Writing blog of poetry, translyrics, and stories.
Please check the tags for trigger warnings!!
Original content + translyrics will be posted here; fanworks will be reblogged from my main (@crescynnt)
Accepting requests!
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After years of running
After years of hiding
I'm back here again
Waiting, watching, learning
Grasping onto the miniscule hope that this will all end
Tumbling, crumbling, crushing you to dust
Like the fate of the souls you devoured
As I stand behind you, with nothing more than a look of mild disgust
My naivety thought I could change
It's ironic, isn't it?
The dreams from my childhood to fit in
Were what turned me into a misfit
But belonging doesnât come easily
With a target on your back and secrets you couldn't share
You'd only attract scavengers,
For the world doesn't know the meaning of 'fair'
So with this final stand
I'll pierce my demon's heart
Along with my own
For these wretched dreams will only pull me apart
After years of running
After years of pretending
We've crossed our paths again
Waiting, watching, hurting
Grasping onto the miniscule hope that I won't become
The final villain of your tragedy
Or one of the reasons you've turned into
This cold shell drowned in apathy
My naivety thought happiness could be
Free; a way for me to restart,
Yet you all paid my debt in blood
As I stood there, watching you be torn apart
Forgive me for thinking I could save
Even one of you from her hand
But now that it's come to this,
I'm still her second-in-command.
So with this final stand,
I'll correct my first mistake,
And end this pain
That she has left in my wake.
If the path to your heart,
Isn't through love or affection,
But with unacquitted devotion
Worshipping the 'you' you've put on display,
I'll imprint the phrase, 'your way or the highway'
Until I've learned to play the part.
If the path to my heart,
Is filled with thorns and withering flowers
I'll show it's within your power,
To break through the frost I've accumulated
And find the rose still hidden, unsated
So please, save what's fallen apart.
Where did I go wrong?
What did I do to create this?
Why was any of this meant to happen,
Why did they want to drag us all into the abyss?
The tight web of friendship we wove,
Was too easily broken,
Over the course of two short days,
Just because we were too outspoken
Or at least, thatâs what they claimed,
A typical, âYou didnât let us join, so weâll destroy you,â
We didnât think much of it,
Until we saw what they could do
We were a pretty tight-knit group,
But that didnât stop them from completing their goal,
Unspoken words lay between us,
Leading them to find their loophole
Their first was more of a test,
Just to see how weâd react,
We were all confused about how they knew so much,
But now we know, it was a hack
iloveninja18âs job is in its name,
Stir up some trouble about something we hid,
So much so we turned on ourselves,
Our own secrets popped off the lid
Then it was only a matter of time,
Through clones and confusion, we were separated,
Blaming each other for our own flaws
While the real culprits lay in the darkness and waited
Fatima and Pat were the first to go dark,
Leaving only me and John to hold the reins,
But this collapsing friendship turned on us,
Until they were nothing more than my own chains
And after all that, it wonât be the same,
Perhaps thatâs for the best, for if we meet again,
Weâll only be reminded of the fragile strings we thought was a strong bond,
And itâll be better if I'm the only one whoâll hold the pain.
If looks could kill,
I'd be dead so many times over.
If words could hurt,
Wouldn't I be bleeding out, with nothing left over?
For someone like me, so different from you,
So weak, so hopelessly pathetic, how you made me out to be,
Then I'll do my best to prove you wrong,
To prove all of you wrong, by becoming the next great calamity
One against the believers of a magic that could protect,
Two against the village who saw too much,
Three against the shrines of the deceivers on a holy throne,
Four against the statues of those who wronged,
One day you'll know
Of the mistakes you made
When you made me your enemy.
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In a world so dark and scary,
I made a light for myself.
In a world that hates and shuns me,
I've found acceptance in myself.
The world is moving so fast around me,
I'm caught up in the very mess they told me to stay away from
But it's so exciting, to be treated like royalty-
'S so much better than the slums
So, what's this danger they warned me about?
Don't talk to the King, don't let him know
But if I'd done so sooner,
Maybe things wouldn't have been so bad.
