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Januar 27

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I saw a guy yesterday on the bus who looked very similar to this actor, but there was something with him that was so catching. It was like I knew him from somewhere. He was very charming and handsome. We sat across each other, and had the opportunity to look at each other for that short time we were travelling. He was kind of a mix between this actor and that oral surgeon mĆ”tĆ© which was so familiar, I was happy that I put on mascara and lipstick that day, but I could have removed my cap, but I didnāt know how it would have looked so I decided not to. I was in love for 15 minutes, thatās all I get.
january 20 - on the next day
my happiness - my brother graduating as a chemical engineer
yesterday we gathered in our flat to celebrate him, we had food, drink and lots of fun. i decided not to post a picture, staying faceless and nameless as long as i can.
he was always the typical middle child. lazy, goofy and a rebel. we had our fights but he was always a sweet borther , and we loved each other. iāve always have been proud to call him my big brother but yesterday iāve never fel prouder of him.
have luck and success in your life, big brother. love you.
Jan 15 MÔlnÔs csokis kÔvè yumm
Suddenly I wonder, āWhere is the girl that I was last year? Two years ago? What would she think of me now?
Sylvia Plath (via ohteenscanrelate)

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January 14th
2017 is off to a good start
we are two weeks in 2017 and i just made a resolution i want to keep this year. i want to preserve as much memory as i can. be it as a blog post, or a photo, or just a note i keep. i want to take a lot of pictures :)
new years eve was fun with friends, drinking and playing cards against humanity, as we all had to study a lot the next day we went home half an hour in the next year :D it was worth it though
for the next few days i had to study, on the 4th i went from conservative and i got the easiest 5 i have ever gotten. it was basically me telling my topic, a few questions which i answered and that was it, i was so shocked as it had never happened to me before.
the next day barna and i went home, altough i had crazy lot to study because i had exams on 10 and 11! anyways i am happy i went home, my grandparents were so proud of me i hope iāll never forget their faces how happy they were for a simple 5 in an exam. we had a really nice lunch with my parents and barna, we pre-ordered we wanted to eat goulash and pancakes :) after that i got back to debrecen i ate the remaining food.
the next day Dad came in to help Barna, while he was at work we did some shopping and for the next few days I was studying. it was really strange because i always felt i didnāt study enough, even on the day before I watched BBC War and Peace (6 hours!!).
on my pediatrics exam i experienced TKās suffering from the universe (aka Csongor). we donāt know what happened, but something must have happened, because neither before nor after we saw anything like it from him. he kept asking questions, not even related to the topic. i didnāt even know where should we know all those from, but Csongor was keep telling her that she went to high school, she had phisiology, biochemistry, internal medicine , she should know all this. after all she couldnāt even name the hormones of the hypophysis..which was a low point. he asked how she wanted to be called a doctor if she doesnāt know these basic facts. she started crying and he still had some questions she didnāt know the answer to, and after that he gave her a 2, and let her go. he congratulated her on a successfull exam after all it was a pass.. i came after her, i was nervous as shit, but nothing happened!! not even close! i told my topic and he let me go with a 5. i think it was karma, or at least iād like to think.
that afternoon i was VERY tired, and had no mood to study for next dayās exam, but i had to... eventually i gave up and realized i wouldnāt be able to study everything. luckily i picked two really good topics!!! thank god!! but of course i didnāt know any related questions, first because i was really tired to think, second because i didnāt study that much to have an overall look on the subject, so i got a 4! :-) i am really happy how this exam period turned out.
i met whith the shy resident guy!! he said hi and asked which exam i have, i told him it was oral medicine, and he asked if it wasnāt a 3rd year subject, and i told him no!! thatās oral biology!! he smiled and said ohh this is in place of perio, and i was like yeah!! āoh now i remember, good luck then :-))ā thank you bye!! :-) he was really sweet to stop for a moment
this is the earliest i have ever finished an exam period, and with such good grades! i am happy and blessed.
marica asked if i am angry with her, and i told her no because in reality i am pissed at her. she annoys me, just for the way she is. and every day she strengthens this opinion of mine..i donāt know what to do, of course she noticed i know i canāt act i donāt have a problem when i do have. itās just the little things which shouldnāt even matter.
