doe-eyed

Recently, I have been letting my leg hair grow out. I am trying to be more confident in my natural body. It doesn't make sense to me to preach feminism while consciously making choices that contradict that. While it's certainly less effort not dealing with razor burn and stubble, I find myself insecure. There is hair that I can confidently say that I don't mind (or even like), but I am a lot hairier than most girls I know. I still shave my legs when I want to feel pretty in a fancy dress, or when I want to wear a bikini. When I don't, I feel like it ruins my look. It isn't something that I like to admit, but it's the truth. I do in fact feel less beautiful when my legs are hairy.

Looking pretty makes me feel good, but I realize that it wouldn’t have that effect if I didn’t live in a society where beauty correlates to value. Part of me wonders if it’s really so wrong to just indulge and be vain sometimes. I mean, I do it anyways, but should I be so hard on myself about it? Is being self aware enough, or is it worth it to make the effort to change?

I think that my relationship with how I look is pretty decent right now, but comparison is what drags me down. This is kind of what inspired this post, actually. I was just rewatching mean girls and I couldn’t help but to get that slight tinge of jealousy that I feel towards girls that just naturally look like they smell like freshly shampooed hair and vanilla, and their faces never get oily, and they never get tired of sitting up straight. I don’t consider myself an insecure person in general, but something about girls like that makes me feel alien AND ITS SOOO frustrating because I KNOWWW WHY!!! There’s like this huge sense of cognitive dissonance within me and it drives me crazy sometimes.