'Though the others may just misunderstand,
I'll jus' tell 'em the truth, no need to confound,
For I'm just searchingâŠ
For those I've lost and for those I've found.
If strength and numbers were all that mattered,
I don't want any part in your way of life.
If land and power could feed us all,
Maybe I'd be better off leading this strife.
The road to victory turned heads
Some towards me, some off their necks,
Yet no matter the support, the cause, the fervor
Were enough to turn your subjects.
Strength, numbers, land, power,
If I'm really fighting for what's right,
Why won't my stars align?
Where's my answer in this futile plight?
The answer I found wasn't one I hoped,
But it offered what I couldn't, a relief for my band
So I made a deal with the devil
To bring about the peace of a new land
After years of running
After years of hiding
I'm back here again
Waiting, watching, learning
Grasping onto the miniscule hope that this will all end
Tumbling, crumbling, crushing you to dust
Like the fate of the souls you devoured
As I stand behind you, with nothing more than a look of mild disgust
My naivety thought I could change
It's ironic, isn't it?
The dreams from my childhood to fit in
Were what turned me into a misfit
But belonging doesnât come easily
With a target on your back and secrets you couldn't share
You'd only attract scavengers,
For the world doesn't know the meaning of 'fair'
So with this final stand
I'll pierce my demon's heart
Along with my own
For these wretched dreams will only pull me apart
Out of so many, why did it have to be you?
An arrest that shouldn't be,
At an age too young to do any harm
Three months
they hurt you more than you could have ever done to them
Six months
back again for the same offense,
And now you're gone again.
Three times
they came for you
Three times
they blamed the rocks
Three times
they pulled us apart
And yet--
Life moves on without you,
'til I'm numb to your fading presence
Only out for those brief times
but they stack
and stack
Can we break the cycle-
This intrusive, unwelcome routine-
So we may once again obtain
A relationship resembling "family"?
For who were you?
best friends, no more, no less
And who did you become?
a silent stranger
That's all.
Based on this article (written for the contest, but I don't think my teacher ever sent my poem to be judged so I'll just post it on my dead social media account instead):
Eleven-year-old Maysa* admires her older sister Ayaan*. Like many 17-year-olds, Ayaan is busy with work, friends, and school, but makes time
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I was with you again, in a field of flowers. Despite all the colors surrounding us, the only one that mattered was you, a silver lily shining through the chaos.
"Hey..." I started, trying to break the agonizing silence, but was met with nothing, not even a single sound from you. As if you were purposefully trying to ignore me. Uncomfortable, I shuffled away from you, deciding to watch you from afar.
You looked lonely, yet you didn't accept my company. Like a single fish, floating in your bowl. Happily in your own little world, unaware of your surroundings. Tears welled up inside me. If only...
A single unsaid word lay between us, one I've been trying to voice since that day.
Sorry.
Yet even now, in this fake reality, the word tangled up into a lump in my throat. Unable to cough it up, I fell to my knees. The lump grew, suffocating me until nothing else could come out.
I couldn't make a sound, watching you sit there through my tears, blissfully unaware of my silent struggle.
. . .
Yet again, I had that dream. Jerking up, I felt a familiar tug on my back, reminding me of the harrowing reality. Feeling my movement, it 'woke up' too.
Ever since that day, I was entrapped to this robotic, box-headed, expressionless demon. It's the only way I could live, in a life where pain and memories were synonymous. In a life where, if my emotions ever got out of control, the demon would take over, reducing me to nothing more than a dancing toy just like how I was that day.
It didn't prove itself to be a problem, but it was a constant reminder of you.
. . .
We first met in my hospital room.
Our town had been destroyed from a surprise attack, along with nearly everyone in it, except the two of us. I was one of the more introverted children in the town, there wasnât anyone I had talked to for more than a few moments. Barely anyone knew me. Yet when you'd heard that I had survived the attack as well, you rushed to my room to keep me company along with a gift of Rubia Argyi. You seemed to like the red color the roots created, despite the white, stainless petals.