Looking back on 2016
Looking back on 2016
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 1:What did you do in 2016 that youād never done before?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā idk really, itās sad. iāve had downs when i had to go to C chance from prostho. i think i did a lot of new things profession-wise but other than that nothing much.
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 2:Did you keep your new yearās resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā i didnāt have a new yearās resolution. this year (2017) i want to aim for my best self, as i become a dentist this year
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 3:Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā nope
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 4:Did anyone close to you die?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā no, thank godā¦
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 5:What countries did you visit?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā none
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 6:What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā love (itās sad, it was last years word too)
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 7:What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā first time in years i finished earlier in my exam period in the winter i did my first prostho work, for which i got like 8 books, all of them romantic novels from my really sweet patient dr. sweetlove flirted with me in klinika for which i fell in love with him, and after that we kept seeing each other with googly heart eyes dr. shyboy - i met him, and was kinda attracted to him all semester, all year the day i passed my ortho exam - i was crying all day for hours, dad was so worried about me, also because he couldnāt do anything spending my summer with dad at home that one day trip to the arboratory with mom in the fall going to see jesus christ superstar my brother passing the state exam :)
Ā Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 8:What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā iād like to think that my personality formed well
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 9:What was your biggest failure?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā studying wise a lot
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 10:Did you suffer illness or injury?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā no
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 11:What was the best thing you bought?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā birthday present for dora, a onsie
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 12:Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā mom
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 13:Whose behaviour made you appalled?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā my group leader in the fall semester
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 14:Where did most of your money go?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā food probably, and the body shop and that second hand shop
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 15:What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā getting a job for next year
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 16:What song will always remind you of 2016?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā rihanna maybe? :D idk
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā happier, thinner, richer
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 18:What do you wish youād done more of?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā loved more, went out more in the summer
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 19:What do you wish youād done less of?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā worry, laying in the bed doing nothing waiting for the day to end, cry
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 20:How did you spend Christmas?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā with family and eating
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 21:Did you fall in love in 2015?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā noooooooooo L
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 22:What was your favourite TV program?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā timeless,lucifer,this is us, homeland
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 23:Do you hate anyone now that you didnāt hate this time last year?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā no
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 24:What was the best book you read?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās sad
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 25:What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā spotify brings up all the best
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 26:What did you want and get?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā i didnāt want anything in particular
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 27:What did you want and not get?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā love :D
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 28:What was your favourite film of this year?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā finding nemo 2,
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the guy from oral surgery dr. sweetlove and the other shy doctor
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā getting there
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 31:What kept you sane?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā knowing that it will be all soon, and i just have to suffer through the hard part
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā the main character from timeless
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 33:What political issue stirred you the most?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā bombings
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 34:Who did you miss?
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā someone from beside me
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā you have to be honest with yourself and with everyone around you. this is the only way of having an inner peace. if you know what you want you can move towards it, but knowing it you have to be honest with yourself and not fool yourself. you should be thankful for your friends who sorround you and know that they are there for you even when you donāt see them.
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā idk
end of the year
2016 is almost over, and I just realized how long ago was my previous entry.
so today, christmas is just over.. it went so fine :-) only one day with the family but it was worth it. i got a really nice present from my parents, a childrenās book about life and death. it has touched my heart, really.
i want to write a bit about this semester, because i skipped all of it, and much happened.
we got dr. mehdi for our teacher, at first she was very harsh, and not symphatic at all. she told us she doesnāt have old patients, because she doesnāt like them, thatās why she doesnāt do RPDs either... it was very odd, and kind of depressing to hear, especially because i like the elderly.
weeks has passed, she had some weird stuff, but eventually sheās grown to like me more, than i her... i think sheās a really hard person to like, but once you know her youāll like her, and the same goes for her. once she sees who you really are she is very protective and loving..until then youāre no other than the next person. she invited me to work with her on our last practice, which was very kind of her, and very shocking for me..it was a good feedback on my work :) im thinking about accepting it.
the resident guy..the shy one. :) hm we assisted his group in the mornings, and he now knows me.. and on several occasions he tried to flirt with me, even though i know she has his weird looking girlfriend.. thatās why i tried to stop him, but you know what? i liked it. it was harmless and fun and nothing happened. i always looked forward to see him, and i still do. i added him on facebook, so my long lasting urge to know him is done. :D
on the other hand my oral surgery love is still staring at me.he is clearly looking for something. i would gladly give it to him. i really want to go out with him, even for a drink, just to get him know better.
and last thing: iāve decided. i want to be an oral surgeon. dentoalveolar oral surgeon. im hopeful.
a few months ->>> im dr.
