the exact scene in front of you, from the mis-en-scene to all the colours and sounds and the way the sunlight feels on your eyelashes. Write it down if you want to, you could even denote a single notebook to your little outdoor descriptions. Or just write on a napkin. To each their own.

Have you eaten today? And I mean something hearty, something that isn’t primarily made out of air and salt. Something that falls under the umbrella of snack does not count; meal is more like it. If not, eat. Preparing food might feel exhausting, but so’s going a relatively long amount of time without something nutritionally substantial.