But behind those flowers were you.
I was mesmerized by you from the moment I saw you.
You were the only person who had willingly came up to me, instead of the reverse.
My heart had suffered during the attack, but you were fixing it, piece by piece.
The way you spoke, your pink lips moving confidently.
The way you always had a smile on your face, despite all the troubles.
The way your hands expertly cut out shapes from paper, presenting them with a proud expression.
The way they smoothly traced the pages of your book as you sat beside me.
The way they gently smoothened the creases of the wrinkled petals.
You were the only color in this world of darkness.
I was pulled along by you, a slave to each of your whims.
I tried copying your motions, but could never imitate your gracefulness.
I tried out the things you liked, trying to find a solace for myself while you were away.
I tried looking away, be my own self, but could never help getting drawn back to you.
But even so, I could never understand the real you, behind your smiles.
A few weeks later, we couldnât stay at the hospital anymore. We had lives to lead, people to meet, things to do.
In the early morning mist, weâd said our goodbyes, going down our own paths.
. . .
A broken vase is by my side, filled with the dried flowers you used to carry.
My hands traced the edges of the glass, accidentally cutting myself on the edges. A drop of red blood swelled from the cut, staining another dead petal. By now, the pale petals had been dyed pink by my blood, but the pain usually helps me from reliving these memories.Â
The cherry sound of your voice still rings in my head, clear as day. Your face is etched in my memory, still alive in my mind. Your presence had brightened up my life, but now with you gone, Iâve sunk back down to melted indigo.
I canât take this anymore. I went outside, hoping for a solace from the thoughts rushing back towards me.Â
. . .
Weâd met together again, at the place where weâd said our goodbyes. It wouldâve been better if Iâd kept it at that. Better if Iâd quit while I was ahead, start my own life without you.
I still couldn't break that mask of yours. But I was certain I was on the right track. A few years passed since the incident, and I was barely scraping by with multiple bills overdue.
You looked at me with sympathetic pity. As if I was something you had to save. As if I was helpless.
âYou could live with me,â you whispered, stiffly. As if I was forcing you to say it. It didnât sit right with me. I shouldnât be the one to force your decisions.
"Enough about me. How about you?" I asked, fishing for something, anything that could direct the conversation away.
You gave me a soft smile hidden behind a few white hand-picked flowers, "I've been thinking... about our town." Ever since that day, we had never gone back there, scared our old buried memories would resurface.Â
I shook my head firmly. No. It was gone. What good would it do to go back? What good would it do to relive those memories again?
âPlease,â you looked at me pleadingly, seeing my hesitation. âLetâs go back together.â I could see it in your eyes. You needed to do this. And you needed me there with you.
I relented. Maybe it was time to face it. Time to remember, to learn from the past. If itâs for you, Iâd do it.
And so, we went back to the ashes that used to be our town.
Back to the field of Rubia Argyi, where you had died.
. . .
On the swingset, hugging my knees in a poor attempt to replicate your warmth.
The demon was beside me, but it was only an imposter trying to fill the hole you left behind. Trying to fill the hole that was my heart.
I wish I could've been you that day. If only our fates were swapped.
. . .
A few meters above the destruction, on the cliff surrounding the town. The regular entrance was fully unusable, debris blocking our way from entering normally. You bowed your head respectfully, a serene expression on your face.Â
Beside you, the memories replayed themselves relentlessly in my mind. White petals strewn on the ground. Red blood splattered across the walls. And in the middle of it all, was you. Still with that smile on your face. The only expression Iâve ever seen on you.
So that was the 'you' I had been searching for. Someone who'd moved on when I could not. Your smiles werenât a mask. It was âacceptanceâ.
I felt the rage build up inside me, letting it explode into my words. "Donât you remember?â I cried, desperate to hold onto the image I had of you. But it had already shattered into a million pieces. All the pent up anger I had towards the attackers, to the world, and even to you came boiling up into my head. The edges of my vision blurred, darkened into midnight black, my heart thumping loudly in my ears.
