I always thought healing from this would feel like a weight taken off my chest. The clouds would disappear, I would walk around a little faster, look a little better, love harder.

Healing is slow, healing is silent.

I look at my old messages to you and feel nothing.

I thought about just going back to my room. Sure it was getting suffocating being in there but I don’t know what’s outside. I turn around but I quickly realize turning around is a lot louder than just walking out.

I made my way outside, the sun burning my skin but he took my hand and guided me to the water. We spoke and spoke and each time he unlocked a new memory of mine he let out this ear piercing, horrible laugh, but it was better than being in my room, there were spiders in there!

But some nights I find myself being so desperate for a reason as to why you did this to me god.

Are you mad I never prayed to you?

Are you angry I badmouthed you as a rebellious teen?

Surely my pain has been enough? After everything I have been through?