2nd week
Trying to keep track of my life is harder than I thought, even tho I donāt do anything. Sometimes I get tired, but not that I wouldnāt have 10 minutes to type something about my day. So Iāll just try to summarize this past week and a half.
Iām not sure where I left with the previous entry, but now 2nd week of the practice have ended, with my favourite teacher NL. We found out that he graduated 12 years ago, which means he is at least 35 years old. It was an OK week, I met my love from oral surgary 2 times this week, and now he clearly recognizes me, and knows who I am, Iām gonna get to the end of this. I have to do something about him. Forget him or act on my feelings. Anyhow, the 5th year gonna bring me the answers.
I usually see that resident guy I really like aswell, heās always so shy with saying hi, which is kinda cute, makes me kinda tingly. :P
About the summer: I am really concerned about my legs, future me , you know why. Also my weight. I donāt want to develop an eating disorder, but I feel like I am on the track. I feel really bad after eating a good meal, and always counting how much should I eat.
Mom and Dad are fine, Grandma and Grandpa I am worried about. Hopefully theyāll be fine.
Maybe I should continue the one sentiment a day thingy.
Dora got engaged to his boyfriend. I donāt know about you, future me, but Iām pissed. Heās clearly not for her, heās hardly ideal to anyone. Anyhow I couldnāt even congratulate I was shocked, I think Iāll never forget that moment she told me. I donāt know how to act when heās mentioning him, and now itās even harder. I feel like heās fooling her, lurin her in some kind of trap, tricking her into thinking their relationship has a future. They wouldnāt get married until Dora gets her degree, and if so, why bother getting engaged so soon? What does he have to prove? Why is he doing this? Anyhow, this is ridicoulous.
I know Iām not to say anything about relationships. I donāt know anything about them, not from far. I never had any serious (or not serious) relationships, I donāt know how they work, but I figure this much: itās not how this guy does it.

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First day of 4th year practice
In the next post I1m going to write about the exam period. It was exhausting, and I had a lot of mixed feelings.
Today was the first day of my 4th year practice. It was a strange feeling. 2 years ago I was here, on the assisting practice, adoring the 4th years students. Watching their moves and listening to their stories, and now Iām on the other end. I hope I can help the assisting students as much I can and give them some good advice.
The teachers are pretty good!! Ms. Sz M, Mr. N L my love :D, Ms. T. I, aka Ms Piggy and Mr. P. L the future dean :D
There are only 3 hungarian students and itās weird, why only 3 of us chose this as our practice place, however in 4th year there were like a TON of students. We are running low on members in the year, but itās still not much. I remember, 2 years ago I was really tired, my legs hurt, now Iām almost as exhausted, however I didnāt do much.
I hope I can learn... Today Iāll go to the gym, too
april 13th
yesterday we were assisting again, and i just checked if i have written anything about the resident guy in the previous post...and of course i did. my eyes are always on boys...somehow.
i saw his girlfriend ans sheās really not pretty. i tried not to be mean but sheās not special at all. and he was so nice to me yesterday...altough he looks like he really likes his girlfriend which is of course good...but come on. so i tried to be nice to him, and he was nice to me. and i caught him looking at me ;) he was asking me stuff how do we say things in english so it was nice. and we did have a strange looking at each other when we were discussing an x ray and he looked back to me and didnāt expect me to be so close, and i didnāt expect him to look back so we were like really close. and he looked in my eye and got really nervous and looked away quickly. he was so cute.
i was thinking about what if he thinks of me when heās with his girlfriend.
i saw him today too, and he was really careful not to look at me, but he did notice me...it was weird but....whatever i donāt know him or why he does things.
i had 3 cups of today.
somethingās starting. i hope itās studying and not just wasting time with more energy. :D
see u next time
marc 29th, idk which post
8th week. yesterday was easter monday, friday is my birthday.