Thump, thump, thump.
One, two, three.
Onetwothree, onetwothree.
A hand swung out, although I had no awareness of ever moving it, grabbing your arm. You quickly broke away, backing away from me slowly. Your eyes widening, reflecting something that was not me. Not the real me.
But rather a dancing toy activated by my anger.
. . .
Itâs suffocating.
I couldnât remember when I had fallen off the swing, lying with a hand covering my eyes from the sun. My demon was beside me, just out of sight, imitating my position.
I wanted to scream, but no sound came out. Tears were threatening to spill out again. The sun was too bright, burning my eyes. How did it come to this?
I only tried to understand you at first. It was a hopeless endeavor, and before I knew it, youâd taken up too much of my life. And now Iâm left with these faint wisps of memory that keep repeating itself. Repeating that day.
But I canât say I regret all thatâs happened. I donât.
. . .
A rock.
It was a simple pebble, barely larger than my fist.
Yet it meant all the difference that day.
In the split second you had been distracted by me, your left foot hooked onto the end of the rock. You were rolling down the cliff and into the destruction, but I was frozen in place, too shocked and angry to make a move to stop you. To save you.
The flowers you were holding had slipped from your hands before youâd fallen, their white petals staining the dirty green grass. Once I could move again, I rushed to pick them up, sliding down the edge after you.
The first thing I saw was a streak of blood, delicately lining the edges of a wooden plank.
It was fresh, still dripping off the edge into a field of stubborn, familiar white flowers, partially stained by your blood. Many more planks were piled on top, disturbed by a sudden force.
Immediately, I knew what had happened.
My heartbeat started going berserk again, emotions welling up inside me. I didnât dare get close. If my emotions get set off again⊠if Iâd confirmed your death⊠I didnât know what would happen.
My shaky hands found a glass bottle close to where Iâd landed. It was merely cracked, a miracle considering everything, and I stuffed the flowers inside. I held the bottle close, the broken glass slicing into my fingers as I fell down to my knees, tears subconsciously falling down. Embracing the bottle imaging as if you were right there, with me.
I could feel my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. At this point, there was no way to piece it back together, with you gone.
Time flew by before I knew it. The sun was already starting to set, and Iâd cried all my tears away. But I couldnât just climb out. I was far too weak; couldnât even hold myself steady.
A hand reached down to me. Not a normal, fleshy hand, but rather electronic. A low âwhirrâ of gears sounded from underneath some fabric, some fraying sections sewn together by only a few loose stitches. It was slightly transparent, as if it could disappear by just a touch.
I looked up, only to see a black box attached to the rest of what looked like a body made of the same material. But at the spot where its heart was supposed to be was completely empty.
I shakily reached up, taking its hand. It felt just like yours had, that day when weâd first met.
The hand clasped around mine, an electric current running through me. It pulled me up slowly, so slowly that I worried my arm would fall off by the time we got back up.Â
I stared back at the rubble, lost in thought. The demon kneeled down beside me, as if waiting for something.Â
âIâm sorry,â I started, talking to no one in particular, âI just⊠wasnât in control of myself, I never meant for this to happen, I justâŠ!â I didnât even know what I was saying anymore. It was just a mess of words, words that meant nothing, words that couldnât bring you back. Words that werenât ever going to piece my heart back up. UnlessâŠ
The demon didnât have a heart. And I had a broken one. âCan youâŠ?â I didnât know how to turn it into words. Something like this⊠wasnât it too much of a request for someone like me?
Is it even alright for me to be living right now?
You had died, and I was only a broken shell without you.
I couldnât be sure of anything anymore. My hand was stinging from the cut, but I reached out, holding the demon close. If this was the only way I could prevent what had happened today, I had to try.
The demon closed its arms around me, sealing the deal.
I watched your blood blur from my vision as I left you.
. . .
Is it alright for me to live?
The phrase keeps filling my mind, my thoughts.
This worthless existence without youâŠ
As it is, how nice would it be, if I could be you.
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