𝐈 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

I AM THE NIGHT.

#CXPEDCRUSXDER Independent, selective BRUCE WAYNE / THE BATMAN roleplay from DC COMICS. Canon divergent and headcanon driven. Interpritation draws mostly from the comics, but has ties to the Arkham Games and BTAS.

Written and beloved by Fox (31, They/Them. Australian EST.)

PINNED POST // CARRD

You're burning up. Don't argue with me. Get back in bed.

I made soup. It's not great. Eat it anyway.

You should have called me the moment you started feeling like this.

Stop trying to get up. There is nothing on this earth that needs you upright right now.

I found three blankets and a hot water bottle. Pick your combination.

You look terrible. I mean that with so much love.

Let me take your temperature. Stop being difficult about the thermometer.

I cancelled everything. Don't apologize. I wanted to be here.

You fell asleep mid-sentence. I stayed anyway. I hope that's okay.

Drink the tea. Yes, all of it. I'll make more.

I've been checking on you every hour. You keep telling me to go home. I keep not going.

Your voice sounds awful. Rest it. We can talk tomorrow.

I'm not going anywhere. Stop thanking me for staying.

You hate being taken care of. I know. Do it for me anyway.

The fever broke. I don't think you know how relieved I am right now.

Sleep. I'll be right here. I'll wake you up if anything changes.

I brought your favourite thing from the place on the corner. Don't cry. Please don't cry.

You're a terrible patient and somehow I still want to be the one doing this.

I know you think you're being a burden. You are not a burden.

Let me sit with you. I don't need to talk. I just don't want you to be alone.

You tried to make your own tea and you could barely stand up. Sit down. I've got it.

I've seen you strong. This doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human.

You smell like fever and you still somehow look like everything to me.

Lay your head here. Right here. I've got nowhere I need to be.

I brought every movie you've ever mentioned. We have time.

You're mumbling in your sleep. I'm not going to tell you what you said.

I changed the sheets while you were in the shower. Don't make it weird.

You need to eat something real. I know you don't want to. Eat something real.

I've been sitting in this chair for four hours. I'd do it four more.

Stop apologizing for being sick. People get sick. Let me help you.

Your hands are cold. Give them here. I'll warm them up.

I found the medicine in the back of the cabinet. Take it. All of it. Don't negotiate.

You're not inconveniencing me. Taking care of you is exactly where I want to be.

I didn't know you got like this when you were sick. Softer. I like knowing this about you.

You asked for me. Out of everyone, you asked for me. I haven't stopped thinking about that.

The heating pad is on the lowest setting. Tell me if you need it warmer.

I'm not leaving until your temperature is normal. Make your peace with that.

You cried a little when the soup was too hot to eat yet. I pretended not to notice.

I've never seen you let anyone take care of you before. I'm honoured. I mean that.

Your hair is a mess. Can I? Is that okay? Let me just — there.

You keep saying you're fine every time I check and you are so obviously not fine.

This is the third night in a row. I'm not going anywhere. Stop looking at me like that.

You're delirious and still trying to be funny. It's working. Please stop, I'm worried about you.

I learned how to make your mother's recipe. It took three attempts. Don't tell her.

There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here, even like this. Especially like this.

You always take care of everyone else. Just this once, let someone take care of you.

I left the light on in the hall in case you woke up scared. I remember you mentioned that once.

i detest trickery.

if we ourselves are to suffer deception, our hands are no longer tied.

those who favor hard logic and direct action are bound to be misguided.

i can do miracles. just let me.

your gentle hands are used to killing, not giving life.

you will inevitably do harm.

only the heart will show you the right choice.

off we go then?

impossible, impossible, impossible they say. but what if it can be done?

would you like to die a champion and a martyr?

my hands are tired and my palms are tingling.

please, please catch this loathsome creature!

you will feel no pain. only joy.

patience. this may be a little unpleasant.

a brief moment of pain, and then you'll attain the eternal life, dissolving in a multitude of hearts.

i'm surprised you're still alive.

won't anyone believe me? won't anyone help?

give me your hands, let me touch you…

you are still all too far from understanding the higher purpose of things.

are you sure you're in good health?

do tell me. and be careful! a lot will depend on your answer.

i don't know anything — but i sense a lot.

you have such a mischievous sparkle in your eyes!

don't get cheeky with me, scum.

the fulfillment of a wish will always be a bitter parody of a dream.

you're a destroyer. you have a cold heart.

i'm all alone against the world, but it's not my fault.

to me, you look like a body with its soul taken out.

my power is not of this world. do you understand?

i'm not a thief, never have i ever taken anything that didn't belong to me…

the new world will be built on universal love and concord.

i know there's no one here except me and you.

you left this place a long time ago.

you've changed, or am i imagining things?

what did i do to deserve so much hate?

you are unable to fathom the extent of the evil you're doing.

and what is your nature?

there's nothing for you to do here anymore.