I should be studying, perio stuff. I am really tired....idk what to do. I think I like this new resident guy. Heās making me go crazy, but heās so cute. I like him. Heās the perfect height for me. He works with the prostho department, and he just finished uni last year. So he may be 2 to 4 years older than me. Perfect. I really want to get to know him, just enough so I can decide if heās a no go or a go go.
We had our last assistance day a month ago, and then he was there aswell....and I was hoping that today heās going to come, and he did. and I was sooooo happy. I think Iām going to say hi from now on when we meet. He did look at me with wanting to say hi. How nice itād be if he didnāt have a girlfriend, I could fuck it up myself :D
Easter was horrible, with my birthday coming up my parents wanted to buy me a golden ring, and I said no, partly because I donāt wear any rings or bracelets. Then they told me to choose an earring, but I didnāt want them to spend so much money on an aerring. Iām not materialistic girl, but I know I hurt my parents with refusing their gift. Then my mom was acting up about it, and it made me cry, because I tried to explain to them why I didnāt want it, but instead my mom hurt me aswell, so I just ended up crying in my room, and falling asleep early for 4 days, and waiting to get back to Debrecen.
I hope nothing bad happens in the coming days, I donāt want to ruin my birthday asweell. I stress too much, itās not good. Iāll write more tomorrow? Promise.
19th entry
2016 March 6th.
Jesus, I should have written a long time ago. Okay, so where to start. Last post was on december 26th, so I guess Iāll write a few words about New yearsās Eve.
It was a last minute, well not last minute but we havenāt really planned anything other than studying, but then I went over to Dóri, to celebrate, and it turned out to be a really fun evening. I liked it, and it was so far the best new yearās Iāve been to as I can remember, nothing fancy, just us hanging out. Iāve never liked new years, because of the pressure it puts on you to have fun!! this is the last day of the year!! new beginning, it must be great!!..well no, not when itās in the exam period.
Okay, so I guess I know why I havenāt kept up with this diary throughout January, I pretty much studied all day, and went to the gym. So I had 8 exams, failed one by my love, but I went back to him and he gave me a 5. Anyway, I finished a week and a half earlier, and thatās when I should have written something, but I didnāt.
New semester started, I have a new teacher now at complex, sheās nice but Iām not very sure sheās going to stay this way.Ā Everythingās going fine these days, I still miss having someone, I donāt know why I canāt fall in love with anyone. Marica told me the first day we got back to school that she got together with a boy, because the guy saw Marica and he liked her, they went on dates and boom they are together, like what the ...does this happen?? well obviously not to me. Iām happy she found someone, I just canāt help thinking about myself..yeah I know, selfish.
Thereās a girl and a boy with Erasmus studying with us now, and I try to help them a lot, the guy looks fineee :P but I havenāt talked to him yet to know if heās nice or not.
I saw a fucking handsome guy at the gym yesterday, he looked like Mr. G, my favourite oral surgeon and I almost had an AMI on the steps, and he kept looking at me and it was flattering...I was so happy I had a good skin day :P
Oh and something I wanted to write: there was a dental party on the 3rd week, and it was going on nicely as it always does, and then a gorgeous looking guy stepped to me and said the worst line ever:Ā āyou look like youāre the type Ā of girl who takes care of their friends not to drink so muchā and i laughed terribly because he just didnāt know, i told him i probably drink as much as all my friends combined and he seemed impressed...i donāt know if thatās the trait i want to impress guys in the future. anyway we chatted, then i left, and did not regret it ever since, on the contrary i am happy i didnāt clinge onto him like i did with Mr. G...
I sent a friend request to Mr. G, and guess what, now weāre friends. thank god i Ā wasnāt there when he saw who sent the request. (āwtf, whoās this one?ā)
18th entry
Itās december 26th.
I am grateful for my family. I love them. Xmas was fun, itās a lot different than it was when I was a kid but I still love it just the same. I went home to see my grandparents aswell. I am worried because my granddad is not in a good shape, and because of this neither is my grandma. I so wish they would get better!!
