death to false ambience

Ten years ago i was binge watching black mirror and today my friend who models told me about how Adidas wants to make a 3d ai model of her body to keep indefinitely, and a weed dealer kept looking over his shoulder last night because "the police keep having these drones follow me on my bike" and my great aunt turned 80 and made us all sing an AI song about her life as my brother and i cringed but complied and my god can this fucking stop

Today was nothing but mundane errands and a hangover from hell, but yesterday i was at work doing cartwheels out in the sun with the kids at school, reading fic on my kindle while the kids had quiet reading time, helping my neighbors get a trapped sparrow out from the stairwell, hurrying to a daytime event where my friends were djs for a 500 person crowd with me as their booth bitch on stage (mainly dancing, taking pics, fetching water), heading over to a house party, dancing in the garden under fairy lights for hours, getting my [retracted] sucked by a dyke and [retracted] [so retracted] until some people walked in on me sitting on the sink with my legs wrapped around her head, then walking through the city back home listening to a high school playlist before passing out in my bed🌷

Two people walked in on me getting head from a dyke a party 🧍‍♀️

Ran into a colleague at a bar i was drunk at and accidentally set my hair on fire infront of him and his friends while trying to lit a cigarette. Was very embarrassed about it but now he invited me to two parties to i think we're good

Last weekend at a rave i met this really cool beautiful funny woman who lamented being 34 at a rave and how "you guys are probably babies right?" Which caused me and my (lesbian) friend to -- for the first time since probably 1st grade, trying to impress 2nd graders -- said we were 24 going on 25 and "i'll be 26 in november"

The US is a holdout on the completely unironic high fives front