why doesn't it occur to any of you that you can heal without cutting the sick parts off?

i know it's my fault. but i swear i wasn't the cause of all this!

all i've seen here so far is the dead hollowness of puppetry!

everything can be saved.

i'll find a use for every single person here!

you shouldn't ascribe such a role to me.

why are you giving me that look? i don't bite.

stay away from me, you slob!

look at your hands. are they really yours?

do you really trust me so much?

i feel sick. i'm going to faint.

i will ask questions! will you answer them candidly and without prejudice?

bullets can't kill me.

do you really trust me just like that?

have you been left behind or something?

i can see it in your eyes — you're strong, but dreadfully exhausted…

are you even capable of love?

whoever is resigned to death deserves to die.

how will you reward me? this is a riskier thing to do than you think.

why would i hurt sad little things like you…

is it really worth the effort to do your best for the sake of such a wretched place?

what was the point of this whole affair?

so long as you're here, this will last forever.

i think I'll find a way to even up on you too. to rub your nose and walk you into your own trap.

can a miracle be performed under such conditions?

prompts for characters getting to know each other.

“i don't think you realize how much people notice you.”

“you don't seem particularly trusting. then again, maybe neither am i.”

“you have a habit of appearing at interesting moments.”

“you strike me as someone who trusts their gut. am i wrong?”

“i've noticed you always leave before everyone else.”

“i think you enjoy keeping people guessing.”

“you seem restless.”

“it's strange how you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.”

“have i ever told you that you're difficult to read?”

“you look like you haven't slept.”

“you know this place well enough that i'm starting to wonder if you've always lived here.”

“do you ever worry about the kind of person you're becoming?”

“i've known a lot of people. none of them were quite like you.”

“i can't decide whether people truly change, or if they just become better at hiding parts of themselves.”

“i had the strangest dream last night. do you remember yours when you wake up?”

“the more i get to know you, the more i keep noticing little similarities between the two of us.”

“i didn't realize you'd remember that.”

“most people seem uncomfortable with silence. i never minded it much.”

“you seem to know more than you're saying.”

“you seem comfortable on your own. i wonder if that's the same thing as never feeling lonely.”

“do you always look this serious?”

“you're easier to talk to than i expected.”

“i've always thought trust is harder to earn than people pretend.”

“you always seem to be watching.”

“i think you've been avoiding me.”

“you're not at all what i thought you would be.”

“whenever i ignore my instincts, i end up regretting it. what about you?”

“i wasn't expecting to run into you again.”

“i can't tell if you're someone who enjoys solitude or just tolerates it.”

“i know it sounds childish, but i can't help believing some people are meant to find one another.”

“you make a terrible liar.”

“you don't strike me as the sort of person people forget.”

“i think people underestimate you.”

“i can't decide whether you're charming or frustrating.”

“i don't think i've seen you smile before.”

“i wasn't sure you'd come.”

“it's a little strange. i think i've started looking forward to seeing you.”

“sometimes i wonder if we ever really know anyone.”

“you're surprisingly good company.”

“i think most people would like to believe they're good. i'm not sure it's always that simple.”

“i think being truly understood is a far rarer thing than people realize.”

“i don't usually tell people this...”

i can swim. i just can't walk or undress myself.

there in the yahd, not too fah from the cah. how's that?

i got bit by a vampire.

those swings are dangerous. stay off there.

i think you're gonna live.

it's not the prettiest thing i've ever seen.

look, i reported it to you, didn't i?

your folks were born here, right?

here for the summer?

you're up awful early.

look what the kids did to my fence.

come on, you kook.

we're really a little anxious that you're rushing into something serious here.

we've never had that kind of trouble.

that's not what you told me over the phone.

i don't think you appreciate the reaction people have to these things.

let me see your fingers. they're beginning to prune.

just ten more minutes.

[name], you are uptight.

everybody out!

i can't argue with you. i can't talk to you.

this is turning into a contest.

let's have some order.

i don't think that's funny at all.

it ain't gonna be easy.

i value my neck a lot more than $3,000.

oh, god, you scared me.

you're not going to be able to go to sleep tonight.

want to get drunk and fool around?

get out of the boat.

i don't want that to happen, you know that.

let's stop before someone reports us.

take my word for it.

give me your hand.

can we go home now?

hello, back, young feller. how are you?

say, i hope you're not going out with those nuts, are you?

watch it. that's dynamite.

you ain't going.

can you tell me if there's a good restaurant or hotel here?

they're all gonna die.

you've got to get somebody to help us.

these are your people. go talk to them.

the best thing for me to do is to see the remains of the first victim.

just bear with me, will you?

they'll wish their fathers had never met their mothers.

get away from there, you goddamn fool!

this was no boating accident.

do not smoke in here. thank you very much.

call [name] and tell him he owes me a favor.

guys, could we please get organized? i want to get a picture.

we can start breathing again.