Ok so the semester sort of ended, exams begin, and I just want to say some thing about this semester. First of all: Cinti is the biggest surprise. She told me a few days ago sheās going to thank God that I was lead into her life and that we became such good friends. And we really did. We just care about each other and it happened so quickly, I mean 4 months? thatās insane. I am grateful for her, because I didnāt really have new friends in the past few years, and I kept losing my old friends. Not only by their fault.. we just didnāt asked about one another.
The semester was drastic, dramatic etc. I learned so much just by being in the field and working a few hours every week. Now I really have to study for my exams, I probably wonāt get tuition but ...Iām sort of OK with that.
No guys,...still..thereās that foreign guy who keeps liking my insta photos and showed genuine interest in me keeps poking my mind..I mean why would he do that? And thereās still that old crush I share with my friend. I keep thinking about sending a friend request. What do I wait for? I mean itās christmas so Iāll probs wait a few more days. :D
Everyoneās getting engaged at christmas!! what the fuck?? why? If anyone would want to ask me on christmas I would be so mad!! Thatās already a fucking holiday man. I donāt want my engagement day to be at christmas?! how would I celebrate it? It could be a brand new day in mid May and we could celebrate it every year with a date night or something! Itās horrible.
I feel so sick just by thinking about this, why does it bother me? Am I so dry and pessimistic I canāt be happy for someone else?...who knows! :D
I just read my plans for this year, I mean for 2015, and I think I accomplished a lot of things. I learned a lot, partied a lot, had fun, laughs, made new friends, kept the old ones...and I think Iāve grown a lot. I just mentioned it to Cinti the other day, that I might not be friends with her if our practice would have been a year ago. Because I would not have been this mentality. Iād like to think I changed a lot, but probably not.
I still say I hate everyone, but in reality I donāt. I just dislike them in huge groups when no oneās acting as they are really, because everyone wants to fit in. But when Iām with them one on one I like them so much. Well not everybody obviously...future me knows it probably aswell who they are...
Dorka has a new boyfriends, I mean new that this year and itās bugging me in a way? They must be nice ,,anyway this must be that mentality of me being a dry pussy. So leave it.. Dóri is not talking to me, as it happened this year already ..so Iām just giving her the silent treatment again. Sometimes I ask her stuff but anyways she just donāt know nothing of me. Nothing....sooo Iām very super upset about that.. thatās all for now..Iām going back to studying.

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17th entry
I missed a lot of entries again. I just really want to write about this week. I feel it should be well memorised, and not forgotten. I really liked this week and I liked myself in this week. Iāll tell you why.
Last Sunday I decided that on the 12th week I will not get angry, I will be chill and balanced. I will focus on the things that really matter: Friday and Saturday.
On Friday we celebrated my most meaningful friendships I have. Csilla, Betti, Szilvike and my very best friend Dóri. I will not say that my other friends are nothing like them, but these 4 girls mean so much to me, because we share so many nice memories that nothing will come close to it. We spent our high school years together mostly laughing through our 4 years. And for us to celebrate it together after 3 years is such a meaningful present to me, and Iām not even a birthday girl. And the most special gift was Betti of all. I was so happy she was there. We canāt see much of her lately, but Iām happy sheās back in my life, because I missed her terribly. (it makes me so emotional Iām on the edge of crying) It wasnāt exactly the night I imagined, it could have been better in many ways, but after all I will remember it just as beautiful as it was, and as our years together are. Laughing, drinking, loving each other.
Saturday my brother became a doctor. We knew it for a while heās going to get there, but the time was uncertain for long. And now that is here I couldnāt be more proud of him. I still remember the Sunday afternoons when everyone was shouting as he was getting ready to come back to the university. Those were some stressful weekends, but looking back it makes my cry and laugh at the same time. I was so little I didnāt even know what he was doing there, but I remember that I was also so proud to mention to my friends that my brother goes to university. And after all these years as I am on the path to be a doctor myself, I am even more proud.
I am happy.
For a lot of things actually...but for now I am happy for my friends, and for my big brother...and that I remained balanced and I didnāt let anything get me down all week. I was tired but thankful for having them in my life.
