โฑ ห๏ฝกโ โช ๐HE ๐OOD ๐LACE ๐๐ ... ( a collection of dialogue prompts from season one of the 2016-2020 show the good place. adjust phrasing / gendered terms as necessary, mature themes present. )
oh, one question: where am i, who are you, and whatโs going on?
cool. cool. i have some questions.
are you sure you want to hear?
youโll stand by my side no matter what, right?
promise me. say it: โi promise i will never betray you for any reason.โ
i mean, you do get how thatโs worse, right?
maybe itโs notโฆ ACTUALLY all that bad.
iโm just asking you to fudge a little bit!
okay, thatโs really specific and makes me think that you definitely did do that.
what a condescending bitch.
letโs just face it, [ NAME ], you donโt belong here!
this is a putrid, disgusting bowl of ethical soup.
that was my first time as a fashion โdonโtโ and i was NOT here for it.
youโre the most self - obsessed person iโve ever met.
time to pick a designated driver.
before you say anythingโฆ thatโs it, i just donโt want you to say anything.
weโre gonna bang it out.
okay, i wonโt let you downโฆ starting now.
remind me what iโm getting out of this again?
oh, so NOW iโm supposed to be nice and make friends?
iโm telling you, [ NAME ]'s out to get me.
iโve got something you could slip into.
of course, the opposite might be true.
huh! what do you think that means?
throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire.
good people make me insecure.
i would LOVE not to listen to you.
thatโs a very, very bad idea. do NOT be yourself.
i said a lot of other nice things. toughen up, nerd.
itโs nothing, itโs a tiny little inconvenience.
dude, youโre hiding something! whatโs wrong?
whatโs wrong, whatโs wrong, whatโs wrong, whatโs wrong?
what have you done to me, you monster?
get your story straight, bro.
you have nothing to prove. not to anybody.
i know weโll never be soul mates, but weโre friends.
iโve never actually done this before, it was a theoretical fantasy -
โdEspitE yOuR cONsTaNt MocKerY ~โ
i once posed as a hot prom date for my cousin.
i even watched all ten seasons of the show โfriendsโ.
if i feel sympathy for anybody, itโs [ NAME ].
you devious little monster, you.
you have a very โpsycho burnout guy mumbling to himself at a library computerโ type of vibe.
this is gonna help both of us!
we should keep our eyes peeled for twigs who may have a nefarious agenda.
i just ethicsโd you in the face!
lies are like tigers... they are BAD.
we need to cancel this party immediately.
why do bad things always happen to mediocre people?
the ends justify the means.
what are you talking about?? โ itโs SO easy to live with a lie.
iโm not supposed to be here.
you forgot your own birthday?
alright, i will. for you.
canโt we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on?
can weโฆ skip around, and circle back?
why is everyone so jealous of me?
oh, hello โ you look like a piece of crap.
hey now, come on, letโs not insult people.
somebody made a person out of wet mulch and dead slugs, and thatโs you.
did you two go to pound town?
iโm better than i used to be.
alright, i have to ask. is this thing gonna happen? you and me?
you need to stand up for yourself!
youโre barely even a regular, functioning person!
woah woah woah, you think iโm into [ NAME ]?
i need to step outside forโฆ some air. i will not be back forโฆ many days.
why are you so nice to me?
well, the nightmare continues.
thatโsโฆ not great for my case.
iโve ruled the fart inadmissible as evidence.
now iโm bored. walking is dumb.
iโm gonna need a drinkโฆ or three.
i only cared about making money and doing cocaine.
thereโs no time for any of that morality nonsense, sweetheart.
this way, i donโt owe you anything โ you donโt owe me anything.
we MUST remain emotionless. iโm talking kristen stewart on the red carpet.
please, iโm begging you, please.
does your brain work, actually? do you have a functioning head?
sorry, [ NAME ], but i canโt let us leave.
what are you DOING, you goon?
thatโs what you think hell is?
itโs scary, like the movie ratatouille.
i was definitely expecting some applause.
in my opinion, which is objective fact in this case and all cases everโฆ
iโm not going, i donโt wanna.
it is literally impossible for me to do that.
well โ itโs been real, dawg.
i feel like iโve failed you.
i was dropped into a cave, andโฆ you were my flashlight.
we can be together, away from everyone else.
holy motherforking shirtballs.
you ruined everything, you know that?
i was so close to pulling it off!
this place is a filthy dumpster of our worth anxieties.
iโm surrounded by people who are literally better than me.
this was supposed to be my big moment!
dammit, [ NAME ]. you are the WORST, and you can suck it.
you had no idea i was gonna do that!
yeah, that came out of nowhere.
ohโฆ but it didnโt matter. because my motivations were corrupt.
thereโs something you donโt know about me.
the only thing you succeeded in doing was bringing us all together.
if this thing goes sideways again, you are DONE.
alright, letโs try again, shall we?
hold that thought. is it okay if i go work out?