you stuff your friggin' head in there, man.

there are all kinds of sharks in the waters. hammerheads, white tips, blues, makos…

come here. give us a kiss.

the door was open.

can i get you some coffee?

i've never heard it quite put that way.

i love sharks.

i heard it on the news.

you'll be the only rational man left after i leave tomorrow.

i guess it's a childhood thing. there's a clinical name for it, isn't there?

it's just a theory that i happen to agree with.

then why don't we have one more drink?

i can do anything. i'm the chief of police.

you got a bigger problem than that.

i'm not drunk enough to go on a boat.

there's so many problems, you never feel like you're accomplishing anything. violence, rip-offs, muggings.

in twenty-five years, there's never been a shooting or a murder in this town.

want a pretzel?

can you get the late show on this thing?

who pays for all this stuff?

it doesn't make sense for a guy who hates the water to live on an island.

it's only an island if you look at it from the water.

don't worry, [name]. nothing's gonna happen.

what am i supposed to do while you're gone?

don't touch any of the equipment. i'll be back in two minutes.

i had an accident.

i know that you are going to ignore this problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass!

i want those little bastards caught and hung up by their buster browns.

i won't waste my time arguing with a man who's lining up to be a hot lunch.

it's really a miracle of evolution.

you'd love to prove that. get your name into the national geographic.

this will be the best summer we've ever had.

i don't like you no more.

thought i saw a shadow.

"amity" means "friendship."

i can't do a damn thing

doesn't anybody have a gun?

how's my big kid?

you can watch television.

want anything from home? what about ice cream?

that's why you're gonna do the right thing.

you try this. made it myself.

here's to swimming with bow-legged women.

can't get a good man these days under sixty.

i'm not talking about pleasure boating or day-sailing. i'm talking about working for a living.

just tie me a sheepshank.

you got city hands. you been counting money all your life.

i don't need this. i don't need this working class hero crap.

maybe i should go alone.

you're on board my vessel. i'm mate, master, pilot, and i'm captain.

what are you, some kind of half-assed astronaut?

jesus h. christ!

did you take your dramamine?

better get it right, squirt… or i throw your ass out the window.

this ain't no boy scout picnic.

what the hell kind of a knot was that?

nothing's easy, is it?

get behind me.

duck your head down.

i don't want you to drown me!

[name], you idiot!

if you don't want to backstroke home, you get down here.

you don't want to listen to me, don't listen to me.

don't you tell me my business again.

that doesn't prove a damn thing.

it proves that you wealthy college boys don't have the education enough to admit when you're wrong.

aye, aye, sir.

i don't have to take this abuse much longer.

your head's bleeding.

stop playing with youself.

you're gonna need a bigger boat.

foreground, my ass!

come here, come here, darlin'.

i've never steered a boat in my life.

don't screw up now.

don't wait for me.

you want to see something permanent? you want to feel something permanent? just put your hand underneath my cap. you feel that little lump?

i got that beat.

i got the creme de la creme. right here. hold on. here, you see that?

a tattoo. i got that removed.

you know, a thing about a shark, he's got… lifeless eyes. black eyes, like a doll's eyes. when he comes at you, he doesn't seem to be living… until he bites you.

that was the time i was most frightened.

[starts singing "show me the way to go home"]

i've seen fingers torn out at the knuckles.

whole sea's bones, full of them.

i'm gonna make a phone call.

that's great! that's just great! now, where the hell are we?! you're certifiable, [name]! you know that?! you're certifiable!

lad, you watch him now.

pull, you son of a bitch!

you got any better suggestions?

❛  i can carry that for you.  ❜ ❛  i can come over, if you don't want to be alone.  ❜ ❛  i can go with you, so you don't have to do this by yourself.  ❜ ❛  i can keep you warm.  ❜ ❛  i can listen for as long as you need me to.  ❜ ❛  i can make breakfast while you stay in bed.  ❜ ❛  i can make you laugh. just give me a minute.  ❜ ❛  i can remember enough for both of us.  ❜ ❛  i can share mine with you.  ❜ ❛  i can stay with you a little longer.  ❜ ❛  i can take care of you for once.  ❜ ❛  i can wait for you here.  ❜ ❛  can i keep this? it reminds me of you.  ❜ ❛  can i keep you company?  ❜ ❛  can i kiss you?  ❜ ❛  can i lay my head in your lap?  ❜ ❛  can i see you smile again?  ❜ ❛  can i take care of you tonight?  ❜ ❛  can i tell you how pretty you look?  ❜ ❛  can i tell you something silly?  ❜ ❛  can we just do nothing today?  ❜ ❛  can we stay like this a little longer?  ❜ ❛  can you come a little closer?  ❜ ❛  can you hold me for just a second?  ❜ ❛  can you promise you'll text when you get home?  ❜ ❛  you can always come home to me.  ❜ ❛  you can be as clingy as you want. i don't mind.  ❜ ❛  you can be soft here.  ❜ ❛  you can come over whenever you miss me.  ❜ ❛  you can have the last bite.  ❜ ❛  you can have this; it was supposed to be yours anyway.  ❜ ❛  you can hide here for a while.  ❜ ❛  you can keep looking at me like that.  ❜ ❛  you can keep my heart. i wasn't using it anyway.  ❜ ❛  you can kiss me again, if you want.  ❜ ❛  you can lean on me.  ❜ ❛  you can pick the music.  ❜ ❛  you can stay as long as you want.  ❜ ❛  you can stay close to me, i like that.  ❜ ❛  you can take my hand.  ❜