Thatās all for now.
16th entry
Okay so I missed a lot of entries. The previous one was on the 4th week and in two days time itās already the 10th week.
Today I went to the gym and studied. Thatās all.
So what happened in the last few weeks. I want to be completeley honest, because when Iāll read it back I want to know exactly how I felt at this time. So this semester is harder than I thought. I havenāt given much credit to it but it is hard, I donāt have as much free time as I want to , and Iām always tired to study on weekdays.
Ok so about studying and school: I always feel I should know a lot more than I already am and that Iām so behind on everything. The practice is horrible, and itās not because of me, but Iām the one who sucks... My teacher is all kinds of asshole and itās horrible to work with. I feel I donāt learn anything, and Iām wasting this semester on this idiot. I know I should learn on my own then, but the potential!! There are patients on whom I could study and learn, and instead itās just suffering through 4 hours of this-and-that.
Cinti and I get along really well, we mostly talk over the same stuff all the time, but we chat a lot. Every day even for hours sometimes. And yesterday she told me she would be devestated if she lost me as someone she can talk to about stuff she canāt discuss with anyone else. And that sheās happy she found me. And it made me feel so happy, and appreciated.
Ildi asked me to go shopping with her, because she needed my advice. :-) It was nice of her, and I will go, but sheās getting on my nerves lately. I hope I can discuss it with her.
I miss Regina a lot, sheās on holiday and we havenāt talked in a long time, and I miss a good laugh with her and her thoughts on stuff. I really like talking through things with her..I actually never thought weād be this close.
And about that thing....I have a crush on him,too... and it doesnāt pain me to talk about it with her, I mean that she has a crush on him. I donāt see them together, so itās like fantasy for her (as it is for me) but itās meaningless so it doesnāt bother me... but I do want him to recognize me, to see him more often, to chat maybe or something. I know itās stupid, but a few weeks ago I really wanted someone to think of and now that I have I donāt really like it because the reality is so far away.
I should write more often, even what happened to me this week.
Maybe I can recall what happened this week. Monday: I went to surgery class, not as bad as I thought it would be, than waited a long time with Kitti, Fanni and Evi for the next class which turned out to be cancelled. Then I headed home for lunch and went back to dermatology which was OK. Kitti tried to convince me to go to her place on Wednesday to drink and to goĀ to a party afterwards and I really didnāt want to. After class I went to the gym. When I got home I tried to study some ortho for next dayās practice but I just couldnāt. Tuesday: I should have studied more the previous day, because the ortho class was horrible and worse than that. We found out how little we know of the subject, I donāt know nothing of it. Really Afternoons practice was even worse...letās not recall it. It wasnāt my fault though.. Wednesday: was OK, had all the classes, which was new..then I got home...I donāt think I studied but I probably did something. Maybe I chatted with Cinti I guess, then I went to English class. I got my results back, and I scored 97% on the test I havenāt studied for. So thank god. Thursday: Nothing interesting in the morning, in the afternoon I had pharmacology test, which was a group test probably. I sat in the first row and still managed to copy, or find every answer...not always the best, but it should be good. I planned to go to gym lately but I skipped and had some macaroni instead. Friday: Best practice with best teacher ever. I love him, really. Not in a romantic way but heās so nice and kind. He let us go after 1,5 hours which is crazy good. Then Marica and I went to the oral surgery department to get her sutures removed. It was nice to see that we only have to wear the right clothes and we get stuff done in 6 minutes or less. Mom and I went to our shop and bought some clothes, then I was planning to go the gym but I felt sick all afternoon and evening. Saturday: today, I felt so much better, went to gym and studied...
Oh one last thing I wanted to mention: two maybe but I will write about the dental party tomorrow. So Kitti really wants to be friends with me. She feels that I might not hate her as much as everybody else does, and the fact that Cinti and I get along so well makes her feel safe that she can be comfortable with me too. She tries really hard, and I donāt want to reject her roughly because that might hurt Cinti, but I donāt want to be close to Kitti because I donāt trust her at all and frankly I donāt want anyone to think that Iām close to her. She would be a bad influence on anyone, and a negativity in anyoneās life. So for Cinti I donāt hate her, but for myself I distance myself from her.