when the sun sets

you feel like a dream. one that I see at night, and one that I imagine during the day. it doesn't feel real still. maybe my dissociation has worsened. perhaps this is grievance, I would think particularly worse when they're still alive. it's the choice to avoid, to leave, to abandon, to completely disappear from each other's worlds. it's like I'm not really here and nothing I do matters anymore so I don't know what I'm doing quite honestly, but you do. you continue to live your life, travel, meet new people, and I'm watching from a far away lens hoping it's never going to be better than your time with me... but I know that's not true. in fact, I fear that within the last 4 months you've already filled up my void with someone else. you no longer grieve over me because you found I wasn't worth your time sooner than later. there is no room left for potential with me as we experienced as much as we could have. I know you'll continue to live your life and it'll be as if like I just don't matter anymore. not saying I ever did, but I won't cross your mind. you dont care what I think. my period in your life has ended, but yours has not ended in mine. I think I will continue to think of you every day, in everything, no matter if it's months or years from now. somewhat of a distant figure, but I can't let you go. I still love you, love, and your name still shows up in my autocorrect after every "I love you always". that won't change.

love always. 🤍