DIALOGUE PROMPTS

wait. are you ticklish?

get back here! i'm not finished with you yet!

you've got something on your face... right here!

ohh, you are so dead!

last one there's a rotten egg!

looks like i've got the upper hand now!

stop! i surrender! i surrender!

i'm not letting you beat me this time!

that was really cute. do it again.

can i paint your nails?

did you just smear that on my face?

who hit me with a snowball?

i love it when you play with my hair.

okay, now let's take a silly picture this time.

i've never heard your laugh before. i love it.

i'm going to do everything in my power to make you laugh.

we said that at the same time.

i've never had a real pillowfight before!

tag! you're it!

i like it when you play with my fingers.

ready or not, here i come!

get back here you!

wanna arm wrestle?

was that your foot?

stop running! just let me love you!

that's not fair! you cheated!

can i braid your hair?

did you just put a flower in my hair?

will you share that with me?

look! i painted a picture of you!

if you sit on the swings, i'll push you.

on three, we jump into that pile of leaves. ready?

did you just make that noise? that was adorable.

i love how your eyes crinkle when you smile.

can i play with your hair?

you have the most wonderful smile.

let's go down the slide together.

you beat me! how did you beat me?

we don't need music to dance!

this made me think of you when i saw it.

ACTION PROMPTS

[ sneak ] sender sneaks up behind receiver and puts their hands over their eyes to surprise them

[ tickle ] sender tickles receiver

[ chase ] sender playfully chases receiver until they're both tired

[ dance ] sender and receiver perform a silly dance together

[ snowball ] sender and receiver have an epic snowball fight

[ whipped ] sender smears a bit of whipped cream on receiver's face

[ cake ] sender smushes a piece of cake into receiver's face

[ pie ] sender smushes a pie into receiver's face

[ playground ] sender and receiver climb around on a playground together

[ swings ] sender and receiver sit on a swingset together

[ push ] sender pushes receiver on a swingset

[ smile ] sender uses their fingers to turn receiver's frown into a smile

[ win ] sender and receiver play a board game together, and sender secretly lets receiver win

[ pat ] sender playfully pats receiver's butt

[ hoist ] sender hoists receiver onto their shoulders and carries them around

[ footsie ] sender and receiver play a game of footsie under the table

[ mime ] across a crowded room, sender mimes a comical scene at receiver to try and make them laugh

[ pretend ] sender pretends to dramatically fall asleep ontop of receiver, holding in their laughter as they do so

[ rock ] sender and receiver hug, and sender rocks them side to side

[ handshake ] sender and receiver reenact their secret handshake

i'm killing someone. hold please.

in the darkness, i say fuck.

begin again.

i don't want to be alone tonight.

are you awake?

i don't know if it's the food you made, or the fact that we're going to die tomorrow, but i want to kiss you.

you're a sight for sore eyes.

it's really good to see you on your feet.

you can make your own assumptions.

come on, i'm tense. let's go.

if you'll have me, i'm yours. if you don't want me, i'll understand. that's all there is to say.

you know i'm in love with you, right?

don't you even dare.

[name]! i can't get out of this closet!

i was never that far away.

i will be less handsome with one ear. i'm just saying.

make sure you grab your dignity as well.

i want to ransack the joint.

every good story needs a start.

you can't walk off in the middle of a game of hide and seek again. i've been in a barrel for an hour! i fell asleep in there!

i just woke up in a barrel! i don't even know what time it is!

fuck him up, babe!

punch me in the face! punch me in the face right now!

hey beautiful. let's get the fuck out of here.

you know the way you turn into animals and stuff is really cool.

your hair looks like shit. sit down.

i'm proud of you.

you've always been stronger than me. i need you to keep doing that.

give me my boots! you give me my damn boots!

what the fuck do we have in this world except for moments with each other?

i wore a mask for a long time where i grew up. and i'm not going to do that anymore.

do not go far from me.

i don't know how to do anything without you.

you are a hero.

get the fuck out of here! get out!

move on! now!

i will gut you like a fish and take your innards out your mouth.

so many things that i reach for in this life, it slipped through my fingers.

i've gone and painted myself into a corner. and i can't anymore.

that's an easy promise to make.

you have such loneliness in your eyes.

no fear.

everybody back to chicken town.

i'm stabbing! i'm stabbing!

i'm gonna go check out the shiny thing.

we're tired. i was not kidding before. we really are lucky to be alive.

i'm looking to pick up where i left off.

i don't think i'd be standing here without your help.

it's dangerous. you could die at any given day. so could i.

are you really interested in this?

tell me your name again.

come back when you're ready.

i've changed my outlook on life because of you.

what the fuck are you talking about? of course we love you.

i am so very proud of you and so grateful for everything you gave to me.

you are going to be a strong leader, and a wise leader.

i'll never be that far away.

my brothers. i love you.

i'll see all of you again.

i charge you to take good care of my sister.

thank you for trying.

you did everything.

you showed me the way.

you taught me purpose.

i know i will see you again.

be there for them. you're the light in all our lives.

i never had a greater friend than you.

i know that it is hard. and i am sorry.

i will never stop loving you.

how lucky i have been to have all of you. how lucky indeed. thank you.

this is all besides the point. we have a god to kill!

putting in on a little thick, don't you think?

there is so much to talk about. when can we be alone?

i'm good on my word. and you are a good friend.

what can i do to help?

gosh, you guys are good looking.

that was a close one.

everybody's very attractive up here.

we have known each other a long time.

i have a lot of love for you.

i just feel i need to be honest with you.

there's no question you and i have danced around a bit for the past few years.

i am in love with someone i don't think loves me.

it wouldn't be make-believe if you believed in me.

no kin, huh?

bless you, child.

just passing through town.

if ever a child needed a friend, you're the one that does.

i just know your ass is still warm.

i'm going to have to be going. it's a long way to [location].

wouldn't exactly call it a chariot.

i never traveled with no child before.

in the eyes of the lord, i have no choice.

god works in mysterious ways.

better get your things together.

i'm going that way, honey.

you just stay out here til i come for you.

don't you say a word unless i ask you to.

what are you trying to pull?

i don't care where you're going to go.

couple thousand dollars would be acceptable.

you sure these tires are new?

i don't suppose you can wait here by yourself, can you?

you hungry? you want a nehi and a coney island?

you're going to like the train.

before you know it, you'll be asleep in a nice warm house, and all your troubles will be over.

what are you making trouble for?

well, don't the world have a wild imagination?

of course i ain't your pa.

look, i know how you feel.

it's my money you got, and i want it.

hold on, now, just hold on. let me explain something to you.

so just get that out of your head.

i want my money.

i heard you through the door talking to that man.

i don't care what those neighbor ladies said.

eat that damn thing, you hear?

just because a man meets a woman in a bar don't mean he's your pa!

we got the same jaw.

for god's sakes, child.

you think everybody gets met in a barroom gets a baby?

anything is possible, but possible don't make it true.

you know what the trouble is with you? you got no appreciation.

where do you think you'd be without me?

i didn't have to take you, but i took you.

you just lie down in the seat and be quiet. folks don't take to children when they’re doing business.

alright, i think that's fair enough.

i just don't know how to put into words the sense of sorrow that i feel.

it’s good to be back in old manhattan.

ain't you gonna go to sleep?

i don't want to sound catty.

you're too young to smoke.

you're gonna set this whole place on fire.

better than i've felt in a long time.

you don't like me, do you?

sure we can, honey.

my mama's gone to the lord.

it's just the two of us now.

you let us know if there's anything we can do.

hold on, there. wait one damn minute.

honey, we have to have a little goodness in our hearts considering the circumstances.

how'd you like to do a little business with me?

don't get nervous. i'll pay you back.

you're looking at me like i'm out to cheat you or something.

turn off that radio! you're like to drive us all deaf.

maybe i'll be a big shot... in an average way, of course.

maybe you don't know french, but there's something in this world called "fine-esse."

you could've had me put in jail.

don't you go making the decisions. i make the decisions.

all you got to do is look like a pretty little girl.

that ain't quite what i had in mind.

you look real nice.

i'm just as old as i look.

this old wallet of mine is about to bust its sides.

i’m afraid i'd have to see it to believe it.

come on, you're pulling my leg.

you don't have to take it if you don't want to.

[receiver's name]. what a sweet little name.

we got to look out for one another.

get the map. find out where the nearest depot is.

if i stay with you, i'll spend the rest of my life in jail.

you've got an excuse for everything because you blame me for everything.

you should have told me.

you sweet thing.

sometimes i just don't know, with all the old doodly-doo.

i want to go to your place.

you trying to keep secrets from me? you got diamonds and rubies in there?

alright, boy, you're next.

no reason to get that sore.

yeah, well, i'm looking you straight in the eye, and i think you're beautiful.

maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea we get you fixed up a little bit. get you a new outfit, a fancy new hat, or something.

there. now don't you bother me any more.

can you come have your photo took with me?

seen it half a dozen times.

i ain't about to leave some poor little child stranded in the middle of nowhere.

i got scruples, too, you know.

i don't know what it is, but if you got them, i sure bet they belong to somebody else.

hey there, my little turtle-dove.

i don't want you smoking.

that's because you don't know everything.

that's what you're always talking about, ain't it? helping other people out.

you silly old thing. you know that's not true.

ask me real nice, maybe i'll tell you about that sometime.

well, you got to be from somewhere.

just like that little white speck on top of old chicken shit.

i just hope there's no snakes around here.

the right kind of dress makes all the difference in the face.

you know, a person can tell his whole life on what his bone structure is.

little children do not tell grown-ups what to do with their lives.

must have a bladder like a peanut.

ain't good to have a sad face.

hey, would you like a coloring book?

come on, let's see you smile.

kiddo, i understand how you feel. you don't have to worry.

when i was your age, i was skinnier than a pole.

i'll let you put on my earrings.

right now you’re going to pick your little ass up, you're going to drop it in the backseat, and you’re going to cut out the crap, you understand?

i'm going to level with you, okay?

even if i want a fella, somehow or other i manage to get it screwed up.

i felt compelled to turn the hose on myself.

canopy. can of peas. they rhyme, you know?

i knew you'd get it if i explained it to you.

i got us an idea. come on in here, and i'll tell you.

oh-wee, you're crazy.

the little two-bit bum nerve of that guy!

you're better looking than dick powell.

some sweets for the sweet.

some girls say i'm a pretty smooth dancer myself.

you sure this is going to work?

they ain't bad for waffles.

i think i'll go upstairs and polish my shoes.

you sure this is going to work?

keep your fingers crossed.

i'll come up later tonight when the moon is full.

i'm on my way, sweetheart.

you won't be sorry.

well, then, don't you look pretty?

you don't go around babbling, do you? it's important to me right now not to get talked about.

hey, now do i look like that kind of fellow?

you are a wild one, aren't you?

now, now, just let me slip it off.

the key. give me the key.

well, now, ain't you a show dog?

just do what i tell you.

folks say he cut 'em up just like kindling wood.

get your things. we're leaving right this minute.

just ain't fair.

you mean, there were other men?

dadblammit, why didn't you tell me?

i want you to promise me just one thing.

i seen something peculiar.

follow him. find out where he goes.

how about a little walk before bed?

you see anybody coming, you cough real low.

shucks, honey, folks in the country never lock anything.

now hold on. and make sure nothing spills off.

i got to turn corners, don't i?

i thought i seen something flicker.

i'll be glad to get out of this town.

don't stop, keep going!

everything's going to be alright. you just let me do the talking.

oh, no, sir, not me, friend. must be some mistake.

where'd you hear a thing like that?

damn! just when you think you got it made.

i found these in the front seat.

hold out your hands.

them hands don't look like they do nothing in life except play a little casino every now and then.

you can just kiss that pretty little ol' car of yours goodbye.

you don't do nothing until i tell you to, understand? answer me. you understand?

you don't know what kind of real bad trouble you're in.

maybe we could work something out.

let's cut this ring-around-the-rosy.

you think i'm fooling around? i ain't fooling around.

maybe you'll come around in time. get a little thirsty, get a little hungry. time sure does have a way with criminals.

i got all the time in the world.

let's have another cup of coffee.

i need to go to the shithouse.

every two-bit lawman is going to be looking for this car.

they're shooting at us!

hang onto your hat.

you liked to give me heart failure.

wrassle you for it.

the brake, goddamn it! don't you even know where the damn brake is?

so what?

pull up your socks.

we could get a house and everything.

just show up there with tears in your eyes.

just around the corner, there’s a rainbow in the sky.

you got an awful big mouth, mister.

i swallowed my gold tooth.

oh, [name], you're all beat up.

i've been keeping ten dollars for emergencies.

don't start crying.

all this talk's just wasting time.

don't worry about me. i got plans. new ideas coming in every day.

it's for sure i ain't your pa.

ain't you coming to the door with me?

i've been worried sick about you. come on in, child.

you're just the spitting image of your mother.

what you need is some ice-cold lemonade.

everybody's going to be so happy to see you.

we're going to get those clothes off of you. you're going to get into a nice fresh bath, and then you're going to sleep in your own bed.

i just near give up on you, child.

i bet you're starving to death. i'm going to cut you a big piece of pie.

i told you, i don't want you riding with me no more.

you still owe me $200.

jesus! why don't you watch where you're going?

i ain't the doorman.

you're also a human being.

it's not my job, but what the hell, i'll do you a favor.

i hope you can handle it. it's been like a nightmare.

why don't we all sit down and we'll have fun.

you know, my dad says you guys are full of crap.

let's go get a beer, alright?

the holidays are coming up. it's our best season.

ghostbusters don't exist.

ungrateful little yuppie larvae.

yeah, but what a ride.

it's just in science, we always look for the simplest explanation.

i've been gradually increasing the temperature in the room.

i'd like to bring [name] in on this, if you don't mind.

we didn't part on very good terms.

send in the puppy, please.

i'd rather you didn't mention any of this to [name], if you don't mind.

i predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on new year's eve.

just devil's advocate.

this is not just some money-making scheme, all right?

for your sake, i hope you're right.

valentine's day. bummer.

i received this information from an alien.

this is the best we could do at such short notice.

they think you're a fraud.

aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?

everything you're doing is bad.

you be careful there, alright?

i make pretty good cocktails, don't i?

do i have bad breath or something?

my best to the coven.

i bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?

let's close this place up so you can buy me a calzone.

uh, well, we're just kind of... ahem, checking something out for an old friend.

my [friend/relative first and last name]?

hey, no problem. always glad to help. and hug.

i know i'm just asking for the big hurt but i thought i'd give us one more chance.

okay, sweetheart, now they're gonna take a look at you.

you ever done this before?

i heard he ditched you and ran off to europe.

you know, you’d have been better off marrying me.

i'm sensitive. i need to feel loved. i need to be desired.

i may have a lot of personal problems, but i'm a total professional when it comes to my job.

my parents didn't believe in toys.

you know, i should have been your father.

you're ripe, señor.

you poor, poor man.

i don't have a lot of experience with babies.

so, what, brainiac?

we're scientists, excuse us. get out of the way!

i think we hit the honeypot.

who told you to stop cutting?

what's it look like we're doing here? why don't you let us work? we let you work.

what have i been doing? while you were getting coffee for an hour, i've been digging a big hole in the middle of the street.

now is the season of evil.

it's a river of slime!

come on! get me out of this hole!

go back to sleep, darling.

i happened to be here in this neighborhood and i thought that i would stop by to see how is it with you.

oh, but i "woo"-ed.

do you need anything? do you want me to come in?

well, hey, you. don't let the bedbugs bite.

the law does not recognize the existence of ghosts and i don't believe in them either.

it's all in the hands of our lawyer now.

i got my law degree at night school.

violating a judicial restraining order, willful destruction of public property, fraud, malicious mischief.

you'll never take us alive.

very good, [name]. short but pointless.

i never saw anything like this in my life.

it'll never happen again.

there's so many holes in first avenue we really didn't think anybody would notice.

keep that up, mister, i'll find you in contempt.

there are some things in this world that go way beyond human understanding. things that cannot be explained, things that most people don't wanna know about. that is where we come in.

kitten, i think what i'm saying is that sometimes shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who you gonna call?

you play on the gullibility of innocent people.

if my hands weren't tied by the unalterable fetters of the law then i would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forebears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice and have you burned at the stake!

don't talk to me. talk to my attorney.

you're next, bubbles.

i always hated this part of the business.

i hope it still works.

come on, you big meanie.

we're the best! we're the beautiful! we're back!

it's that darn ghost again.

what? hold on. half-price? have we all gone mad?

oh, you mean the hot beverage thermal mug and free balloons for the kids?

you! you worthless piece of slime!

i have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake.

this is what you do with your spare time?

whatever this stuff is, it responds to human emotional states.

like a cop in a doughnut factory.

you're not sleeping with it, are you, [name]?

oh, you. it's always the quiet ones. you hound.

jeez. you guys do this at night when i'm not here?

oh, baby! oh, you're my number one christmas boutique gift item.

i'm a big, big fan of yours.

you're good, pretty eyes.

aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?

yes, i have seen you on the television.

you're not here on business, i hope?

it's top-secret.

i hate this painting. i've felt uncomfortable ever since it came up from storage.

not with that attitude, pal. okay?

i get it. you're sweet on this hunky stud, aren't you?

i think we got more food on your shirt than we did in your mouth.

i didn't know where else to go.

there was all this pink ooze everywhere.

okay, you're alright. i'm not gonna let them get you. alright. you're all safe now, okay?

yes, darling. i'm so sorry.

come on. just sit down. i'll get a shirt or something. hold on.

well, that's great! i mean, that's terrible.

ooh. nice ugly history.

be an excellent time for you to start practicing a thing we big guys like to call self-control.

you're gonna be staying at uncle [sender name]'s until this thing blows over.

what's best for me is if i lie on my side like this and you spoon up beside me, your arm draped over me. we do it the other way, i get your hair caught in my throat and i choke in the night.

you're short. your belly button sticks out too far.

found it in magicians, martyrs, and madmen. dig that.

death is but a door. time is but a window. i'll be back.

we got a report there was a major creep in the area. we checked our list, and you were right on the top.

give me angry. you've had a bad day. you're cranky. yeah, thank you. good, good. ooh, angrier. i'm scared. you're scaring me. stop it. yeah. good! okay, walk for me, talk for me. yeah, yeah! okay, give me hot and sexy. can you do it? you can. oh, boy. show me some teeth. come on. i bet the girls like you, huh? do the girls? do the guys? bet they both do, huh? what about the animals? they like you? that's it, more! yeah, come on! you're big, you're big. all right, destroy me. destroy me! yeah! destroy me. yeah, yeah! give it, give it!

you are supposed to get dressed and get crazy with me on the streets of manhattan. i've also brought some things from your apartment. some wardrobe choices. a couple of provocative ensembles in here.

don't put any of those old cheap moves on me, okay?

you're gonna have the whole place to yourself tonight, pal.

will you tell me next time you’re gonna do that, though, please?

there's not just clean and dirty. there are many subtle levels, okay?

the guys are going down into the sewer to check for slime stuff.

forget about cockroaches. it's the subway rats you gotta worry about.

okay, i'm out of here.

uh-huh. did i tell you? i wasn't lying, was i?

speaking of breaking up with neat guys, why did you dump me?

heck, i'm not even good for me.

you're much better than you realize. you don't give yourself enough credit.

i could whip myself into shape by the end of this century.

you're very good with children.

so you wanna play boggle or super mario brothers?

you better watch your mouth or i'll punch your lights out.

it's go time, man! i want you bad!

stop, stop. get your clothes off quick. strip.

you're scaring the straights.

i was gonna tell you between the dessert and the cheese course.

the proton pack is not a toy.

we watched some tv and had something to eat and then and one thing led to another.

what is this? a slumber party?

you've got two minutes. make it good.

i'm just sorry we always meet under these circumstances.

what we're trying to tell you is, like, all the bad feelings, i mean, all the hate, the anger and violence of this city is turning into this sludge.

if we don't do something fast, this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.

being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every new yorker's god-given right.

i don't know why beautiful women love horses so much. do you love horses?

it's very potent stuff.

[name]. sweetheart. i thought i'd lost you, that i'd never see you again.

hello, [name]. i thought you might come.

the park bench was chasing you?

well, better late than never.

have you tried dynamite?

i spent an hour last night in my bedroom talking to fiorello la guardia, and he's been dead for 40 years.

oh, come on. there's always room for jell-o.

yet i think that perhaps you and i could learn… to love each other?

there's gotta be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out burg.

i was born to wear this stuff.

stay fit. keep sharp. make good decisions.

i love you when you roughhouse!

boy, am i glad to see you.

that's all right, my friend. i think i had an accident too.

i did it! i did it! that was great!

you stay here and don't say anything, okay?

i have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal.

[ settle ] sender sits on receiver's lap and gets comfortable

[ sling ] sender slings an arm around receiver's shoulder

[ pinch ] sender affectionately pinches receiver's cheek

[ ruffle ] sender ruffles receiver's hair

[ recline ] sender joins receiver on their chair and snuggles against them

[ hand ] sender takes receiver's hand while driving

[ knee ] sender lays a hand on receiver's leg while driving

[ clean ] sender reaches up to wipe something off receiver's face

[ tie ] sender adjusts receiver's tie

[ collar ] sender smooths out receiver's collar

[ tickle ] sender starts tickling receiver

[ piggyback ] sender gives receiver a piggyback ride

[ pick up ] sender scoops receiver up into their arms and holds them as they walk

[ guide ] sender places a hand on receiver's hip and guides them through a crowded room

[ smudge ] sender cleans lipstick off receiver's face

[ gun ] in the midst of a stand-off, sender reaches over and gently guides receiver's gun down, making them lower it

[ behind ] sender comes up to receiver from behind and wraps their arms around their waist

[ nuzzle ] sender leans in and nuzzles their face into receiver's neck

[ relax ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder while they talk

[ arms ] sender hooks their arm with receiver's as they walk

[ itch ] sender assists receiver with an itch they can't reach

[ catch ] receiver starts to fall, so sender reaches out and catches them

[ calm down ] sender pets receiver's hair and tries to soothe them after a scary situation

[ check ] sender checks receiver's temperature by placing the back of their hand against receiver's forehead, trying to see if they're sick

[ tuck ] sender tucks receiver into bed

[ feed ] sender offers a forkful of food out to receiver, helping them eat

[ undress ] sender helps receiver undress

[ shoes ] sender helps receiver put on their shoes

[ intent ] sender leans their forehead against receiver's

[ bathe ] sender helps receiver wash themselves in a bath

[ shower ] sender helps receiver wash themselves in a shower

[ assist ] sender finds receiver has fallen down, so they rush to their aid and help them stand again

[ bed ] sender helps receiver into bed

[ greet ] sender greets receiver with quick kisses to each of their cheeks

[ high five ] sender gives receiver a congratulatory high five

[ makeup ] sender helps receiver apply makeup

[ injury ] sender cleans receiver's wound and patches it up

[ seek ] sender reaches for receiver's hand and laces their fingers

[ surprise ] sender sneaks up behind receiver and places their hands over their eyes, wanting them to guess who it is